almost all of us belong to. Like you, I've trusted skids and been betrayed. I've confided things, only to be burned. the skids who hated each other now bond over hating me. We chose to love despite the odds. Congratulations on being human. You screwed up, and got blasted for it.

The sad truth is, both of those girls have the same (low class) mother and the same (weak) father, and will likely turn out in similar fashion. You can hope that you've had a tiny amount of positive influence on Munchkin (I managed to with mentally ill YSD). But this should be a watershed moment for you - they day you let go of hope and accepted the cold, hard, reality that this skid feels zero loyalty for you and would sell you down the river to curry favor with her dirtbag mother. Or, in a few years, her sister. 

Moving forward, things will be different. They need to be, for your protection. I think both you and your DH should sit down with Munchkin, and he damn well better have your back as you discuss her betrayal. Ask why she did it, and make her answer. She's old enough to be told that what she did was indiscreet and hurt you. And then distance yourself from her as you take some time to heal the latest crack in your poor SM heart.

I guess I am missing how Munchkin betrayed YOU?

If my Dad's GF or my SF had sent me a text meant for my parent that called my other parent a not-so-nice name, and I was 12 years old, I'd be super hurt that my parent was called that name. THAT would ruin my trust in my SP, and it would cause me to probably call them a name or two. And it would result in my SP getting a nasty text message from my parent about their behavior and involving me in it, even accidentally.

Munchkin did what I think most 12 year olds would do when faced with an awful text about their parent. They showed the adults to let the adults handle it. Whether BM os a saint or Satan, she is still Munchkin's mom and Munchkin still has loyalty to her. You can't expect that just because you chose to have private conversations with her and whatnot that somehow that would override her instinct to protect and be loyal to her mother. He'll, BSGoinOn's SS STILL won't tell his wretched mother to fly a kite and STILL feels like he needs to be kind to her, and she's definitely in the bottom tiers of good motherdom.

You effed up, and you can't blame Munchkin for taking an adult text you accidently sent her to another adult. You can't blame her if she called you a name. 90% of what BM wrote you was probably BM's thinking on you regardless of what Munchkin said. The only person you can be mad at in this is yourself.

ETA: Also, Munchkin may not have shown her mother. BM may make a habit of taking SD's phone and looking through text messages herself, whether as a parenting measure or to be nosy. That's not to say, though, that I don't think SD should have shown BM.

This incident might not drive a wedge between you and your SO, but it sounds like you’re completely willing to let this drive a wedge between you and Munchkin – which, I predict, will only cause more harm to all of your relationships further down the road. I would hesitate to completely change your summer plans, just because of something that a high conflict BM said to you in anger.

Personally, before you do anything, I think you need to talk to Munchkin and apologize. You sent a rude text about her BM, to her. Model integrity, and explain that you were frustrated with BM (without going into detail) and that you meant to send the message to your SO. Then apologize if your message made her feel uncomfortable or put her in an awkward situation.

This opens the door to a second point about BM’s response and claims about SD not liking you. Without going into a lot of detail, just explain that you understand that BM was upset by your text, and that you both might have said some things in anger. Tell Munchkin that based on a few things that BM mentioned (again, no details), you just wanted to reach out and apologize if you’ve hurt Munchkin’s feelings or offended her. Remind her that you care about her, and you want to have a good relationship with her, and if she’s ever upset with you – you WANT her to come talk to you about it.

Then be done. Don’t push her for a response. Requiring her to respond or talk about it will put her on the spot, but quickly apologizing for your mistake and reminding her that you there if she needs you, will let her to process this on her own and approach you when (and if) she has anything she wants to say.

And I think that's where you lost your way.  There's no confiding in a SKID because no matter how close you think you are, or want to be, everything you say and do will be repeated to their other parent.  If the other parent isn't HC, it's not an issue, but if they are, it sure as heck is!

Yes, you screwed up by sending the skid a text referring to her mother as a golden uterus.  But you also screwed up by responding to BM's text!  As my husband likes to remind me, when you get in the mud with a pig, you'll get up dirty and the pig will like it.  There was literally no chance that she would respond like an adult.  You didn't deserve to be insulted and name-called, but the reality is that you probably could/should have expected it.

As far as what do you do with the skid from here...  You have lots of choices.  1-You confront the issue head-on.  You and your SO/DH call her out for showing the text to her mother and purposely causing trouble between you and her mother.  This is aggressive, and there's a strong chance it would come back at you, and your SO/DH would have to be 100% on board with the decision to do it because he would have to back you up.  2-You never speak another word about what happened.  Legitimate approach, but it doesn't resolve anything (not that anything is likely to get resolved otherwise).  You just chock this up as a lesson and move on to disengagement.  3-You apologize to the SKID for making a mistake and take a softer approach to the discussion mentioned in Option 1.  As a PP said, you'd be modelling integrity and accepting responsibility.  oopcloud's approach.

Not being in the situation, I don't think any of us can advise you which approach to take.  I can tell you that personally, I would take #1, but that's because we have figured out that the best approach with the SKIDS is brutal honesty.  It's the thing that we will do that BM won't.  We don't lie, we don't misconstrue, we tell them to use their brains.

Sorry you're dealing with such a total ghetto-skank BM... how very Jerry Springer of her. Heart breaks for you, as you've put even more into caring for your SD than I did for my SS before he rejected a good relationship with me by his ongoing lies, manipulations, laziness & getting high on the regular. And this past year, hanging out with his BM more. They use each other and talk sh*t about everyon3 else... then SS comes home and badmouths BM, too. Three years ago I would not have guessed that SS would reconnect with BM like this, but as we read on ST, very common. 

I agree you have a skank BM on your hands. She’s so jealous of you.

Sweety don’t make yourself so vulnerable to these people. They obviously don’t care about you. You trust munchkin too much. Her having that moment with you where she confided in you was all for show. Her loyalty will always be with her mom. She will have no problem turning on you.

Be careful what you text or email next time.

Anything sh**ty i say about BM et al is said between DH and i only, face to face, no texts, its too easy to make a mistake as you have found.

You have been given good advice here and i hope you can move on from this with grace. 

Don't blame the kid.  Own your mistake.  Don't EVER engage in a text battle with BM.  EVER.

Keep your negative comments about GUBM to yourself, and if you must share them, make damn sure you are texting it to the person you really intend to text.

I am the queen of sending texts to the wrong people. I have gotten myself into some seriously embarrassing situations. Meant to text my BFF to tell her that her Husband called me to talk about their relationship, and he called them "soul mates"...my text said he was delusional, blah blah blah...yeah I sent it to her husband instead of her. He calls me: "step-girlfriend, I don't think that was meant for me". Me: "um, nope".  EEK.

Anyway. I feel your pain.

I think more than anything your feelings are hurt about SD telling BM personal info, and hoping SD wouldn't share a mis-sent text with BM. I have a good relationship with skids, especially SD8, but I'll tell you what....those little bastards will tell their mom ANYTHING they can about me. I don't think they do it to be mean, but it gets attention from BM, and BM shows approval by getting the info. They want to please her, and don't think about the repurcussions for sharing info. about me. I hate that I have to do this, because sometimes I would have personal convo's with them...but before I tell them anything now, I always have to think, would I want BM to know this?

Also, I blocked BM on my phone. She would text all kinds of crazy sh*t, and I found myself responding occasionally, which is annoying. Like you said, jumping in mud with a pig.... she was making me a worse person, so I blocked her and refuse to engage.

It really shouldn't have to be this hard, but BM's suck, and skids have big mouths.