You describe my DH as well. He misses his "babies" (who are in their 30s). DH and I occasionally have the "living in the moment" discussion. It's not confrontational or accusatory. Just a reminder for both of us that we have right now, and a future together. Pining for the past (usually our romanticized version of the past) is not healthy. We bring our memories forward, learn from some and cherish some.

I'd have no problem with DH spending more time with his kids. They live a 1000 miles away, but he won't go visit them unless I go with him. So that's on him.

EWwwww, your dh is super gross

Gag me with a spoon.  I don't know if I could ever have sex with DH again after witnessing such a heinous display of over the top mini wifedness. Thankfully my DH and SD20 don't  have a particually close relationship and I think I MIGHT have seen him hug her a couple of times.  I just could not do that stroking and lap sitting and grossness. 

I understand that your DH is mourning the " loss" of his kids to adulthood.  Heck my BS is 8 and I have my moments!!!  But there is NO excuse for him to continue to encourage disgusting mini wife behavior.  

Ugh. This is nauseating behavior. I’m sorry you’re subjected to this crap. And the “oversight” games. 

I dread the day skid pulls this with DH, but then again my DH is pretty reserved. He would be repulsed if skid wrapped her legs around his waist - especially in public. 

When you first described the situation, I was picturing a small child (5-8 years old).  When you wrote she was 18, I about fell over.  Oh my heavens, that is just wrong.

You have to wonder why these men re-marry when theu insist on spending so much time let alone the 'head space' given to the miniwives. I suppose its the sex. 'shrugs' oh and the real wife does the chores too. Mini wives never have to do that, if they can prise themselves off their  father for a second that is.

Feeling like changing my account name to 'I'm not jaded - much' 

I'm still just nauseated.  My SD did some pretty heinous mini-wife things- it was bad up until about age 14 but even at that point it was a once in a while stunt she'd pull.  That said, she's stopped since she's had her bfriend. 

I feel your pain though- there was a time she asked DH to undue her bra (back) at around 12- he shut her down and there were many other weird obsesisons she's get-we would deal with them though.  He didn't lap it up, he would get uncomfortable and would listen to my suggestions. 

The mini-wife stuff is not new and not new to stepfamilies contrary to popular belief-it ocurrss in every day intact homes-difference is nobody is offended when the wife/MOM puts the daughter in her place or teaches her appropriate boundaries/behaviors with brothers, dads, uncles.  THere's an added element of difficulty during divorce though also.  But most men when pointed out SHOULD realize how creepy it is and try to nip the behavior.   You have a few that lap it up and adore the competition between 'women' in his life and prefer the blind adoration even if somewhat sexualized of their daughters over the 'nagging' and 'holding responsible' tone of the wife.

I would have filmed that shit....and posted online to embarass them.

My DH once in a while gets teary eyed about his 2 sons growing up and one has become a father himself. I look at him like he has 3 heads and give him the 'over the glasses' glare. I then remind him that he has done hos job. I have done my job. We have tossed them from our nest and they are welcome any time with due notice however I will not tolerate these displays of sentimentality. Or he can go find himself a younger model and start all over again with her. And BTW she would have to be about the same age as his own kids.

I cannot STAND the squealing DAADDDEEE prodigal son welcome/greeting that seems so acceptable these days. If I behaved like this my Dad would have freaked. My best friends father was in the Navy and would be away for months at a time. NEVER did she behave like this. She would rather have died.

If I were you OP, I would ask DH if he wanted to remain married to me or remain in a creepy weird relationship with his daughter who looked like she was dry humping him. Who felt the need to rub his belly like a Buddha about to give her good fortune. It isn;t about jealousy. It is about behaving appropriately in public. Most 5 yr olds get it.

If that happened with my DH...he would never get MY legs wrapped around him again until the pedo-like behavior with his own daughter stopped.  Ugh that I just could not handle.

DH used to let SSthen12 or 13 snuggle up with him while having family movie night.  I'd be the one on the other sofa, trying not to hurl.  After a few times of this, DH wanted to watch a family movie.  I said as long as you and your son don't canoodle on the couch like lovers.  He's like what?  I said you and SS sit there touching, his hands around you, head against your arms like you're f'ing dating.  You're canoodling with your teenaged I-can-get-a-boner-now son.   It's disgusting and I won't be cuddling with you again, or watching a movie, until that crap stops.

Never happened again.  Nex time we watched a movie it was SS on the other sofa.  Ugh, some men.

But in reading up on the topic, it seems to develop in households where there's an emotional crisis (divorce, death of a parent, etc), and usually only one (bio) parent. 

 I've shared before about my late FIL who was enmeshed with his daughters. He was a misogynist, but a pretty logical thinker - except regarding his daughters. They could do no wrong, while DH was held to pretty strict standards. These girls were sexually active at an appallingly young age, used drugs, ran wild, brought much older guys home, and ended up in continuation school. One has been an addict for over thirty years, living with/off Daddee off and on. Evidently FIL preferred that undiluted daughter love over the rigors of normal adult relationships, as he never remarried after his divorce. I once walked into his home to the sight of him sitting in his recliner with 40 - something addict SIL sitting on the floor next to him. Her head was leaning against his leg, and he was stroking her sweaty hair. GROSS!I

The psychic injury this sick behavior causes to kids is serious,  permanent, and leaves a lot of collateral damage. I realize that girls will push boundaries, and some of their actions may have subconscious sexual undertones, but parents are also supposed to recognize these inappropriate, loaded behaviors and shut them down immediately. Other posters over the years having gone the video route, thinking to either shame these delusional dads on social media or at least let them see themselves as an outsider would.