What Part of "I can NOT wake up STRESSED" do you not get? asshole.
So my panic attacks have greatly decreased in the past few months. I give the credit to therapy. My therapist is a gem, very new agey motherly type lol and she taught me ALOT of ways to cope with the anxiety. I AM getting better.
My thing is: I CAN NOT wake up in a hurry/'panic'. Ok well I am not a very good sleeper to begin with. I don't fall asleep until late but I do try to get up at a reasonable time usually around 8 or 8:30 when we have
SD since I usually have to get up with her. Which I USUALLY don't mind doing (bring on all the 'make him do its'.
Well I slept through my alarm today. I woke up at 11! Immediately when I opened my eyes I was in a panic. SD has to be at daycare at noon! It's an exchange day! You know if she is late the DC is going to take note of that! UGH.
So I leap out of bed. SO is still sleeping (of course) I get SD out of bed too. Bless her heart that she is such a good sleeper and would sleep all day if she could but STILL! Crammed some breakfast in her and got her dressed, hair brushed, shoes on ready to go. As I am writing this it is 11:39am. I got ALL this done in 15 minutes.
And of course the dog needs to be let out, she had an accident on the porch. SO's Uncle shows up as I'm running around like a maniac because he needs our camera.
And now I am just pissed. I HATE waking up like this. HOW IS SO FREAKING HARD for SO to just WAKE up in the morning.
You know, it makes me so mad because he just PROVES BM RIGHT. She might be a shitty parent but you know what SO IS HE. I can not disengage. I just can't and honestly I don't want to because I like running my household and having everything go smoothly. But every once in awhile SO should just get up with his fucking kid!
Seriously?! He would have slept ALL DAY. SD would have slept ALL DAY. She would have been late for daycare. BM would have been pissed and whats his excuse? Exactly.
And the whole time I;m running around hes yelling at me to stop freaking out. Yeah alright, as soon as YOU decide to keep track of your 3 different calanders, daily journal, photos and every other documentation, as soon as YOU make an effort to take care of your child the way you should be, as soon as you figure out how to be a PARENT without ME doing everything for you THEN and only THEN will I no longer have to 'freak out'.
Rant over. Yes I know disengage, make him do it, let go of the need to control. Got it.
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I understand it's a struggle.
I understand it's a struggle. To be involved, or not to be involved.
I find myself there sometimes. I am not disengaged from my skids. I love them very much and am pretty involved in their lives. DH is a good dad, but lazy sometimes. So when the skids do something bad, or DH does something lazy and pisses me off, the reaction I want is not "let him do it" or "you should disengage".
Granted, there is some wisdom in hearing advice you don't want to hear. If you're suffering medical anxiety issues, than something DOES need to change. It should be made clear to your DH that this lifestyle is not only unacceptable, but it's detrimental to your health. Would your therapist do a couples session with you and DH?
Just out of my own curiosity, why is DH sleeping so late? Does he have a job?
Yes my therapist likes it
Yes my therapist likes it actually when he is involved in sessions
And yes he has a job, he works till midnight bartending most nights. Until 2am on the weekends. But he always comes home and passes out by 1 so for him to get up at 8 or 9 with her on the 2 days a week we have her ESPECIALLY on an exchange day should not be that big of a deal :/
I agree with you. 2 days a
I agree with you. 2 days a week is not a big deal. I feel your pain with the late nights though .. DH is a cop and often works night shifts. I know it's hard for him to get up wtih just a few hours' sleep, but if he can't handle that, then he shouldn't have the kids on those days. They're here to spend time with HIM, not me.
Part of disengaging is
Part of disengaging is letting DH suffer the consequences for not getting Sd to daycare on time.....you can't be emotionally involved and worry if BM is pissed.
Thanks DeeDee I know, I
Thanks DeeDee I know, I really need to just let him be a big boy and tough titties if he screws up! Something I REALLY need to work on :/
The thing is he will continue
The thing is he will continue to allow you to worry for him. Think of it this way... You ar elike the parent who wants their kid to have perfect grades. You arrange the markers and pens and pencils and scissors and correct the spelling mistakes and staple it all together and put it in a nice binder. He forgets it and goes to school and you are chasing down the school bus and driving his assignment to school. You are waiting for the teacher and standing there sweating like a pig on half a cup of coffee and he walks up and says "Geez mum! What's the rush?"
By your behaviour you allow your SO to not be responsible. Why should he when you are doing all the responsible stuff for him? I mean why should 2 of you freak out? He can sit back and say he wants to be an active parent in her life but he can't even get her up for daycare by 10:30am? If he wants his daughter so badly just MAYBE he would be looking for a job with more sociable hours for a little girl.
Forwarn him that the next time his daughter is there HE is responsible for getting her off to daycare. If you get up and he is not moving, go out. Go to a library or mall or go for a long walk. SOMETHING to get you out of the house and stop the rescuing behaviour. Until he discovers the consequences for his laziness he will never learn.