Loooong Night, Last Night
Ugh, I thought we were starting to move on from these middle of the night wake ups from the 4.5 year old, but apparently not. Last night, she got up 3 times. Which unfortunately for me, I am a light sleeper and my bf is a heavy sleeper. So not only do I get the joy of been woken up when she gets up, but I have the joy of waking up my bf to tell him that she is up and to go put her back to bed. Add on top of that, I cannot hardly ever fall right back asleep, so who is losing the most amount of sleep when this happens? Me. 
Now, I am not mad at my boyfriend because it is not his fault he is a heavy sleeper and it's not his fault that he can fall back asleep immediately, but damn, it really sucks.
Anyone else have a problem with their 4 year old getting up several times a night? It's extremely frustrating that if its not every night, it is every other night, which to me seems abnormal. If we had a newborn or something, I would totally understand, but at that age, it is frustrating. Plus, apparently the night before when I slept at my place, at some point she got into our bed when my bf was sleeping and he didn't realize till like 3 am since he is a heavy sleeper, then put her back in her own bed. The BM allows co-sleeping, whereas we both agree that co-sleeping is a major no-no. So thanks BM for encouraging this which in turn makes the child try and come into our bed when she gets up in the middle of the night and I wake up to her coming out and staring at us in bed because she's not allowed in bed with us.
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I'd refuse to stay the night
I'd refuse to stay the night at his place until he addresses her sleep issues. I'm a light sleeper too, and I'm not giving up my sleep for someone else's kid. If he really wants you there, he will figure out a way to address it. This isn't BM's fault, she has a right to do whatever she wants in her home, and your SO would probably allow it too, if you didn't object. So this is on him to address how things go in HIS home.
Well that last part is not true
Before I met him, he was against co-sleeping and never allowed either child to co-sleep with him. They have been sleeping in their own beds for a long time before I came around. So please don't sit there and point fingers at me when I have nothing to do with how he feels on the subject when he felt that way already. Yes, she has a right, I am not saying BM does not have the right to do so in her home, but it sucks when her actions then cause issues at my SO's place.
I'm not "pointing fingers", I
I'm not "pointing fingers", I'm saying that BM is not the problem here - your SO needs to address this issue. I don't blame you for not wanting to co-sleep, but his whole "I'm a heavy sleeper" stuff is just an excuse on his part. He's the parent. It's his job to deal with middle of the night issues, and if he can't wake up to do so, then that's a big problem.
If you plan to hang around, get used to BM's actions affecting what happens in your home. She may think co-sleeping is great and that you guys are wrong and that your actions are affecting the child at HER home. She is not the parent in your home, so what your SO does is the real issue.
I am not trying to blame BM for the problem
all I am saying is the fact she does allow her to co-sleep does create problems. As for my SO it is not an excuse, he is a heavy sleeper and he isn't trying to use it as an excuse. Also, he is dealing with the middle of the night issues, I am not doing anything regarding it, except waking him up since I am the light sleeper and it wakes me up first. Literally was just venting that it sucks being a light sleeper, I have ear plugs which I could wear to bed if I wanted to, but he can sleep through alarms and I am not willing to set 3 different alarms when I am there like he does when I am gone so he could be the one to wake us up.
You don't live there. If his
You don't live there. If his kid waking up at night bothers you, then don't stay over when she is there.
If you stopped sleeping at
If you stopped sleeping at his place when he has his kids, he will start finding a solution ... Or he won't and you will know that he doesn't care about your needs.
This is probably the answer.
When I first started staying over with DH he had a 4.5 yo and a 2 yo who were used to co-sleeping. I was having none of that, and it only took him a week or so to get them out of the bed when I refused to sleep in the "family bed." It helped that they then slept together in the same bed in their room. They were still co-sleeping at BM's, but they could easily figure out that at dad's house they slept in their own bed.
Yeah
could definitely be a solution. I don't know how you keep a child from waking up several times a night, but I guess really what the solution that needs to be found is for her to not get up or start crying whenever she wakes up, she needs to go back to sleep on her own without all of that.
It’s up to your SO to parent his kid
Make the kid understands it’s to stay in there bed. This is not BM house. Your home has rules that are to be follow. I would really think about if this is the life you want to live. Your SO does not have the money to get a decent apartment. Or wants a decent apartment?
He expects you to sleep in the living room. How to you In vision your life I’d going to be ? You will always have to work to pay for the basics of life. Home and food. Really should do some real hard thinking
If you read my response back to another comment
you would see that he can indeed afford a better apartment, but does not want to make them adjust to another new place to in a year adjust to another new place again. He has no issues providing for himself or the children, so your commentary is really far off base in regards to the living situation.
Ok.. I am going to go at this
Ok.. I am going to go at this solution from a little different place. I'm thinking that one of the reasons SD is doing is this to get attention and soothing by daddy.
Take that out of the equation. Don't wake him up.
Yeah.. I know.. his kid.. should be his problem.. but he is a "heavy sleeper" (read this as knows she is up..but can play possum better lol).
So, she comes in. You get up (you are already awake now. You ask her if she needs something.. then put her back to bed. Keep doing it.. without coddling or soothing.. just deal with whatever "issue" may be at hand and then return her to her bed. Dont' wake your BF.. don't allow him to go to her aid..
At minimum you will be awake shorter time.. at maximum she will learn she isn't geting her "daddy reward".. so will stop the nonsense.
Hmmm..
I see what you are saying. He does not coddle her though when she gets out and wakes up. He makes her walk back to her room and get back in bed. At most, he will put the sheet over her and tells her it is bed time and walks out and comes back to bed with me.
If I were to do that, he would actually be frustrated with me and ask me not to get up and do any of this because it is his responsibility. I also do not feel it is my place to be the one to be handling this either. When we have a child, then yes it will be an equal responsibility, but as gf, I refuse to. Unless there was something seriously wrong. Say child wakes up really sick or something, then I could see myself getting up to help him and he would probably tell me to go back to bed.
I really do see what you are saying, but he really does not coddle her or anything when this happens.
I'm not sure there is much
I'm not sure there is much else that can be done if there is no way to exclude the child from your "room".. maybe just stay with him when he doesn't have visitation?
Yeah I don't know
going from 5 days/nights a week to 2 nights together would feel like taking a break from my relationship since he has them most of the time. I like the sticker chart idea that another poster suggested and maybe trying some aromatherapy to create a soothing atmosphere. I am hoping all this started up again because the routine got messed up spending 5 nights with BM last week which was an abnormality and will go back to rarely happening.
There’s so much
theres so much going on here..
1. You seem REALLY invested in this guy. What does he offer to your relationship other than “love”?
2. I can see you’re one of the ones that comes here to “vent” then argues against every suggestion like a Disney dad defending his kids. You have a problem, it might be a pain and a lot of effort to correct but, unless you want to spent the next 20 years in stephell you need to approach this with the perspective of protecting yourself.
3. Your mans need to get over his fear of BM and his possessiveness of their children. He refuses to get the child support the kids deserve cause.. why? To keep control and custody of the children?
4. I think maybe the two of you need to talk with a financial advisor and get a new perspective about money. You’re paying for an apartment you don’t use and he’s got 4 people crammed into a 1 bedroom apartment but refuses to demand the financial support due to his children.
5. Yeah, don’t @ me. I don’t really care what defense you have for your hard sleeping sweetie and his spoiled kids.
First of All
Don't pay any attention to the trolls on here that just seem to want to jump in and argue, it's very easy to be brave behind a keyboard. Look at all of the advice you are given, evaluate and see if you think something will work for you or not, let the rest roll off your back. In my experience with my DDs certain situations that are unfamiliar such as spending extended time with the mom that they are not used to will upset their routine and make them take a step back. Is there any possibility that you could 1) switch and have the kids sleep on the pullout couch together so that your loud upstairs neighbor is not walking over their heads 2) get twin beds instead of bunk beds so that it is not right above her head and 3) although it sounds like your SO is doing this already watch SuperNanny she has a ton of videos on getting kids to sleep through the night.
No advice about her waking up
No advice about her waking up so often, BUT when I worked nights and needed to sleep during the day when everyone was home, I started wearing earplugs. I became so accustomed to them I have to wear them every night to sleep. They block enough noise that my DH can leave the TV on (he can ONLY fall asleep that way and I hate it) and I cannot hear people talking outside the bedroom. However, I can hear loud talking, yelling (obviously) and my alarm clock immediately. Maybe try earplugs?