I went home last night and brought up my feelings about SD17. And I brought up all of them. SO confided in me that he worries all day about if I will leave him. He sits in his truck and asks himself why do I stay? Why am I in this. What is my last straw? What will SD do that will put me over the edge when she is here. He told me he gets physically sick thinking about the fact that I very well could kick him and his kids out the door. He asked me why do I stay? When without him and his BM drama I have no drama in my life. And he is right my kids and I wouldn't really have much drama except the occasional fight with my ex over stupid crap. I sat there thinking this is my door opening to be honest. To tell him EVERYTHING that is on my mind. I took my opportunity and this is what I brought up.

!. My son and his daughter alone in the house during the day. Both teenagers with no brother/sister connection
2. Feeling like I'm letting my worst enemy into my private life, into my own home with all my things. Me and my son wanting to put locks on our doors.
3. Him making me feel as though I am the "other" woman when she is here
4. Him putting me on "friend" status while she is here and I will NOT tolerate that if that is what we will become because he is afraid to show me any type of attention in front of her then he may as well pack up now and go to his mothers.
5. He is showing her it's ok to disregard me and my feelings. Showing her I don't matter by treating me this way while she is here.
6. Him catering to her every whim will NOT due anymore. I will NOT tolerate my summer being depended on what SHE wants, my son and possibly his sons will do what we have decided to do and they can choose to not come.
7. I told him I felt she was a liar. She is sneaky and I told him ALL the things she did last summer so he could see EXACTLY why I am worried about her being around my son.
8. I told him that NO I don't want her here. I don't want her here EVER. I am worn out on trying. I am worn out on being forgiving and I am worn out on their drama
9. I told him he needs to start becoming afraid of loosing ME rather then making BM mad. Seriously hang up on the bitch. She is 7 hours away. What is she going to do? Why must you answer your phone to her every single time she rings to scream at you for something that she feels YOU did wrong. WHO CARES.
10. I told him that I will no longer be second or third or fourth.
11. There will be rules. I am NOT the maid. I won't come home every day to dirty clothes and dishes everywhere (thats how it always is when they visit)

And lastly I was honest with him about how hurt I was when I had to cancel a wedding that he just swept under the carpet. I told him there is NOTHING more that could possibly be done that could hurt me worse then him basically putting that on a back burner because of SD17 and her bullshit jealousy. AND I also let him know how sad I was that not only did he put it on the back burner but HE never even talked about it. The date of when we were to get married came and went and he FREAKEN ignored that it even came. There was no talking about it. I told him I wish he had NEVER asked me to marry him. I told him honestly now I am over it. I don't give a shit if we do or don't. I sold the dress the shoes the flower. I am past the crying about it. Past the hurt. I am angry. He claims she isn't controlling his life but are we married??? NO! he did say he wants to get married followed by I wish we could... OMG seriously? Your sitting there AGAIN letting her rule what we do. I replied with well I don't want get married. I am over it. Who wants to feel that hurt again? NOT ME! I told him now I would only feel as though he was doing it to make me happy and NOT because it's what he wants for us. I don't want to be married to somebody because they felt they HAD to. I told him I had NEVER been so hurt in my life. Imagine my shoes... I had never been asked to be married. My ex and I got married because my parents said hey we will pay for it if you will just do it. So we did. So for my SO to ask me to marry him was a BIG deal. I wasn't allowed to tell anybody........ for fear of SD!7 reaction. Where do I rate in his life? I don't. Therefore I feel that was the lowest of all lows. How could I be hurt any worse then that? She can call me whatever she wants or break my shit or talk bad about me. But she took something from me because HE let her. And continues to do so.

He didn't say much after all of that. And I knew he wouldn't. I was so proud of myself for standing up for ME. Nobody else is going to. I was tired of frosting a moldy cake. He needed to know how I felt. There isn't much more hurt I can experience. How could they hurt me any more then what they already have. Do I want that girl in my home? NO! Do I want her near my son? NO! Do I want to deal with her lying all summer about where she is and who she is with? NO! Do I want my SO to retreat to friendship status with me? NO. Do I want to have to ask him to leave because he can't deal with things how he SHOULD? NO. But now that all my cards are on the table and he knows CLEARLY where I stand I guess we will soon see. Two weeks will be here before we know it.