Is saying "Thank you" taught or do you think by 16 it should be a given?
I ask because my mother thinks a child needs to be taught to say thank you. I told my mom, by 16 SD should know to say thank you whether she was taught or not. My mother said this is why I need to forest a relationship with SD to teach her, I said I'm done.
SD Sweet 16 was saturday night, and as some of you may know by my past postings, I planned everything, SD was less than interested in helping and DH wasn't interested at all. The only thing DH had done was make t-shirts that say SD sweet 16. That was a surprise to SD. So, the night of the party, DH and I leave early to pick up the balloons and set up. My parents brought my kids and SD. She didn't say one word to me, nothing, didn't even tell me she liked how to the room was set up, NOTHING, but she was thanking up a storm DH. I was thinking in my head, F U SD. Then later on that night, I said to DH, did SD say anything about the shirts? He said, oh yea, she loves them. I said to DH, who knew, she didn't say one word to me. Do you think DH said to her, to say Thank you to me? of course not. Her cake, she liked. She told me she liked it, she didn't say thank you, just that she liked it. I said your welcome which prompted her to say thank you.
My parents bought her dresses for the sweet 16, do you think she said thank you on her own to my father, who wasn't with her on the shopping trip? Nope, my mother told her to call and say it.
I just don't understand, how does one need to be taught this, at 16 none the less? What do you all think?
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I would think that at 16 ,you
I would think that at 16 ,you would know to say thank you to EVERYONE involved in doing something special for you, but I guess if you watch your bm take and take and take from everyone, you think that's just the way it is? SAD!
My ss14 rarely thanks me for
My ss14 rarely thanks me for anything. I think he has thanked me perhaps once in the last 6 months. He was raised in my home until he was almost 10 so I know he absolutely knows how to say thank you. He was taught properly, he just apparently chooses not to. So I apparently have stopped doing things for him. When he asks me for something now-I remind him of how he treats me and that ends the discussion.
It really is a learned
It really is a learned behavior and it is taught two ways 1) by observing and 2) by being prompted. BS15 months says something akin to Thank You when I give him something. Its something he hears every day. DH and I are very polite to each other. We use please and thank you. Its habit for both of us.
That said, if she knew to thank your dh, it isn't an issue of her not being taught, its an issue of her choosing with whom she'll use her manners.
And I will add that even though SD says thank you "in the moment", she hasn't been taught to thank people on a delay. I have to prompt dh every single time to make her call MIL or SILs to thank them for stuff they send to her in the mail or send home with dh.
"That said, if she knew to
"That said, if she knew to thank your dh, it isn't an issue of her not being taught, its an issue of her choosing with whom she'll use her manners."
this is exactly it. same thing applies to sd19.
grrr, thank you cards are
grrr, thank you cards are another sore point with me. i have always sent them out after bdays to people because i feel that it's the right thing to do. i have always made bd sign them herself. i'm sad to say that isn't something that i think she will continue to do as an adult, but at least i tried. she'll be sending them out herself for graduation in a couple of years, too. i'll probably use that last oppurtunity to express the importance of it to her.
with sd, she can't even manage a verbal thank you. every year on her bday, she rips open her cards and shakes the money out, never even reading the card and probably not even knowing who sent it. she never sent a card and never even called these people! fdh's aunt took sd and bd shopping for clothes a few years ago and spent a lot of money on them. sd wasn't living here. i bought a nice card and had bd sign it from both of them. to be fair, bd wouldnt' have done it without my prompting anymore than sd would have, but at least bd can manage to utter the words "thank you", something that sd can't seem to do.
It is taught. Crappy parents
It is taught. Crappy parents don't teach their kids. Period. My son says thank you since he started to speak...always to everyone. To us, to waiters, to anyone. Sorry, DHs loser kid doesn't know the word...her mom and even my DH thought I was too tough on her expecting her to say thank you. Well, that's how they ended up with crap.
it amazes how many things i
it amazes how many things i thought were unique to sd19 that are very common among sd's and maybe all skids as a whole. there are too many times when i have done something for sd and fdh got the credit for me to count, so i can't even say which instance this was, but i did something for her, and she said not one word to me even though she knew i was the one who did it, instead, she was falling all over herself thanking fdh. when i said something to him about it later, he said "well it's just habit for her to thank me. she's used to me being the only one who does anything for her." :O :? :O
i said "at 16, shouldn't it be habit for her to thank ANYONE who does something for her?" he hemmed and hawed and reluctantly said yes. i don't make excuses for bd17. i am outraged and appalled when she shows thankless or selfish behavior and i come undone on her ass. i'm trying to teach her to be an appreciative and generous, thoughtful person. when she does something that makes me feel like what i am trying to instill in her is down the toilet, i get pretty angry. but not fdh. he just excuses sd's behavior for everything.