THIS IS NORMAL! I am in the same boat as you except I'm 23. I have 1 step son- 3yo. You do the best you can do- and in your house, it's your way. This is not easy to get used to, but over time it does get better. When we first got over 50% custody, I was ready to leave. SS would throw shit at the walls literally- would swear, hit, spill things purposefully- but things are much better now. It does get better.

I tell my ss all the time when he tells me- "don't like you," that it's too bad- I love him. I get the "you're mean" all the time too- and I tell him and DH that some day the meanness will pay off when he is on the straight and narrow path and has a good career and isn't in jail bc BM doesn't discipline and that's why at his 2nd bday party he was dropping the f-bomb and saying "f-u" when asked to pick up some toys he'd gotten out- (the first time we'd ever had him and BM says we taught him to swear). SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!

You're going to have hard days, you're going to have days you want to run away and leave your SO. BUT this is the best piece of advise I can give you- do fun things - even if it's just coloring Easter eggs, playing with sidewalk chalk, or going to a playground- read a book together- it does get better I promise, be involved and do something fun- it changed everything for me.

Things have gotten better for me since I realized that I have no control over what happens when he is with BM, but it's our way or the high way in our house. Our house our rules, our way. After you walk out the door, you can go to MOMMY's ways, but in this house, we do things differently- including rules, bedtime, routines, and healthy eating! Not to say that you can't have a pillow fight or laugh and have a good time, and eat snack food, but there has to be consistency and discipline throughout otherwise you're going to have no hair left and will leave!

If you need a time-out to get away from a stressful situation so long as your SO is there, you need to take it. Even if it's just to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry for 5 mins- happens all the time for me- and it helps to talk to your SO when the kids aren't there too- let him know that you're understanding that you're not the kids' mom, however, you are doing the best you can given the situation you are in, and that you are there for both him and the kids, but he also needs to be there for you. Its tough, but you can do it!

Keep your chin up sweetheart! You're almost to graduation! Nothing can ever prepare us for the roads we take, but someone has to do it. Just do your best at it and realize that you can make a difference. You are doing the best that you can, and if you give your all, thats all you can do. You are not a piece of crap or worthless- you are a beautiful and talented young woman that has goals obviously since you're in college- so set a personal goal for yourself to know that you are always going to be compared to mom, just be the bigger and better person at all times and ignore their comments- you are better than her no matter what! Because it take a hell of a woman to be a step-mom!

I am 23 and am in college, too. I am a custodial SM, so my situation is a little different. But, when i am at school i feel like i am with my peers who are 18-25, and am treated as a pseudo-adult and student. when I am at home, I have MEGA responsibilities, am very much an adult and make huge life decisions and deal with what can be an extremely stressful family dynamic. I am also not fully financially independent (college student) from my parents, which is insanely stressful for me (parents refuse to stop helping until i graduate. I am deeply grateful but embarassed at the same time). When i volunteer at ss' school, i am also with my peers (the other parents) but am the youngest parent there, the only one w/o a professional career and feel awkward. When i am at school, i am one of the oldest students there, and feel awkward. Its really conflicting for me. I feel just a little out of place in all my social circles (except for long time close friends, of course). Ive never been a NCP Smom, so i really dont have any tried and true advice for you on that front, but i definitely went through some INTENSE emotions for the first 6 months-year that ss was living with us. It was rough. but i feel much more secure in myself (maturity), my parenting, my role in ss' life, and dh's feelings about the situation. I think that that confidence made a lot of difference.

You came to the right place! these ladies (and few gents) will definitly provide advice and guidance (granted, it may not always be what you want to hear) but regardless welcome!

YOu just have to realize that this is indeed normal and I think being so young it's a little harder too. I am 22 and have a 2 year old SD so I know how it feels. How old are your Skids? Are you married?
Just be prepared and don't let the pettyness get to you. Thankfully, my SD is so young so we're hoping to prevent alot of drama happening in the future, but I know from reading on here that thats not always the case. Good luck and welcome!

Oh my, please, there are SO MANY GUYS your age without kids...run, don't walk. Would you ever dream of having a kid at 19? No, I doubt it. Seems you had your head straight at that age. So why do you think it's ok for you to have two 5yr old kids at the age of 24? Even if they are step? No, no...please, just because someone else didn't think, doesn't mean you should ruin your life. I was 30 when I met my DH and I still feel horrible that I stayed...I can't imagine being 24 or younger and taking on this responsibility/mess/nightmare for ANY man.

Yes this is normal and par for the course as far as Sparenting is concerned.

It is also entirely within your control as far as how you CHOSE to feel about it. It truly is a choice. IMHO.

I have been StepDad to my SS-19 since he was 1yo. His SpermClan has been a nearly constant PITA and there is always the underlying "your not my dad" perspective that is looming. He has never used those words with me and he says he has never even had those thoughts.

He claims that I am the only real dad he has had and that he understands clearly that his SpermIdiot is far from a viable adult even at 43 yo.

So, how do you deal with this?

I suggest that you begin by contingency planning each weekend and scripting possible responses to snarky Skid comments based on their past comments.

Having something in mind makes keeping your feelings under your own control much easier than when you are taken completely by surprise.

Skid: "This cereal is not a good as mom's cereal".
Sparent: "I am sorry you feel that way since this is much better for you than the sugary stuff. That stuff makes your teeth rot out and the dentist will have to fix your teeth. This stuff won't do that if you make sure to brush regularly."

Skid: "Well my (SpermIdiot) lets me play video games all of the time. You and mom make me do homework and sports and stuff. I like video games better."
Sparent: "I understand why you say that but keep in mind that your (SpermIdiot) plays so many video games that he can't keep a job, your SPermGrandMa has to pay his CS obligation on you and he can't support your younger three also out-of-wedlock half sibs........."

Facts are not good or bad. They are just facts and they are the finest foundation for preparing effective responses to snarky Skid comments or toxic blended opposition bullshit. Stick to the facts, be prepared and verbally smack the little crotch droppings or their toxic bioparent when they get lippy with you. Nothing toxic in return, just factual and immediate.

That way you deal with their crap immediately and do not have to deal with letting their attempts to get under your skin actually working.

This has worked for me for nearly 20 years.

The facts are not good or bad, they are just facts and ..... zero tolerance proactive control of the situation does amazing things to minimize the development of negative feelings when we Sparents deal with toxic Skid and blended family opposition crap.

Please also be aware that you are doing the most critical and effective thing you can do to armor yourself against the crap faced by all Sparents. You are continuing your education, completing your degree and opening opportunities for yourself.

Having these options makes dealing with the XW/XH/Skid drama much easier. Knowing that you are in the situation because you chose to be in the situation and knowing that you have options any time you chose is very empowering.

Setting the example of the value of education is also a very responsible Sparent thing to do. My SS-19's SpermClan has spouted the same "college is stupid" mantra that your Skid's BM is polluting them with. The best counter that his mom and I have is that since marrying (when SS was 1yo) we have completed two BS's (my wife has 2) and 2 MBA's (1 each) between us. I graduated with my BSEE a few months before we married. We live a very comfortable life in large part due to the opportunities our investments in education have created. Our son (my SS) has benefited from our educational and related career efforts and clearly understands the differences between the more relaxed successful and working smart life we live compared to the tense ragged edge of financial destitution poor decision driven lives that his SpermClan lives. He also clearly understands which life is superior and which one he would rather have. At 19yo he is more successful than his 43yo SpermIdiot and as he progresses his education and USAF career he will leave the toxic and shallow end of his gene pool far behind him. At least as far as being a viable adult is concerned.

Your Skid's will realize the same thing as they get older. You are setting a great example for them.

Prep your script, take control and get that Grad School application process rolling.

Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming graduation.

All IMHO of course.

Welcome by the way. I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and to pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.