You are here

Sports Dilema

mndblwn's picture

Ss7 would like to play tee ball this spring. He goes with his bm 3 weekends a month from Thursday to Sunday. Bm told ss that he could play. She then emailed DH to ask what the situation was and if he was doing the transporting. Bm lives 3.5 hours away. DH told her that we would sign ss up for tee ball but it had to be ok with her to leave him here or bring him back for games on the weekends because it wasn't fair for ss or the team to miss out while he goes with her.

Bm tells DH that she is ok with ss playing but she has signed him up for golf on saturdays where she lives and she would only give her weekend up if DH drives to get ss for game to then bring ss back to her. She says that she isn't required to do any extra driving since she has to pick ss up for her weekends after school and then brings him back. That means 12 hours or more of driving for DH for 1 hour of tee ball.

DH tells her that its sad that he can't play and thanks for the answer. Bm tells DH that ss can play, that he didn't listen to her and then starts to bash him for reasoning and communicating.

DH says that ss has golf and she won't give up weekends. Also that she must not want to watch games. Clearly ss can't play any sports in his hometown because she isn't willing to sacrifice time unless DH gives up his time some later date to compensate her.

I don't really like my skid but I feel bad that his mother doesn't see the bigger picture. He goes to school where we live and has friends but won't be able to do sports with them until he grows up and tells his mom to get a life. I have my own kid coming soon so I know that child will do everything with no issue but what can I do to help just watch ss get ruined?

Comments

mndblwn's picture

I'm saying that I think bm should realize that just for sports issues she should understand. She can get kid Thursday come back Saturday and all is good. Then all goes back to normal.

mndblwn's picture

Right now we don't know exactly the schedule for tee ball but we know from our friends that some games are saturdays. She picks him up around 530 Thursday night and she can keep him until 5pm Sunday.
She drives because she wanted all this time with ss after she left him for 4 yrs. She could even leave ss home and come up Saturday morning and keep him til Sunday night

12yrstepmonster's picture

Sometimes the kid just doesnt get to do the activity. tball is pretty involved. Between practices, and games. I wouldnt have commuted to that at all.

We only lived 30 min from skids. We hated them being in activities. They were, we didn't stop it but it became fuel for the fire.

If dh didn't show up he didn't love them.
If he complained about their activity he didn't love them.
If he said no he couldn't get them there. He didn't love them.

I can't even imagine driving 3 weekends a month 3.5 hours 3 times a month. That is crazy for your SS

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

This is pretty much par for the course when NCPs live far from their kids. BM2 lives an hour away from us and has SD9 3 weekends a month. As a result, it is VERY difficult for her to participate in any extracurriculars through school or locally. The practices are always during the week, but the events tend to fall on the weekend, and BM refuses to transport her back here for anything that falls during her time. DH would be glad to facilitate, but BM won't give up any of her already limited time. It's always about her, never about SD. This will backfire in her face later when SD gets older and wants to do more social stuff here with here friends instead of babysitting at BM's every weekend. SD will ask for less time at BM's, and we will be back in court backing her up.

mndblwn's picture

Our bm would give up her time if we do the driving. Ss would drive Thursday night Saturday morning Saturday afternoon and then Sunday night. I get that it takes into her time but I thought maybe she would think that ss being happy playing with friends would overrule all things. She left for 4 yrs to do her own life to giving up time for her childs life is so much I guess

mndblwn's picture

We are not going to drive and get him. Also she isn't going to give up any time or drive either. We have decided we aren't signing him up. We will just tell him that he has golf already and that his mom wants to see him. We know by what ss has told us that he doesn't like the driving so we wouldn't do that to him.