Advice needed - Skids getting in our bed
Hi ladies
I was wondering if I could have your thoughts on something I am struggling with at the moment.
SO and myself have the Skids every Wednesday over night and EOW. In the mornings when they wake up they come into our room and get into bed with us. My SS is 9 and SD is 10. At first I didn’t mind if they got in on a Saturday morning to watch the cartoons on the TV but now it has turned into a habit and its starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I think they are getting to an age where they shouldn’t be doing this and we shouldn’t be allowing it but what are your thoughts on this?
Also on a Thursday morning it’s such a rush to get them ready for school if they done get that time in our bed then all hell breaks loose espically with SS 9 who has a right paddy if he’s told there is not time he has to get up.
I mentioned that I thought we should try to put a stop to this only this morning to my SO and he didn’t seem to think it was an issue as they are only still "young" but I would really rather this stopped so I am not woken up at the crack of dawn by them trying to get into bed with us and that our bedroom and our bed is OURS and not there for everyone to hop into.
Am I overreacting or is this normal. :?
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Comments
You are Normal. Tell him they
You are Normal. Tell him they are getting too old for it and you would like to "wean" them now. Maybe for now they only do it on saturdays?
If it were me I'd want it to come to a complete stop, but I was trying to find a compromise for you and DH. Sometimes I have to "ease" my SO into things.
What does DH say about this?
What does DH say about this? Odds are he's luvin' it!!
You need to start to break them of this habit ASAP. The skids did this in my case as well. Biodad views it as "bonding" with his kids who he "doesn't get to see very often" (TM)
Your bedroom should be a sanctuary and sacred ground. I've heard of not even keeping skids photos in your bedroom, but I haven't been able to talk GG out of keeping a shrine in the bedroom for his long PASed out kids.
Funny, I don't have any pics of my grown bios up in our house; I'm just not a "photo on the wall" type person. I'd rather have photo albums, but I can't keep those around b/c GG, during one of his violent temper tantrums, ripped a childhood photo of Awesomeson (my bioson 24)
UGH...this is a hard one. I
UGH...this is a hard one. I do not think they are too old at all. If they were MY kids. My kids did this a lot also and I did not mind a bit. But I would not be able to stand it if SS did it. ugh. I know that does not sound good, but my kids doing it is ok, not someone elses kids!
Willow, I am thinking the
Willow, I am thinking the same thing. It is nice to snuggle all together in the AM. My BD and I did it all the time. When she comes now to visit she will wake up early and come get in bed with me or I will with her and we will lay there and talk it is a nice quite time.
However the rule always has been if the door is shut you must knock. Sometimes it is: we will be out in a while which means entertain yourselves and you can't come in.
Now I say all of this with, the skids don't sleep over, so SO and I have not had this before. We have gone camping and all ended up in the same bed talking in the AM and it was very nice.
But I really don't know how I would feel if it was the skids and not my BD on a daily basis. When the god kids spend the night we all end up in the same bed talking and laughing in the mornings.
I don't think that on a school day this should be going on, there is just way to much to do to get everyone out the door.
I can see why you would be uncomfortable, however I don't think it is wrong. Maybe suggest limiting it to Saturday mornings only, but do tell them they must knock and that if you say not now they are to amuse themselves.
My DH and I both agree past
My DH and I both agree past the age of 4 no kids should come in bed unless they are sick and once they reach 7 even that should stop. My SS is 8 and he is not allowed in our bedroom at all. There is no reason for any kid over a toddler to be in a parents bed at any time. The kids have rooms and space and your intitled to yours. Children don't need to be in there parents rooms, it just sets a bad precident.
Here is my experience with
Here is my experience with this. With us it wasn't the skids, it was my daughter, not Dh's child. She was 7 when we got together and we co splet and I am one of those guilty mommy, compensating for stuff. So my daughter would come into our bed after DH was asleep, whispering something that she was scared or sick etc. She was really attached to sleeping with me, not just a sweet snuggling thing.
DH never gave me or her a hard time. I know he wasn't happy about it sometimes, but he did not make an issue. What he would do, and it really helped, was that when he would hear her come and whisper to me, in that complicit kind of way, he would ask out loud : What is wrong?
Just having to answer out loud, often made my daughter say " never mind" and go back to her own bed. If she'd say she felt sick, he'd genuinely inquire about it in detail, explaining that he need3ed details to know if we should go to the doctor. I often knew it wasn't about being sick, but would not challenge it and just let her in. He was just honest and concerned and not at all into whispering. If she was "scared" then he would bring it up the next day and not just bury it till the following night. It made both my daughter and I uncomfortable at times, because it broke that complicity that really was not very healthy, even if I thought I was just being a loving mom to her. I had given her the message that she could fake an illness to come cuddle and I would not even question it. With DH, she had to speak up and that in itself , just her having to hear her own voice and what she was saying, made her aware of what she was really doing.
I think your situation is different, since it's just in the morning. I have been thinking about the whole co sleeping at a later age thing, and how it really held my daughter back for a long time, because she did not feel good about it. It's a hard thing to question a parent about, and I appreciate that my husband did not put a trip on me or my daughter, but rather honestly and with care challenged that complicit whispering. I don't know if I am explaining myself correctly or if this makes any sense to you.
Sleep naked!! This works for
Sleep naked!! This works for us!
Ha ha! That worked with SD!
Ha ha! That worked with SD! She would sneak into bed with us ALL THE TIME when she was 9 and 10. DH wouldn't even notice her getting in, but he would scoot over to give her room (she wore a women's size XL at that time, so she NEEDED a lot of room). Then I would practically be shoved off the bed, wake up and discover SD. Finally, one night I got fed up and the second she got into bed I got up to walk her back into her room. Well, I was naked, and I didn't care because I was so fed up. SD got quite an eyefull and complained to BM, and after that it got better!
Weddedbliss you made me laugh
Weddedbliss you made me laugh out loud. I can just see my SO reaction if I got into bed naked every night he will think I have gone mad as I am a true pajama girl.
Worth a try though - thanks everyone for the advice.