What are your thoughts - Padded bra situation
Hi
My SD10 arrives to spend the night with SO and myself and proudly shows me her new bra her BM bought for her.
Just for some background SD had been wearing crop tops and had one very plain cotton bra. She is starting to develop but is not really at the stage where she needs a proper bra yet.
The bra her BM bought for her is padded and moulded, to me it’s like a mini wonder bra and completely unnecessary and inappropriate. I was shocked when I saw it and disturbed that her mother would put her in such a "sexual" piece of underwear at such a young age.
I spoke to my SO about this and he was equally distressed and wants to raise it with BM. Nothing he says will be taken on board and BM will not see a problem with it as she is "growing up" (standard response from BM when ever anything like this comes up). He is concerned for her safety and how she will handle the attention wearing this bra will get. It makes her look like she is older and more developed than she is. She is only a child.
Have any of you experienced this?
My SO does not want her wearing this bra, but how can you tell an excited 10 year old, who feels all grown up, she can’t have it- Any advice would be welcomed.
I agree with SO and would not encourage this bra at this stage in her life, but just wanted your thoughts encase we are over reacting to this.
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^^^THIS^^^
^^^THIS^^^
This is good advice^^^, but
This is good advice^^^, but from my own experience. My daughter was a size 0 and a C cup in the 6th grade. Wearing a bra at this age is important rather you need it or not. Both are bad. My daughter was big my fsd is flat.
My fsd11 started wearing a bra this year she is in the 6th grade and she is tiny and doesn't need it. But once all the girls start wearing them all the girls want to. This is normal and being the only girl in your class without a bra is very uncomfortable for these girls that are not developing yet when their friends are built like my bio daughter was.
I don't have a problem with it, however padded is ridiculous for a 10yr old. I like the idea of buying her a couple of very pretty bra's yourself. But don't be surprised if she doesn't want to wear it. Once everyone reacts to her "new" shape she isn't going to want to wear a non padded one.
What is wrong with these women who want their daughters to grow up so fast? I really don't get it.
I agree, padded bras at age
I agree, padded bras at age 10 are completely inappropriate. I have a 10 year old daughter and she has started wearing sports type bras. Just to hide what IS developing. Not that it is much, but it is noticable when it is cold (if you catch my drift). I would be apt to be honest and tell her that it is not appropriate attire for a 10 yo. I want my daughter to know WHY I make choices for her at this point. It is important for me to know that she understands what is appropriate and what isn't. That's just me. I would also let BM know (have DH do it) how out of line it is for a 10 year old to wear a padded bra. I am shocked they even make them for girls that age. Disturbing.
I agree with the others. She
I agree with the others. She needs to learn to accept her body & be content with nature. To give a 10-year old girl a bra that makes her look bigger than she is by nature is teaching her that bigger is more acceptable than natural. It sends the wrong idea.
Girls are self-concious about their bodies anyway. No need to draw more attention to those things or put more emphasis on their physical appearance than they feel already.
If she's "sticking out" I would offer her lined bras to help conceal any detail, but not something that is "enhancing".
I personally don't mind
I personally don't mind padded bras.. they protect certain parts from being exposed when it is cold.. now if it were a push up bra I would have an issue for a 10 year old.
I have a daughter and yes I
I have a daughter and yes I put her in a padded bra that was a whole lot better than to be pointy thru her shirt
That sounds more like a lined
That sounds more like a lined cup rather than a molded padded cup, that sounded like the OP was referring to. A lined cup is soft & forms around to what's already there (to conceal details) rather than adding size to what's there.
There are plenty of bras with
There are plenty of bras with a thin padding in them.. I didn't state I was for a full out 2" padded bra... geez
@ Echo Please re-read what I
@ Echo Please re-read what I posted..
"now if it were a push up bra I would have an issue for a 10 year old."
I have 3 daughters well past this stage in their life.
Some 10 year olds do.. my
Some 10 year olds do.. my daughter flourished early.. started her monthly cycle early and had b**bs early.. did I buy her a push up bra.. NO. but I did buy her one with some padding so she wasn't showing the world her wares, and she was very self concious at that age. She didn't want or need a push up bra.
sorry you misunderstood what I was saying.
My sd12 showed up at
My sd12 showed up at Christmas with new bras. It was very noticeable. They were padded. I mentioned it to my SO. Who just said.. oh you think?
I said.. well she's wearing these tight little t-shirts..that are thin.. with this padded bra. It's very noticeable.
And she's a stick figure. She prolly does need some sort of bra. Most likely a sports bra type with some lining. Not padding. Lining!!
And she def needs a few camisole or tank tops to wear under those thin shirts.
They want to buy her a padded bra but treat her like she's 5? I just don't get it!!
I'd take the child and buy her a few bras that you feel are appropriate. I guess that the padded bras for the little girls are what's in style..but you'd never catch me letting my teens wear them!
Honestly, my sd12, will most likely never ever have a lot of boobs. Her mom is pretty flat and she is also a stick figure. I can on hope that she get's something from her dad's side. She certainly doesn't look like her dad's side of the family in anything else.
Yeh, little girls should be little girls. Like you said, they all wanna wear the bras but they should be age appropriate!
Some dept stores have padded
Some dept stores have padded bras for developing girls. Meaning they aren't molded - triangle training bras but has padding. Dd12 didn't like he training bras or the sports bras. She was pointy enough it made her uncomfortable.
She is a stick and will be flat chested. I just found AAs in girl sizes. To me it made the budding smooth and she looked nice.
Would I put her in a molded cup. Heck no.
I looked everywhere to find what I found. Not easy but if u need suggestions of store let me know.
Go with her and make a day of
Go with her and make a day of it and buy more appropriate bras. The other one should just disappear...
I had this problem, but from
I had this problem, but from BOTH DH and BM. And actually, DH started it. When SD was 11, DH came home from a shopping expedition with her with a padded (not lined) pushup bra. Are you kidding me?! I don't know if his brain was even engaged when he made that purchase. SD went from being smaller than an A cup to a full on B cup overnight. And she was in 6th grade! I just do NOT think that is right. All it tells girls is that the size of their breasts matters most than their personality or brains.
I finally prevailed on DH that it wasn't right. So SD went home and complained to BM and BM bought her a padded pushup bra. I give.
No way my BDs will wear such a thing until they are at least 16 and can buy one with their own money. Girls already have enough problems with their self-images, why give them one more unnatural look to aspire to?
"My SO does not want her
"My SO does not want her wearing this bra, but how can you tell an excited 10 year old, who feels all grown up, she can’t have it- Any advice would be welcomed.
I agree with SO and would not encourage this bra at this stage in her life, but just wanted your thoughts encase we are over reacting to this"
Ummm, no reason to be scared of a 10yr old. You tell her, look at 10 it is entirely innapropriate to wear a padded bra, it is wrong, that is for adult women, you are a child. You cannot wear that (and throw it away for good measure). Everytime they come to your house, throw them out. BM will rant, and then dh can tell her WHY it's out of line and that he will not have her oversexualize the daughter that way-to keep on buying-he'll keeping on tossing. You are NOT overreacting to this.
It is pathetic and sad these bff moms/daughter relationships where mom oversexualizes the kids.
Thongs and padded bras for tweens...words like juicy, pink, whatEVER it is across your ass, Skimpy skanky clothes on tweens.
Our bm literally makes me want to vomit-at 10 SD who just NOW over a year later may have 'buds' had trainign bras bought for her 10th bday-TOTALLY not needed. Then came the tacky/chunky BIG highlights 5 shades lighter (you know stripper type)....shaving her legs at 10 when she had only peach fuzz, makeup, hoochie clothes, VERY small bikinis. She looks like a tramp in the making.
I've already (and a girlfriend that was with me at the time)-tagteamed SD about how she shouldn't have highlights at this age-that it's for adult or young women not CHILDREN-I flat out said-if you were my kid you would never had gotten them, dont' care if that gets back to bm-she's a moron!
I'm just going to say that
I'm just going to say that everyone has different standards and norms. I dont necessarily think highlights at 9 or 10 is criminal. It can be something that is fun and showing personal style (disclaimer-my dd10 does not have any hightlights). I had a perm back when I was my dd's age. Yuck, I know-but that was all the style back in the 80s. I dont think my mom was trying to make me grow up too quick as much as that is what people back then did with their hair.
My 10 year old does have makeup. I am talking the sparkly lip gloss, a little powder, and some "play" makeup from Justice. Does she put on makeup and go places? No, it's really for fun. She might wear lipgloss otu of the house and htat's about it.
I cant really judge on the padded bra-I'd have to see it to know what "padded" is. Lightly padded or push up-add a cup size-padded? Again, disclaimer-my 10 dd only has some sports bras. Does she really need them? NO not yet-but again it is what girls this age do. She has no thongs-and yes, I think those are gross-do they even make thongs that size?
Document it! Take a pic of
Document it! Take a pic of sd wearing the bra and the bra. The talk to bm and document that you've talked to her about it. That is waaaaay inappropriate. I have three sisters, four teenage nieces and three young female cousins and ALL of them were much too embarrassed to wear anything that "grown up" or that would draw attention to that ahem.. area.. until they were well into their mid to late teens. That is unbelievable.
Yikes-NO! dont take a picture
Yikes-NO! dont take a picture of her in her padded bra. If it is as adult as you are saying then someone could get ahold of this pic and interpret it as child porn!
no no no no no you
no no no no no you misunderstand me. take a pic of her wearing the bra WITH HER CLOTHES ON.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. The bra in question is the type that is heavily padded and makes her look at least one size bigger if not two, than she is. I actually think it is a smaller adult bra and not one form the children’s range.
The bra is so padded and moulded that it can stand up by itself.
I will take a picture of the bra as evidence but may not one of her in it (with her top on) as that might cause all sorts of problems. I have it all documented and dated don't worry.
I think I will have a firm but fair conversation with her tonight about how her dad and I feel it is not appropriate for her to have this type of underwear at her age and then take her shopping for some new, age appropriate plain cotton ones at the weekend. As much as I would love to chuck the ones her BM has bought in the bin, this would cause untold trouble so I think I need to explain to SD that she can't have these at our house. I am just disturbed that she will continue to be allowed to wear these are BM house.
I feel sick to my stomach that a mother can do this to her little girl, I am really struggling to understand why any woman would to this. I am not a BM myself but I would never allow this if I had my own child. BM thinks that as I do not have my own children I don't know what I am talking about when it comes to issues like this, but I know right from wrong mother or no mother.
Thank you all so much for you help, big hugs to you all. X
wow. Alot of different
wow. Alot of different experiences here. The first thing when reading through these is a contour bra is different than a padded bra. The contour (or t-shirt) bra has a few layers to keep the nipples from showing through. The padded bra is obviously sold so the person wearing it looks bigger than they are.
I have a 13 year old who has come over w/ padded pushup underwire bras (victoria secret no less) from the age of 10. She is not even 5'0" now and weighs less than 90 pounds. She is proportional w/ being a true full A-cup. She wears a size 12slim girls pants. The padded pushup bras that she wears over now (oh, forgot to mention they are "molded" too are a size 34 B and make her look like a dolly-parton wannabe in her danskin (she takes dancing lessons and yes, wears them under the danskin). In the beginning, I bought her about a dozen t-shirt bras, colorful,etc. and she'd toss them or bring them to her mom's and would not change her bra the entire weekend here, afraid her bomb-bra would go awol (wish it would). My hubby (her dad) will not make an issue of it because he does not want confrontation with the BM.
I'm trying to remember what I was like at 13 (I was a tomboy) in regards to how I'd react if I saw a girl w/ that on, but am too old....and don't think they had them back then. I equate it with a guy sticking a sock in his crotch personally.