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Do BM's get eaiser once they get remarried themselves?

briarmommy's picture

Just looked at BM's facebook(I have a seperate facebook where I can see hers, to see what is going on) and she is engaged. So here is my question do BM's get easier to handle once they have there own lives and get married or is there just a whole new kettle of fish to deal with? I know for one thing she will be moving because right now she lives 1 and a half hours away from us south and her fiance lives lives 1hr and a half away from us north, since he owns a house I asume they will move to his house. The distance doesn't bother me because it is the same as before but the thing is she will have to find a new job at a different hospital and it will probably pay less because right now she is in charge and when she goes to a different hospital she will have to start all over again on the ladder. DH tells me this shouldn't effect child support because in our state they will still figure it for what she should be making since she is choosing to do this but I know she will probably still try for more money if her income lowers. Also if she moves she will have daycare instead of her family doing it so that may effect support. I just hope that she will be happy and go about her business and not drag us into fights about support etc...

Comments

FourWalls's picture

Unfortunately, I don't think so... The BM in our story didn't. In fact, things are getting worse. The only advice I can give you is don't let your guard down, be ready for the next blow.

briarmommy's picture

I'll keep my guard up, I always do with her. Forwarned is Forarmed so thats why I have a fake facebook I use to keep tabs on her. She posts things that she doesn't tell us all the time. When SS got mono she didn't tell us, he didn't have symptoms anymore but he was still contagious and I had at the time an under a year old baby in the house, we would have still taken him but we would take precautions with the baby. She is an RN she should know that.

briarmommy's picture

You have information you don't think about on her right? You know where she went to high school and what year she graduated? Will Make and email with a girl or guys name(fake), hotmail or yahoo. If BM is someone who is man crazy make a man, if she has trust issues a girl. Then make a facebook account as someone who went to her highschool a year behind her of a couple years ahead. You can then just google image to find a nice looking picture for your profile picture. Go to her page, even if it is private you can usually see the friend list, start by friend requesting her friends and then everyone in your fake high school you see. Wait a few days until you have at least 15-20 friends then friend request her. Thats what I did, my fake guy has 75 friends not including bm and I ignore everyone of them execpt her.

OhNoYouDidNot's picture

In our situation, the answer is a resounding "NO". It's actually gotten worse. The guy BM married seems to be a genuinely nice person, albeit, clueless as to what he got himself into and who he's really dealing with. We're not sure, but there are signs he's possibly left already, and BM has stepped her game against my DH recently. Go figure; we thought she was getting better formabout a window of 6 months, but something's happened and she's more toxic than ever.

Good luck with your BM, and let's hope she's one of the few who moves on happily with her new H.

giveitago's picture

I'm afraid not Briar, ours just cleaned out victim #4 and has moved on to her next one!!

HadEnoughx5's picture

NO Sad Whether our BM is married, a widow, sleeping with the town...she still isn't distracted enough to stop the bullshit }:)

Sorry for bursting your fantasy Dirol

Aeron's picture

Ours certainly didn't. Of course, ours got remarried and then redivorced within a year. It actually made things somewhat harder, because it started a whole new batch of crap based on 'all men are worthless lying rats' because every man she dates is a POS she's picked up at some bar. And every time she pulls a nutty and the guy ditches her, she tries to take it out on DH.

stepmom2fk's picture

Hell no they don't get easier! BM was married to someone when I married DH and she split with that one and got married again. SHe is still a big pain in my ass. She thinks she can control her and ours. To be honest she was easier when she was single. Maybe you'll will have better than I did!

ell's picture

I really do hope for the best for our bm. every 2 years or so she is with someone new, we look up the guys' records, and they are ALL felons. like recent felons. the last one she was with she told us a different name so we couldn't find his records. so for a year or so, we really had no idea who this guy was...until he rolled joints in front of my ss. my ss comes home and shows me how to roll a doobie, and we knew the guy had a record. we had to go through police to get his name. i hope she finds someone good to marry. and i hope he is someone who she is proud for us to know. she is a pretty girl, though not smart and a felon herself, but i think if she finds the right guy, he'll help her grow.

ell's picture

I really do hope for the best for our bm. every 2 years or so she is with someone new, we look up the guys' records, and they are ALL felons. like recent felons. the last one she was with she told us a different name so we couldn't find his records. so for a year or so, we really had no idea who this guy was...until he rolled joints in front of my ss. my ss comes home and shows me how to roll a doobie, and we knew the guy had a record. we had to go through police to get his name. i hope she finds someone good to marry. and i hope he is someone who she is proud for us to know. she is a pretty girl, though not smart and a felon herself, but i think if she finds the right guy, he'll help her grow.

simifan's picture

I have to add my No, sorry. But hey there's always an exception to the rule, maybe it will be you.

NCMilGal's picture

Our BM actually did get better for a while.

While she was single, she was CONSTANTLY on the phone with DH whining about money. She was also treating SD-then-10 like her BFF, and SD was an obnoxious echo of BM in our house.

When she snagged her sugar daddy (35, no kids, relatively good job) BM was in pig heaven. She quit spoiling SD (thank GOD) which improved her behavior. She quit bugging DH, because her man was SUCCESSFUL. (shhh, "loser" DH makes more than her "successful" DH) Right now BM is unemployed (sounds REALLY familiar to DH) and they are sweating making the bills. (also familiar; DH declared bankruptcy to clear the marital debt)

Problem is, he's whackadoo religious, and has turned BM the same. There's a lot of "spare the rod, spoil the child" going on at that house. SD is 15 now, and still gets spanked - even by her stepfather. BM now thinks the voices in her head come from God, which led her to inviting a homeless man to stay at their house recently. The church family vouched for him, so it was all okay! And no, her teenaged daughter was NOT allowed to go to a friend's house for the night - that's ridiculous, it's a school night!

So yeah... as far as affecting US goes, she's gotten better, but she's rapidly alienating her daughter. And unfortunately, we can't do anything to get the girl out of there. Stupid Deep South BM-worshipping states.

briarmommy's picture

Thank you all for your responses, I am going to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. So I will be crossing my fingers but I have a feeling some shoe is about to drop.

Jsmom's picture

Ours got worse...She now felt entitled to CS even though she should have been paying since the divorce even though they had 50/50 based onher income. She PAS SD out of here and then asked for 1600 a month CS. Mediator laughed and said she owed him $5.00 a month. She never would have thought of taking us back to court and all that entails if her new hubby wasn't paying CS and Alimony to two ex wives....

lmac's picture

BM just got engaged on FB over the weekend. I don't expect her behavior toward the kids to change, though she has been more decent to us since she has started dating him. I think he helps her hold her tongue a lot, which means WE don't have to deal with her, but the kids still do.

She was also engaged for a couple of years until April of this year to a man in prison. She broke off her engagement for this guy.

IF she follows through and gets married, I think things will continue to be ok toward us, but honestly, her finding another man only validates her Mother of the Year tendencies, which means the kids are the real ones who suffer. It doesn't help that he's always telling her what a great mom she is (which is absolutely untrue to the max). Of course, he has at least 2 kids by 2 different baby mommas.

RogueRanger's picture

I think when BMs feel a need to be in such constant conflict with our DHs it is because they still have feelings for them. Because they still have feelings for their exes, these BMs are really not in a place to have a healthy relationship with anyone else. Or this is what its seemed like since BM has been in 5 relationships (that we know of) in the last 2 years. Two of whom she was apparently engaged to (or so she felt compelled to tell SS7). The last weekend SS was here, he was on the phone with BM and, as soon as FDH said something to where he'd be audible to BM over the phone, we hear BM saying, "I'm out with a guy." SS asks what's his name. BM tells him I can't tell you. Really classy, BM, let your kid know you're on to dude #5 just because you for some reason think my FDH even cares. The thing is because there's no way these women are in a good place to start a healthy new relationship, there's just more conflict in their life caused by their attempts at new relationships that they then feel compelled to take out on our DHs. Especially when each dude on the revolving door of men gets smarts and runs far away from them, then the BMs just become enraged all over again. Or so it's seemed for us. So, no they definitely don't get better.