Are your DH's hands broken? Let him bake or do a bakery cake, he certainly can wrap gifts or at least mange to shove into a gift bag and smack a ribbon on it.

Go get your nails and hair done.

The kid is a teen. Old enough to be home a bit alone if necessary. Drop him off at BM's before noon on Sunday and enjoy your Sunday afternoon and evening with DH,

It is not wrong to want whatever you want, but that does not make it reality. I know you feel like "your day" is being interrupted...if asked, you may even admit that it is more about the obligation you feel to "have" to participate in the birthday function, to "have" to give up your weekend or special day, and less about having SS there Sunday morning. You feel as if others have taken away your choices by SS being there all weekend and when we lose the right to choose, it shows up as resentment. I had plenty of that before!

You can just as easily take back the power to choose how you will spend your day and if you will, or will not, allow outside influences to mess it up. It is your day to enjoy. Or not.

You chose your wedding date. Yes, you moved it, instead of sticking with your preferred date. Now I realize that you were trying to be accommodating, but it was still your choice. Pleasing to be accommodating, if it is just going to make you resentful, is not good for anyone. And for the last 7 years, based on your post, I assume you have also been accommodating with the birthday/anniversary weekend....so change it.

Getting rid of the resentment, a little at a time, can bring a lot of peace to you. May not make any difference to others, but at least you will feel more in control of what you will and won't allow to affect you.

Why in the sam hill are YOU baking a cake, wrapping gifts and throwing a party for a kid who treats you like crap? *newsflash* to your DH.. he's.not.your.kid.

Do you have the kid every weekend? If it's EOWE, then just celebrate your Anniversary next weekend. I have never understood people who get all bent out of shape about not being able to celebrate some day (Christmas, Easter, Birthday, Anniversary) on that EXACT day. :?

I don't think it's wrong to ask, but it would be wrong to be upset if she says no, especially if it's DH's time. Well not wrong to be upset, of course you can be upset....but wrong to be resentful if BM says no. She has the right to refuse, she's not sticking it to you if she's just exercising her rights under the CO, kwim?

I would want to spend a day I considered special with my DH too.

Just wondering why you have to be the one to do the birthday stuff? Can DH not do it? Or maybe just don't do it... and if SS asks, just state that you've been busy preparing for your wedding anniversary, wonder why dad didn't prepare for his kid's bday?

Yes that would be throwing your DH under the bus a little... or a lot... but... I wouldn't be making SS's birthday preparations out of obligation, especially if my reaction to it is asking why BM can't do it instead of the better reaction, which is why isn't DAD doing it

Soon, the SS will not want you or SO anywhere near him on his birthday! My SO and SD have the same birthday so I have occasionally had to miss seeing him on his birthday and once, had to put up with pictures of him, BM and the skids at McDonalds celebrating SD's birthday like happy families. Now, thanks to adolescence, SD would rather have her eyes poked out than spend her birthday with either parent. And SO also realised that it was a lot more fun to have a birthday meal with me than a birthday meal with BM and the skids followed by a 30-day sex drought!

There is hope!