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When do you stop buying Christmas gifts for exs from Stepkids?

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 7:10am

I haven't posted in forever but Christmas is here and that means......STRESS.. Anyway my SS is 13, when does it become his responsibility to get a gift for his mom? My daughter with my husband is 6 and a 1/2 and she told me she wanted to get Christmas gifts for her dad, my husband, and for her grandmothers, she even wanted to use her money from her piggy bank so I took her to dollar tree and she picked out ornaments for each of them and little gift bags even. My stepson has money he gets allowance but he takes no initiative to buy gifts for his mother or even ask to go shopping. I really want to know when it becomes the kids responsibility. When I was a kid I mad gifts for my father at my moms house and vice versa for my mom at my dads house, no one told me to I just did it and when I was 11 and had money I bought my own gifts......this whole thing with us paying for a gift for my husbands ex even if from SS is odd to me.

Comments

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 7:24am

My husband will take him out for a gift for the ex I know this but I hate that our money is going for the gift. That woman gets so much of our money already on top of having a lot more money then us in general....it just really bothers me that on top of that now we are spending money on a Christmas gift for her. I know your right and I should just let DH handle it but it still erks me.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 7:19am

We've never done this. Last year, I got an extra picture frame and let SD put one of her pics in it for BM. She made gifts for her mom. This year, all the kids made ornaments for the other parents. We never actually buy them gifts.

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 12:54pm

We don't buy anything for BM from SD. She's actually never brought up wanting to get BM a gift, but BM isn't really in the picture. She did want to get my mom a card for her birthday, so we told her to make one. When they're young/don't have money to buy gifts, they make them. That's what I did as a kid too. Explain to SS that when you have no money, you can't buy anything, and that people like homemade gifts too. It's not all about the money afterall. It's the thought that counts Smile

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 2:16pm

I tend to see gift giving as a life skill, a lesson that needs to be taught and reinforced. And I think the divisiveness of post divorce life is why we have so many entitled, socially awkward people in the world. Your bio WANTS to give presents, while a skid parented from guilt and dislike of the ex doesn't have a clue. How sad.

I get that you don't want any more money going to the BM, but if your SS13 has pocket money then why isn't anyone teaching him that Xmas is the giving season and guiding him to embrace that? You and your DH would be doing the world a service if you held your SS to that standard.

JustMee's picture

Submitted by JustMee on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 5:49pm

Yes!! Full agreement here!
I am noticing the my SS is being let expect that it's all about him GETTING and nothing to do with giving. This is something that bothers me, but not DH. All I do is make a suggestion and gif DH chooses to ignore that then fine. SS has become very greedy and during his last b'day actually said "Is that all?" after opening numerous gifts Sad

trying1996's picture

Submitted by trying1996 on Mon, 12/19/2016 - 2:43pm

I did this one year for my SS. I got her a nice basket from bath and body works. She told me she would add it to her junk drawer with all of the other stuff she doesn't use. I wanted to tell her she could shove it up her a$$, but being in the Christmas spirit I refrained. That was the first and last time.