Marriage Retreat falls on a Skid Weekend
I found an excellent marriage retreat in my state in a BEAUTIFUL setting along with Workshops to help you strengthen your marriage.
It falls on a weekend my husband is to have his girls. They have their final softball games that weekend.
I'm not really sure of myself on if and how hard I push.
It's really important to me. I also don't want to have a guilt ridden husband as my guest who is focused on whether or not he should be with his girls. (He IS the softball coach) I don't want to be selfish but I think him and I are notorious for placing the kids ahead of our marriage - as a constant. It's gotten us into trouble before.
Will the world come to a crashing end either way?
Nah.
It's a once a year retreat. There's always next year. Softball is also an ongoing thing. Could he plan around it? I'm not sure.
I'm having a hard time here and have feelings of guilt and questioning my better judgement.
Help?
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I kinda did leave it in his
I kinda did leave it in his court.
"This is very important to me - but I understand that you have other obligations..."
I also could be a spoiled, little wife and stomp my feet.
I guess I need to leave the ball in his court and see he comes back with before I anticipate how I'm going to feel.
I did look into other retreats and this one is unique in that it is Federally Funded and therefore is in our[low budgeted] price range.
The world won't come to a crashing end either way. I struggle a little bit in not enabling a certain "your needs don't matter" mindset in my family structure and something I am trying to change by communicating better my needs. I have a hard time in not being the doormat - it's a learned trait of mine. So I struggle a little bit in being clear and it leaves me second guessing myself.
Thanks for your feedback!!! <3
I would go. I am not sure
I would go. I am not sure how old your skids are-but if they are not working toward a softball scholarship with scouts out there to watch them I am not sure it's a big deal. My dh coached our kids soccer team-we took off and went away for the weekend. Kids stayed with grandparents and he had the assitant coach coach that weekend. He didnt feel guilty at all-and truthfully I doubt the kids wouldve cried any real tears if they had to miss or something.
I was just thinking the same thing the other day about getting so wrapped up in my kids life that I have neglected my husband and marraige. My kids are 13, 11, and 9. Dh's son is 13. My kids have somethign going constantly. I am not sure there is such a thing as a free weekend. All weekend this weekend will be a soccer tournament. Last weekend it was academic bowl. Between their activities and transpoting ss for 3 hours eowe on Friday night we dont get much time it seems. And its not just time-my focus is not on him either as I am constantly thinking about where i've got to be with this one or that one, dont forget to pick up a sack lunch for their field trip, I need to talk to this one about such and such a behavior before it gets out of hand, did I pay their lunch bill? It's endless. I imagine if I put so much focus on my dh then we'd probably have an awesome relationship (as long as he was doing the same for me)
We have been to two differnt marriage retreats and they were awesome experiences. Came home feeling reconnected and we still talk about some of the things we learned.
Your marriage is so important and should be nurtured just like your children should be. Please make it a priority and you will be giving your children a wonderful gift that will be far more valuable than a weekend of softball.
Thank you for the
Thank you for the validation!!!
I, too, think that it's so important to nuture your marriage. Our whole life seems to revolve around our children. I mean WHOLE life. There's 5 of them - it's hard not to be engulfed in it.
I miss dating my husband. I miss lazy days sleeping til noon with him. I would love a whole weekend focused on just us.
He would probably be just
He would probably be just fine - IF he's the one that comes to the conclusion that we should go.
He loves coaching his girls too, though. And it IS their last game of the season.
I wish there was a middle ground solution. I wish there was another retreat and I wasn't so flipping excited to go to this particular one.
Gah. I wish the answer were easier.
Good points. There are
Good points.
There are solutions. There are assistant coaches. There is a summer league right after this current one.
There are also lots of times where the tables were turned and "something came up" in regards to the kiddos and our plans were altered.
I'm trying to be considerate of all of it and you are very correct in all of your thoughts. I'm trying to remain fair and conscience of everyone involved.
I also wonder if it would have been different had I found it prior to the softball schedule being released? Would that have made a difference - would there have been a requirement that I sacrafice?
And that should be a two way street, ya know?
You can wait til skids are
You can wait til skids are grown and then try to pick up the pieces of your forgotten marriage when DH doesn't have softball and whatever to focus on.
OR the two of you can realize while there will be another session next year, there will also be more softball games to attend/coach in the future as well.
Softball can take a backseat just this once.This marriage retreat may give the two of you the tools to make it easier and smoother for you to work together in order to make sure no more softball games are missed.(i'm using softball as a small thing that encompasses LARGE issues)
Hmmm, you guys should both
Hmmm, you guys should both present your sides, present his "options" and then you both decide.
His wknd can be swapped or he chooses not to exercise visitation that wknd, simple.
As for coaching-if he's already been to all the games by then-missing one even if last one isn't a big deal honestly. It's not high school level or anything too serious right?
Look-it was my bday and bf and I decided to go on our kid free wknd to the mountains on the bike....the bm wanted him to go to the sd first game-she called about 10 times between fri night and Sat am reminding him...he finally called her back before the game was starting to say he would not be there and was out of town.
She was livid, through a fit-told him he didn't care about their D (again wasn't his wknd even)...whathaveyou...anyways-he showed for every game after even on his "off" wknds...and the LAST game she didn't show, nor did the coach-on assistant coach took his place. Not even the coach mom was there
SO...sometimes we have to put our marriages/relationships first. If you guys are needing this make it a priority....marriage staying intact and healthy and strong vs one softball game missed....hmmmmmm
So true! I read the best
So true!
I read the best quote the other day that said
"Our children should be our top responsibility but our marriage should be our top priority"
It makes a lot of sense really...
What good are we if we can't be happy in our marriage?
I would never ask him, as the
I would never ask him, as the coach, to miss the last game of the season! Why put him in a bind? And I wouldn't want my DH to come with me to a retreat unless he wholeheartedly wanted it. Why not plan a weekend away with lots of fun activities the weekend AFTER the end of season?
If it was me, I'd bring it up with the caveat that you know it's the last game, yadda, yadda... and see what he says. He may surprise you or he may say, I don't want to miss that game. I wouldn't make it into a test about what his priorities are.
I don't feel like I'm trying
I don't feel like I'm trying to test him. I also don't think he feels like he's in a bind. I've been very clear that I won't be angry if he wants to be there for the last game.
We're both pretty secure in that aspect. It's not an ultimatum, and him and I have nothing to 'prove' to each other. Disappointment is a part of life - for me and the kids. We are very adaptable creatures and there is a tournament that immediate follows the end of the season games.
I also did very much leave the choice up to him. I don't need any sort of validation in that sense, i.e. he needs to go to prove that he loves me - I just want to go and want to make sure I communicate how important it is to me.
I also value the importance of being a softball coach. So it's where the conundrum lays for me.
A weekend away is very different to me then a Marriage Retreat that has workshops on strengthening your marriage. It's a federally funded (through grants) project with trained key note speakers and life coaches. It is an extremely valuable resource that happens once a year and I think it could only help us. I am a believer in working on the resilience of my marriage as not to let it spiral towards divorce [like where we were once headed]. Kinda like exercising and good eating habits so you don't have health problems.
Thank you for your thoughts - I hope I clarified so you better understand.