word vomit
I've noticed a curious thing about myself since my divorce from my exH a few years ago. I seem to have contracted a case of word vomit.
During my marriage, I was silent about the real issues we had. Our marriage counselor advised me repeatedly to find my voice, and when I finally did it said "I don't want to be married to this man any longer." It hasn't shut up since.
Since this is kind of new to me, I am still learning how to control the voice, so it all doesn't end up just as word vomit, spewing all over whoever happens to be closest. Case in point, last weekend we were visiting with some friends. The man has an alcohol problem, and was drunk. He was nasty to his teenaged son, and made him cry. I told our friend off for caring more about the bottle than his family, and he didn't like it one bit, which ended up with us making a hasty retreat.
So today, I decided I wanted to rollerblade since 1) It's hot as hell here and 2) I've been running a lot, training for a big race, and my joints need some crosstraining. I was sitting there planning my route and my day with FDH, when he suddenly got a weird look on his face.
"Uh, I don't think your rollerblades are here," he mumbled.
Come again? Apparently FDH thought it would be ok to lend them to skid1 because I've let him borrow them in the past. Sure, makes sense, except I was never told about this and FDH didn't make sure they got brought back here from BM's. It doesn't matter if I hardly ever use them, or if they are 10 years old. Fact is, they're mine, and I paid over $100 for them when I got them. And, yeah, they're mine.
I could feel a case of word vomit coming on. Apparently, FDH is learning to recognize the signs, because he quickly said "I know - I shouldn't have lent them out without asking you, and I should have made sure they got returned. I fucked up, and I am going to fix it." And with that, the word vomit settled right back down again.
He's driving over to BM's to get them right now }:) He wanted me to go with and I just said "Nah, I'll stay here and finish my coffee," instead of what I really wanted to say, which was "I am NOT ruining my nice relaxing Sunday morning by laying eyes on BM and her shitty little house. You fucked up, so man up and fix it."
There's hope for me yet, I think.
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Comments
I think for the majority part
I think for the majority part word vomit is just fine for getting what needs said out there without hemming and hawing to avoid hurt feelings. I have a great friend we both have word vomititis and it's something we love about each other blunt honesty.
Even better is when they know a reality check is coming and start fixing it without a word being said to do so.
Ya know I was dreading
Ya know I was dreading exactly that, but they came back in the same shape they left in. And I had a fantastic time on the trail!
I have word vomit too. I
I have word vomit too. I think I am beyond hope. There is no filter big enough to save me! Good for you for keeping it in check. Nothing worse than having to apologize for an especially aggressive attack of word vomiting!
I am like you. When I split
I am like you. When I split with my ex I found my voice. I have a friend in a similar position. We were both beaten down in the relationship and at a minimum emotionally abused. Now, neither of us take any crap. Our relationships ended a few months apart, so we worked through a lot together. I think it is just once you find your voice again you realize what you have been missing and make up for lost time. My poor BF now gets it for the smallest thing, as I refuse to let things slide anymore - would rather walk!