Tired of Accommodating BM!
DH got an email from BM#2 wanting to switch weekends because she wants to go on a retreat on a weekend we wouldn't normally get SS. DH replied to her and told her that he was NOT interested in changing weekends, but would take SS that weekend (so we'd have him 3 weekends in a row) so she can go on her retreat. She wants to know why he won't just trade? And is this the precedent from this point forward?
Here's my thought on it -- you (BM) are choosing to go to a retreat on YOUR weekend with SS - why should we change up our schedule (once again?!) to accommodate you?? If you want to go on your retreat, we'll gladly take SS for that weekend too, but you're not going to guilt DH into messing up our schedule and plans just because YOU want to do something different.
As far as precedent, you're GD right. We are tried of changing our plans and schedules to accommodate you. If we have nothing planned, no big deal. But in this situation, our normal scheduled weekends with SS have plans so no trading. Period.
I think she got the updated custody order modification proposal. One of the huge items we had added in was a Right of First Refusal. Any other time, we never would've known unless we found out accidentally.
Anyways - chalk one up for DH for standing his ground against BM#2!! Small victories and baby steps! We'll take them as they come.
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Comments
Awesome! good for you. I hate
Awesome! good for you. I hate when my bm does that. I don;t get why they think everyone else should change or drop what they are doing just for them!
I don't know but during the
I don't know but during the last month, we have had to change our plans to accommodate hers at least three times. I'm sick of it. DH is sick of it. And HOPEFULLY she is finally getting the picture that DH is not playing her stupid games.
This will be her first real "actual" custody order that she will be held to so we'll see.
Yeah first its switch times
Yeah first its switch times to accomodate her activities.
Then after a few times during that & getting a taste of freedom, BM will be too busy to mess around with kids, except for the 1st of month when she gets her child support check... And then its a Burger King dinner for kids (if they brought money with them).
Oh yeah. It's already
Oh yeah. It's already McDonald's and Chinese food every other night so not much different from that scenario. Except she NEEDS that money so she won't let kids go.
We use to let BM trade
We use to let BM trade weekends, but we stopped that a while back. Told her if she doesn't want them on her weekend, then she loses that weekend. But we will be glad to keep them any time she doesn't want them, and they are always welcome here at home. She doesn't ask as often anymore.
I think we're just about
I think we're just about there. She and DH have been going back and forth in email for the last hour. I'm sure that will be the ultimate decision.
I'm really hoping he
I'm really hoping he continues with this perspective. I think my talking has convinced him of how jacked she is. She expects all of this flexibility for when she has plans or wants to make plans, but then when he asks for a favor, she throws it back in his face. I could go on and on and sometimes i do, but this is the first steps in the right direction. We area also pretty much convinced she has received our proposed custody agreement modification so she's testing the waters with it. The fact that she asked if this was the precedent or not tells me she knows her selfish ways are about to stop. Someone else said it - if you don't want them on your weekend, you lose it. No more trading. Hallelujah!!
Yaaay for DH and you! The
Yaaay for DH and you! The more she has to "forfeit" her time on last minute changes that she initiates, the less they happen eventually. And, you get to document it and throw it in the instability file. Isn't it a wonder how these skids have all these acting out and bedwetting issues? Hmmmm, could it be there is no consistency w/these crazy BM's???
I wish that my DH would do
I wish that my DH would do this! Kudos for yours! We are always accomodating BM. And of course my DH says, well when we need her to switch then she will... But it seems like she always makes a big deal if we ask her to change...