I have been a stepmother for 10 years and am a product of divorced parents.

I have recently went through something simulair to your situation. I know it hurts when you hear those words. I have felt the pain. YOU do everything for them and smack in the face.

I think you should just be yourself. Don't change who you are. They are looking for a reaction.
Plus their mother is looking for a reaction. Dont give it to them. I think I would of came back with, " I am sorry to hear that but I still like you."

I think the mother is using the kids as a pawn, (my parents played that game with me and my siblings). If you just be yourself and act like it doesnt bother you. It will get dropped. Plus as they mature they will form their own opion and will be less infuenced by the mom. They will see with their own eyes what their mother is doing. You have to remember they want to please her they live with her.

Keep your head up, smile and stay positive.

I would TRY to ignore but probably could not resist, reminding them what they said, the next time they come over. If they ask you for a cookie, drink, etc., say 'oh I am sure you don't want me to get it, since you don't like me.'

As little as they are, they can still get consequences. If their dad won't give them one, you can.!!! Sorry but I would be sorely tempted, to take this chance to teach them some respect.! HUGS honey.

At least they are saying this to your face, my SD is the queen of smiling to my face and saying she loves me, then stabbing me and DH in the back, to my family even! She and BM still hope I would continue to give nice gifts and take her on nice trips after the things she has said about us, and have it both ways - uh, no. She is older though, 19

Next time they visit sit them down and explain that what they said hurt your feelings, explain to them that when they visit they are treated well but now that they have decided that they don't like you that you will treat them for one day like you don't like them.

Yell a lot, swat them on the ass when the do not snap to immediately when you tell them to do something, etc, etc, etc....

At the end of the day sit them down again and ask them. "Now, would your rather have me like you or not like you? This is entirely up to you. Also, I do not tell you to tell your mother that you do not like her so I expect that you will not listen to her when she tells you to say that you don't like me. Are we ready to get back to liking each other like we usually do?"

The direct route always works best in these situations. At least in my experience.

Good luck.

tew funny iwlass.....we could have been sharing the same skids. They can be so mean. But, that's their MO...that's how they really are and will be to those they work with, relatives to those they marry. If people are mean, they're mean always. IT's not just you...it's everybody they'll treat between their facades of "oh look at me, aren't I such a good girl and so nice"...GAG!!

These kids, I'd tell them since they don't like me, we can't be friends. Because my friends care for me and want the best, as I have those same feelings for them. You have made it very clear how you feel. Okay, no problem...there's millions of others who want to be a friend, I want to be there for them.

I wouldn't sweat the little game players with the vicious BM. BM's a loser, you're going to have that crud the rest of your married life. I'd be chilly and wouldn't go out of my way for the Shits.

Been there, done that.....wish I'd moved on as husband's kid are still S#!% arses.

6 & 10. Hmmmmm.
The next time they are over Dear Old Dad needs to take them to one side and tell them that he had plans to take them to XYZ this weekend. However as SM was going to pay for it all and it was her idea that plan is now off the books. Because saying you hate someone on the phone is cowardly and unmanly and babyish. And then he marches them into your room and says to them "OK, tell her to her face how much you hate her." I BET you they won't say a word or one of them will cry if not both.

They miss out on TV and get sent to their rooms for being mean.

The next day everything is back to normal with references to being kind and not nasty because nasty peoplemiss out on some pretty cool stuff.

And DOD needs to have a talk to them about understanding how difficult it is when your parents don't live together and one parent can get very angry at the other.

It must be a very tough situation for a 10 yr old to be in. With a vindictive mother breathing down his neck coaching him to say horrible things to his stepmother and having to stay in the same house as that person for the rest of the week. I don't envy them in the least.

And maybe DOD wants to send their mother an email pointing out that if the children ever make calls like that again he will hold her responsible and take her to court. Then the judge will speak to the children alone and separately to get to the bottom of the problem. And neither of them need to be pulled out of school for that do they?

That should shut the crow up.