Though my husband's kids needed their smart a$$ faces slapped and their arses spanked, I left it to my husband. I personally only see spanking a child when he's placed himself in danger. Such as, running into the street, straying away from the house ( I know I know....parents are to watch their children 24/7, but I'm one of those that think that can't always be)getting into a neighbor's swimming pool while they're away from the house...etc. Those kinds of situations.

But then, when the skids pulled those kinds of stunts, I kept them in their room until their dad arrived and let him handle it.

I feel it best to let a birth parent spanking kids and only up to around 4.

I'm not a big believer in corporal punishment, so this has never been an issue in my home. However, even if I were, I would never lay a hand on my step children. It opens the door for a BIG can of worms.

I have been given permission by my FDH to swat SS8's butt should I deem it necessary. I have not done it and probably won't. However, I am also the resident SM and they see their BM once a year for less than a week...the reason I do not spank my Skids is not because I respect their BM or her "title" as mommy, but rather because of my own personal beliefs on the matter.

In the state of Texas, spanking a child is legal for ANYONE that EITHER bio-parent gives permission to. The other parent doesn't have to like it and there is flaff all they can do about it. I know this because BM was threatening to press charges for me abusing SS8 by making him write sentences. I had two lawyers and a police officer (all friends) tell me this information.

Best I can suggest is asking your xH how he would feel if your DH were to start spanking your bios...it's a tough one.

Good luck!

Let the ex and SM know if she touches your kids again, you will beat her ass. Plain and simple.

I'd never agree to a step physically correcting a child, that's not their place, especially if BOTH parents are alive and in the childs life, but I can understand how kids can sometimes drive adults to feeling like they need to physically correct kids. I'd say it's NOT ok for a step to spank

smof5....yes, you really need to let your EX know SM is not to physically discipline your child. Let your husband know that you expect him to give that news to his wife in private and that you're not going to tell your kids that SM is not allowed to spank or strike them. BUT.....you will be asking them questions, in a non threatening way, to stay on top of how and who is disciplining them.

As one who has had skids shouting in my face, saying the most horrible words and really keeping myself in check not to knock their block off, I know self control. Also, if husband adequately deals out discipline, I'd think the wait of father returning home to confront the situation would be incredibly awful for the child. Let him/her sit in the room and sweat it out with the wait.

Is it possible you can call the sm and let her know if she's having a problem with the kid, to call you and let you speak with the child? That you will support her if the child has misbehaved?

I wish I could have had that opportunity, but the BM encouraged her children to be rude and hateful. So that would have never been an option.

Good luck...shame this is happening.

I have spanked my ss before. In fact, lots of times-when he was littler. I probably stopped when he was around 8. Of course dh didnt have a problem (it's what he told me to do )nor did bm have a problem with it. SS's stepdad also spanked him when he was younger. It is not against the law-so I'm not sure what you could do about it-other than to have it written into the court order that stepparents are not to use physical discipline. Bottom line, if your dh is giving her permission and she is not leaving any marks on him its not assault or abuse.

For my FSS, there really is no other option sometimes. It sucks because I don't even spank my own DD; it's not something I believe in for most circumstances. Unfortunately for FSS, BM (and her mom and every other female "authority" figure in his life) gives him the "oh, he's special needs, so he doesn't understand, so it's ok" excuse. Strangely enough, since all the male authority figures in his life have never allowed this as an excuse, FSS *listens* to males. But women, no way; he thinks it's a game. I hated to do it, but I have had to smack him once because his behavior was so out of control he was hurting me, hurting DD, and breaking furniture - he thought it was all a game!!!!! I finally had to smack him on the behind to get his attention. I felt so bad because it hurt his feeling so much. He wanted me to hold him, so I did and let him cry it out. When he was done, I had his attention; I was able to explain to him what he had done was wrong and that he had hurt people and that he was not to do it again.
So, I'd have to say in some circumstances, yes, SPs may need to physically correct SC.

I am a step, and even IF they deserved it I wouldn't do it. Just not my kid.

I would never hit my stepkids. DH and BM are both adamantly against it and I'm not really pro spanking either. I'm a teacher, so I'm pretty good at handling things.I don't plan on spanking my own children either. I know some of the "old schoolers" on here have issues with that, but I was never spanked and I turned into a wonderful human being! I don't look down on people who spank. I have ok stepkids who listen fairly well for 6 year olds. I've never been faced with a kid trying to burn down my house or anything crazy!

In Australia anyone resposible for the child at the time can spank so that is at school, day care, steps and bios or grand parents etc. We don't have this in our schools these days because of these too gooders but anyways I spank my step daughter when she needs it. It doesn't happen alot but from time to time have pulled out the wooden spoon and I do not feel bad for it. She also has time outs and goes to be early or has toys taken from her. If the child is in your house and you feel its on for a smack on the bum then I say do it but if you feel like you shouldn't then don't. A smack on the bum is alot different to bashing a child. My husband is a police officer and he see's nothing wrong with it and I was given permission in the begining to do it so my situation may be alittle different. Anyways she is treated as if she was my own so it seems a little different to everyone else, because they are scared of what might happen to them. If I had a bio child and its step mother needed to smack my child on the bum i would tell her go for it! My parents and DH's father smackes her when she plays up as well. Takes a villiage to raise a child, not just one person. Thats my two cents

Even though I have been FT SM in her life since she was 7, I have never laid a hand on SD13, and never will. Her dad is more than capable of taking care of that when he deems it necessary. I have grounded her and taken away privleges, but I will never hit her. Plus, she responds better to a stern 'I am so disappointed in you / I expected better from you' talk.
I also have never/will never lay a hand on SS9. We have him 3 weekends/month, so I do have to get on to him once in a while. Both of my SK's are good kids though, so I'm blessed.
Also, I can count on 1 hand the number of times DH has spanked both of them in the last 6 years. I'm a firm believer in parenting. If you parent, you *usually* don't have to spank.