I'm trying to stay positive, but damn. :(
So today marks 1 month that I have been disengaged from my sk's. The first week was hard, but now I have so much peace and I am so much happier. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas focused only on my kids... in fact, I'm excited about it! It's been YEARS since I could DO for them and not have to worry about being FAIR.
So as I am walking around in my happy little bubble this evening, my own mother says, "Why don't you invite SD and her fiance' over for Thanksgiving?" I instantly laughed and told her that the ball is in SD's court and she has yet to even act like she gives a crap that I'm not speaking to her or that she hasn't seen my kids, my life has been peaceful and drama free and I have no desire to invite all of that back in here. I am looking forward to a quiet, peaceful holiday with my children and that is what I will have. I had already told DH last night after his "this disengagement thing isn't working" speech that he can feel free to go to SD's house for Thanksgiving if he'd like. And I told my mom the same thing.
What ticks me off... this is MY mother. She has NO connection to SD AT ALL... and in fact, MOST of the time she gripes about SD and her attitude too. I realize that my mom misses the baby... I do too. But I am getting completely frustrated that I have absolutely NO support AT ALL... except what I am getting through this group and from the few friends I have in the area. It freakin' drives me INSANE that everyone wants to just BOW DOWN to this little bitch who does nothing but reek havoc in the lives of everyone she knows! Even her fiance' told my dh that he is sick of being griped out all the time!
The only comfort that I have is that DS17, DD13, and DD10 (dd10 being SD's half sister) have not asked me to see SD, have not even mentioned her. In fact, DD13 told me that she understands why I don't want sd around because dd13 witnessed sd yelling at me and talking to me like dirt a month ago and is pretty upset with her all on her own. So I just keep trying to focus on my kids... keep trying to think of fun things for us to do during the holidays, etc, to try and keep my mind off of all of this other BS so I can maintain my peace that DH and my mother just don't seem to understand at all.
I am completely at peace with my decision and have been for a while now... but it ticks me off that people that claim to love me will not just leave me alone and let me do what I have to do in order to protect my own emotional well-being! They are more concerned about THEMSELVES and their inconvenience... and this is the first time that I have put myself first rather than just laying down like a rug for people to walk on me, so I guess it's just throwing them ALL for a LOOP! Maybe it's GOOD to shake things up every once in a while!!
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Comments
It is good to shake things up
It is good to shake things up for a change. I'm sorry that your own family isn't backing you up! I know it must feel very lonely. I am glad that you are at peace and happy with the decisions that you are making for you and your kids and not for someone else's kids who obviously don't know how to act like normal human beings. I just don't get it. I am rather young mysefl, 27, and I would never ever talk to an adult like that. My mom would beat my ass! As far as your own mom goes, I understand that its great having babies aroundm, but you are her baby (so to speak) and she needs to worry about you and her grandkids. I think you are doing a great job! Noone deserves to be treated the way that you were treated and if you didn't take up for yourself, who would? It sounds like nobody, so good for you in being strong and disengaging even though you have no support!
Yeah, it does feel pretty
Yeah, it does feel pretty lonely sometimes. But more than that, it just hurts that the 2 people that are supposed to be closest to me do not see how much pain I have endured because of sd's hurtful comments, and how stressed her attitude, drama, and anger make me... that they would prefer that I just continue to endure it because it would be easier for them. My kids would never talk to someone like that either. I've taught them from the time they started talking about being respectful and manners... something my sk's were not taught unfortunately. And this is my thing... sd talks to everyone like this. She has no respect for anyone, including herself. SS is the same way. I do have to say though that SS does respect me more than sd does by far. He really does try to watch what he says around me or what he talks about, etc. And he has told others that have later told me that he loves his mom, but I was the one that did everything a mother does for their kid. His problem is that he is 22 years old and he would rather be out partying, mooching, and hanging out with 17 & 18 year olds than getting his life together and growing up. So his are a whole other set of problems, but still problems I don't agree with or condone which is why I disengaged from him as well.
And you are right. If I didn't stand up for myself and my kids, no one else would either. Thanks for your support & understanding.
This group is just fantastic. 
You are more than welcome!
You are more than welcome! Anytime
I haven't been in a similar situation to yours, but I do know what it is like not have the support of the people who are closest to you and your right it does hurt. By the way, I noticed you are from AL...me too! I am currently living in PA for my husband's job, but we are looking to get back ASAP!
Why doesn't your mom invite
Why doesn't your mom invite her over if she wants to see her? There's no way I'd have the kid in my house after how she talked to and about you. And come on, she's an adult. Actions=consequences. Duh.
If you just get itching for some drama on Thanksgiving, rent a chimp for a day and turn it loose in the house. That'll at least be interesting, but I'd be darned if I'd let that brat ruin my holiday. Who wants to sit across the table and eat while looking at an insolent little jerkbag? Pass the gravy.
Mom lives with us. My dad
Mom lives with us.
My dad passed away 8 1/2 years ago and she was afraid to live alone. (she has some mental issues so she's pretty paranoid). And SD's drama is exactly what I am doing my darnedest to avoid. Every time she came over here for the last several months before I disengaged, she would end up yelling at someone (usually her dad, but the last time was me), get her panties all in a wad, pack up the baby without allowing my dd13 and dd10 to even tell him goodbye (which would crush them and leave them in tears for me to have to deal with after her dramatic performance), and leave in a huff. DS17 stopped "being home" about 2 months ago whenever she would come over here because he was sick of her drama too. He would duck out to his girlfriend's house or a friend's when he knew she was coming. So when she's here, it throws our whole household into a tailspin and upsets everybody. It is just not worth it. It seems that I am the only one that is concerned about the way her attitude, drama, and excessive anger effects our household and my children. The other adults here just want the convenience of sd coming here. But fortunately for me and my children, I wear the pants in THIS situation and I have made it very clear to my dh that if he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is and I sure as heck won't stop him from running to his little princess to live with her. 