DH and I went out and did some Christmas shopping today. While we were out he brings up ss22. I don't remember how, but I remember thinking, "What does this have to do with anything? Why are we ALWAYS talking about YOUR kids?" He proceeds to tell me that ss22's car is parked at sd20's apartment. I asked him what's wrong with it... the kid has no gas. I said, "Well, I guess he will figure it out." DH says, "He has no job." I said, "Well, yeah, what's new? If he wanted gas, he'd figure out how to get it. I just saw on his myspace a couple of days ago that he went to a hockey game and then was going to PARTY afterwards. If he wants something he seems to have his ways to find how to do it." DH says, "His friend pays for him to do those things." I said, "Well, let him get his friend to buy his gas if that's the kind of person he's going to be."

I started to see where this was going. DH knows that I told SS22 to come and get his crap out of my house after his disrespectful episode with my mother. DH is feeling sorry for his baby boy again. Then he asked me if I had heard anything from the text I sent to SS22. I said, "No, nor do I expect to. If he wants his crap, he knows when he has to come and get it by." He did tell me that he called SS22 Thursday to wish him a happy Thanksgiving "wherever he was". SS22 told him he was staying with friends. SURPRISE SURPRISE. After that... dead silence.

All I could think was, 'you've GOT to be KIDDING me!' GUILT... GUILT GUILT GUILT for WHAT? OVER WHAT? BECAUSE OF WHAT? WHY does this man feel SO freakin' guilty? WHY does he allow these kids to just run over him, me, our whole family? What in the heck is the problem?

DH is completely clueless to what he's doing to enable this kid. If I wouldn't have set my foot down he would STILL be enabling him. It's so old. If the kid doesn't want to display any kind of responsibility, let him go learn how to live on his own so he can fall on his face and LEARN some responsibility. The kid has already had himself kicked out of the navy on purpose because he hated A-school, has been married and divorced, now has a 4 month old child that he has nothing to do with... and offers no apologies for anything he does. He thinks life is all fun and games... hockey games, amusement parks, pot, drinking... when does it END? If you don't make them take responsibility for themselves it NEVER will!

Funny thing about it is the way DH treats my ds17. Last night, ds comes home from his girlfriend's house and comes up to talk to me. He's been having some problems with his car, and after changing the oil last week knows that his engine has limited life on it. But he loves his car. So he is starting to plan ahead. He has a couple of friends, one of which has an older mechanic brother that ds gets along with well. They have offered to help ds rebuild an engine if he can find one to fit the car. So ds is planning to look for a job starting Monday (up til now he's been doing odd jobs for his gf's parents because her mom works full time and her dad has been down after 5 back surgeries and can't do things around the house... they pay ds for all of his work), buy an engine that they've found that will fit, rebuild the engine and then when it's finished, he will only be out a car a few days to a week while the engine transfer is made. DH starts YELLING at ds17 telling him that he doesn't have to buy a whole other engine, he can just rebuild the one in the car. Well, common sense tells you that if you take an engine out of a car, rebuild it, and then put it back in the car, you will be without a car for a LONG while... however long the whole process takes. DS17 knows that he NEEDS his car, so he's trying to work out a plan that will keep his time without a car to a minimum. Personally, I think he's put a lot of thought into it, I think he's planning it out well, and I think he will be able to execute the plan with few hang ups. I am beyond proud of my son for displaying problem solving skills in an adult fashion, and my dh is saying that my ds is being ridiculous!! ARGH! After ds walked away from dh, he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, "What the crap?" I just shrugged my shoulders back at him and said, "I'm proud of you for thinking ahead son. I think you are doing the right thing." He thanked me and left the room.

After he left I said, "It will never matter what he does will it?" DH asked what I was talking about. I told him that ds is putting a lot of thought and planning into his plan to fix his car, fixing it on his own (something ss22 has NEVER done... daddy always pays for that stuff, but I didn't say that), and making sure that he's without a car for as little time as possible. What exactly will it take for ds to get some kind of approval from him? He didn't say anything back. I already know he will never get dh's approval. DH seems to think that when ds turns the ages of sk's, he will be acting like they do. What dh doesn't realize is how sk's acted when they were ds's age. They NEVER displayed any kind of responsibility, respect, etc. They have always thought that everything was supposed to be handed to them on a silver platter. DS knows better. He knows if he wants something, he's going to have to work for it. But whatever. At this point, I think ds could be 30 and living a normal happy life and dh would STILL find something wrong with what he was doing just because it's ds.

All of this said to basically remind myself that even after 11 years of going through this BS, dh is still completely clueless. I think I am finally realizing that dh will ALWAYS be completely clueless and if given the opportunity he would enable his children until the day he dies. All I can wonder is how can someone look at their child acting like this and not feel responsible for the way they've turned out? Not SEE all the mistakes made that caused them to be this way? Personally, I don't get it. Maybe dh isn't so clueless, maybe he just can't deal with the reality.