Most Recent Drama...Advice Please
So the SK's went back to BM's after school yesterday. We get an email from BM last night saying that she asked the kids if they rode the bus from our house to school yesterday and they told her no so she asked if they walked. They again told her no so she asked how they did get to school and they told her that my bio-daughter arranged for them to get a ride to school with a friend that only has their school permit. This, of course, made BM concerned about their safety riding with a teenage driver....totally understandable.
We replied to her thanking her for telling us what happened and told her that my bio-daughter would be getting a serious consquence for allowing that to happen. This was her response this morning:
I hope you both know I did not tell you about what happened for anyone to get in trouble. I was concerned for our children's safety and wasn't sure if you were aware what happened. I hope our girls do not get in trouble for telling me about it. I want them to know they can tell BOTH of us things that happen and know they won't be punished if they didn't do anything wrong. They both were worried about getting into trouble for telling me. I strongly believe neither one of them had any intentions of telling you!
How the hell do you respond to this????
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Comments
DON'T! e-mailing back and
DON'T! e-mailing back and forth just adds fuel to the drama fire! things get taken out of context, read in a tone that was not meant etc. If you feel that you must repsond to her, then make it short and simple.. something like "no worries" and be done with it!
I agree with DaizyDuke, it's
I agree with DaizyDuke, it's just easier that way. No worries.
Just reply that you will
Just reply that you will handle the punishment with your BD. THat you will not bring the SK's into it. If my son did that with one of his friends, he would be grounded for at least a month. I agree with her that you should not take this lightly. How the hell did this kid drive to school with just a learner's permit? Where are her parents? I hope you are talking with them.
Rules are there for a reason.
I disagree. I think I would
I disagree. I think I would reply back and thank her for the information and reinforce the need for the SDs to be able to talk to both sides and not fear repercussions. I don't think I'd go into much more about it, but i do think acknowledgement would be the best response rather than ignoring. And when the SD's get to the house, I think a family meeting would be in order to discuss the situation and why it was wrong and also to reinforce that telling the truth is expected and they should not fear getting in trouble if they know what is going on is wrong. You're BD may be upset about getting in trouble, but this too shall pass.
I agree with Jsmom....she
I agree with Jsmom....she sounds legitimately worried about repercussions for the SKs. I would let her know that you are handling things and thanks for the heads up. Short, sweet and to-the-point. QED
I agree with you in terms of
I agree with you in terms of her concern and my daughter being punished for her wreckless behavior. What I dont like is the fact that she picks the girls for information about what goes on at our house and then says "I dont think they had any intention of telling you." It would be different if they told her because they were afraid to tell us but thats not the case.
SS's BM does the same thing.
SS's BM does the same thing. She interrogates him about his weekend and then starts yelling when she thinks something is wrong. When DH and BM/XW#2 were in the process of getting divorced, she told DH she still wanted to see SD for SS's sake, come to find out she would take SD to dinner alone and would interrogate her about what DH was doing, who he was with, etc. Mind you, SD was only with DH on every other weekend, so not much info she could provide, but once XW#1 found out, that ended VERY quickly.
I can't stand manipulative BM's...they are insane!!
Thats the only thing that
Thats the only thing that bothers me about this whole situation. If she was more concerned about the safety of the kids than starting a fight she would have no reason to pull that crap.
She is well within her rights
She is well within her rights to be mad. Your daughter screwed up. Don't discuss it with her. Handle it and the situation will be over. I do hope that you did punish her and called the parents of the other kid. They should know what went on.
No reason to discuss it further with the BM. Just tell her it is handled so that she knows you are doing the right thing when it comes to all of the kids.