Hurt, Pissed Off, Disgusted...Yep, That About Covers It!

My bio-daughter babysat the SK's today as there was no school and DH and I both had to work. She had trouble with them arguing all day long (pretty typical with the SK's) so she called me at work to talk to me about it. When I talked to DH at lunch I mentioned the issue and he said we would discuss it when we got home.

Upon getting home DH pulled my BD into the other room to ask her what happened. She explained to him that she had trouble with them fighting all day long and had to ground them to their rooms. He asked her why she didnt call him about the trouble instead of calling me. She said she didnt know. He then proceeded to tell my daughter that she is not to call me when there are problems with his kids because I am a "THIRD PARTY" and he needs to be contacted directly!!!!

I am soooooo pissed off and hurt that he would, not only say this to my daughter, but actually treat me like I am a "third party" in my own home! He has treated me this way quite a bit when it comes to his kids but to actually hear him admit to that being how he thinks of me REALLY hurts! I think this may be the last straw.

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Wow. I'm sorry he feels that

Wow. I'm sorry he feels that way. I would be livid.

That is what daughters do

That is what daughters do when they don't know what else to do. Call their mothers. Thats the natural thing kids do when they need help with something. Maybe hubby should have spoke with you first before he said anything to your daughter. She didn't mean any ill intend I'm sure. Maybe he don't see it that way. Sorry you are going through this.

^ ^ ^ THIS! ^ ^ ^

She doesnt call him because

She doesnt call him because she knows he wont do anything about it. She was telling me just to get it off her chest. He made the comment about me being a third party with me standing there. Then when I said "I cant believe you just said that" he replied, "Yeah, whatever. You can be pissed off at me and not speak to me for days later but right now Im talking to -insert name-.

I complain about the fact

I complain about the fact that he doesnt discipline his kids but insists that my daughter be punished to the fullest extent if she even farts and it smells wrong. I didnt bust his a** at lunch just said that I wanted to give him a heads up that BD was having trouble with the kids and that we would need to make time to deal with it when we got home. He didnt ask what the trouble was so I didnt tell him. Like I said before, he always treats me like I dont need to be involved with the SK's EXCEPT for when he wants me to run them all over hell, Ive just never heard him be so blunt about "my place in the family".

Those are all good questions and I thank you for trying to help make some since out of all this but I think he is just a hypocritical a**hole. Bottom line.

Cx

Thanks mississippi. That is

Thanks mississippi. That is exactly how I am feeling right now except, for some reason, Im the one sleeping on the couch!

I'm sleeping on couch too!

I'm sleeping on couch too! not that fh would know. We have a huge king size bed and I sleep up along one side of it.

Get him a dictionary! He apparently needs one.

Sweet dreams!

Really horrible to say that

Really horrible to say that out loud and to your daughter! He should realize you are the other adult in the house providing care to his children therefore a caregiver! Not to mention all the other important roles you hold. In his mind, what exactly is a third party?

So is he deflecting the attention away from the core issue -- his kids fighting. Men they are such great avoiders of things.

In his mind they are HIS kids

In his mind they are HIS kids and HIS kids only and ALL issues should be addressed to HIM and by involving ME, the THIRD PARTY, my daughter is doing something wrong, as always. Have to take the spotlight off of his angels! What a D*CK!!!

I know it! I am dealing witha

I know it! I am dealing witha similar situation. Guess its better to ignore the real issue than to admit you have f'ed up kids that fight all the time. My skids fight relentlessly all day. It gotten to the point that it needs intervention but none of the "parents" will take action. So guess who will -- yep, me. Why? Because if somethings happens we are all going to jail, because the abuse has been witnessed by me, my fh, and bm...but no one wants to admit there's a problem. Me, I'm reporting it to dfc tomorrow with or without fh because I see a sinking ship and I refuse to be on it.

I have also learned that it's not worth talking about things that they refuse to see. You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

I think this is a little

I think this is a little harsh. I'm sure she said something.

Thanks for defending me,

Thanks for defending me, peaceofmind. I DID NOT say anything else to him in front on my daughter because I WILL NOT stoop to his level and insult my partner in front of my kids regardless of how he acts. I let him have it later and then I spoke with my daughter in private about it.

As far as sueu2's comments about me setting a "poor example"...Opinions are like a**holes, everybody has one.

Follow the bouncing ball

Follow the bouncing ball sueu2. She's upset about the "third party" comment.

She may or may not have given her daughter the best example, but NORMALLY most people who post their issues here are looking for SUPPORT - not a "WTF is wrong with you response." We can get that at home!

I suggest you "third party"

I suggest you "third party" his children's dinner, laundry, chauffer service, childcare, and everything else you are responsible for.

Third party.

I'd third party him!

^^^THIS^^^ Love it!

^^^THIS^^^

Love it!

i guess since you are only a

i guess since you are only a "third party", dh can hire a babysitter next time or drop the skids off at day care.

that sucks, that he said that. ((hugs))

Next time...make sure your

Next time...make sure your daughter has something fun to do...it surely could not have been fun for her to have to babysit two arguing brats all day! Anyhow...make sure she has something fun to do or somewhere else she can go and let DH figure out what to do with his kids. If he can't appreciate your daughter trying to help out, then he doesn't need to have her help. Shame on him!

Oh my goodness; that's a low

Oh my goodness; that's a low blow!! Well maybe she shouldn't babysit anymore. I can't believe he would say your the third party!! Tough one

I think all hell would have

I think all hell would have broken loose at my house if DH said something like this to my daughter. But, I know that sometimes we get taken my surprise and don’t voice what we really feel at that exact moment.

IMHO…I would tell DH to NEVER talk to my child or me, like that again. And since you are 3rd party, then your kid is yours to take care of and discipline and his kids are his to take care of and discipline. And since your child can’t handle his little angels, then he will have to find another baby sitter.

I rarely advocate divorce, but this is almost getting to be an abusive situation for you and your child. I would say that he gets counseling or see ya later alligator.