For the most part my emotions have been on a pretty even keel (well, they have for the past 5 or 6 weeks anyways), but when they start getting out of whack, let me tell you...it's a doozy.

Today I found myself getting unbelievably angry. It started when I checked my bank account online. "Our" income tax return was finally deposited into my savings account....minus $400. I can only assume that that WHORE of a BM is getting my hard earned money because of DH's arrears, even though I filed Injured Spouse AND DH did not contribute ANYTHING to the household income last year. Not one dime. He has been out of work for a long time. Stupid Government and Stupid whore BM for getting my money that I was going to spend on MY baby. Argh.

Then it gets me thinking about my in-laws and how they've been acting. By and large they've been great. Not seeming overly excited about the baby, but ya know, concerned and that garbage. BUT, at least once a week now I get "oh, SD5 used to do this." or "this was SD5's favorite rhyme" or whatever random thing about MY baby made them think of my SD. I find myself getting really jealous. Is my baby always going to be a catalyst for them to remember something about SD? It would be one thing if they actually talked to SD or made any effort to have contact with her, but they don't. My MIL saw SD5 this past X-mas time because of a trip I ARRANGED. If I hadn't arranged it, it would be, ooooh, almost 4 years since she last saw her. And maybe a year or year and a half since she'd actually talked to her. She only called her last fall because I called MIL and told her that SD was in the hospital with pneumonia. And she hasn't spoken to her since then! Not even on her fucking birthday!

And then, the to top it all off, my DH gave my FIL our new home number. I HATE HATE HATE my FIL (MIL and FIL are divorced. Have been forever because FIL is a POS). FIL is a lying manipultative sack of shit. He spent the majority of DH's life in and out of prison because of drug abuse and beating up women when he was doing drugs. That is why MIL divorced him. Because he beat her. He doesn't do drugs anymore (well, smokes pot and drinks constantly), but not the Meth, which was his drug of choice. This man is scary and has a scary temper. I am a naturally outspoken person, but have to keep my mouth zipped when around him, because you never know what will set him off and how he will react. To top it all off, this POS drinks in front of my husband. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He did really well for a while then fell off the wagon and is more or less back to stage one, struggling on a day to day basis to stay sober. FIL will come over to MY house and bring beer with him, and proceed to drink in front of my husband. FIL and DH used to work together and they car pooled. FIL, everyday after work, would immediately stop at the nearest liqour store, buy himself a 24oz beer and proceed to drink it while DRIVING HOME!...with my husband sitting in the seat next to him. Argh...I hate him! DH and I had agreed that this man was not a good person to be in our lives, and definitely not in the life of our unborn child...but he gave him our new number!

Thanks for letting me vent. DH (and his neck }:) ) will probably be appreciative when I get home from work this evening.