Can I contact BM directly? Advice? Suggestions
BM was at the courthouse today about the divorce to my SO which she has drug her feet on for several years. While she was there she was chatting with another worthless POS who told her she heard that I was an alcoholic and if she was her she wouldn't let SD8 be around me. Well of course BM started a texting storm on my SO phone. I can see all of his incoming and outgoing text messages. She was saying this about me even though I raise her little brat 50% of the time while her son who is 11 and born while she was married to my SO was found out not to be his and she doesn't let him see him now is sitting at home and also her 1 month old baby also born while married to my SO but has another daddy. So she is pointing fingers at me questioning my character while she has had 3 kids while married to my SO and only 1 is his! All he replied was, that is completely untrue (which it is such BS, if we have a drink with dinner that's it). That is all he said, that's not true. He didn't really say anything else and I feel like he should have stuck up for me a little more here. I mean I have to be stuck with that brat 50% of the time and act like the real parent while he plays disney dad and still get talked shit about by her nasty whore mother. Now although BM was so concerned about skid being at my house, she didn't ask that he bring her back to her house, she then has the nerve to bring up the son who was found out not to be his biologically and says that the boy misses him and maybe we could start taking him on some weekends!!!!!!!!! WTF BITCH! I let SO and SD8 move in with ME, that is my house, and I'm not sure WTF she thinks she is doing? I'm not babysitting her son from some random dude so she can get some alone time with this new baby and her thug life boyfriend.
Ok so that was a lot of ranting. Anyways, here is my question. Since I feel like my SO really did nothing in my defense, should I contact BM myself and let her know if she has anything to say to address it with me and if she doesn't think her child is safe to come get her stupid ass ASAP?
I understand you are feeling
I understand you are feeling frustrated, and while it would have been nice for your SO to "stick up for you more" take a minute to think about what that would have accomplished . . . Nothing.
It isn't like anything he says will make BM change her mind about you. Saying more than what he did would have feed into her craziness. Sure, he could say you're not an alcoholic, but if she wants to believe this about you, nothing he says will change her mind.
And no, you should not contact her yourself. If she is stupid enough to believe that you're an alcoholic and yet let you continue caring for her child, anything you say will not have any effect on her, except to make her more mad and determined to make life miserable for you. Ya'll are going to get into a shouting match or texting war that is only going to stress you out even more.
If you are feeling resentful for taking care of your SO's brat (your words, not mine) then you should address that with your SO.
And you should not be babysitting your SO's BM's son. If SO wants to spend time with the boy he needs to do so and not require you to babysit the boy for him. Really, you shouldn't be caring for his daughter either, but that's a post for another day.
I do feel very resentful and
I do feel very resentful and she is a brat. The thought of him bringing another one of BM's kids into my house makes me feel sick. I know he raised the boy for years because she told him that he was his but then she took him away when she found out he wasn't. That was before I was really involved and so I have no feelings one way or another for this boy. Although I do feel sorry for him simply because of who his mother is.
Maybe I'm just being childish because I wished he had done more and put her in her place about it. It's just a very ugly thing to accuse someone who takes care of your child 50% of the time.
It hurts because you know it
It hurts because you know it isn't true. The knee jerk reaction is to want to "get back" at the person who has hurt you. But most of the time, the person who acts like this lacks mental maturity and intelligence.
Whenever you get frustrated about this, remind yourself that she is just not smart enough to comprehend anything you would say in response to these accusations.
I kind of take it the
I kind of take it the opposite way actually - that he stood up for you by acting like the accusations were so stupid he wasn't even going to justify them by spending lots of time on them. Honestly if the BM in our family sent FDH that txt / email he would just ignore it and not even give it the time of day.
Don't reach out to her - don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know she got to you - it's precisely because her character is so poor that she is looking for ways to bring you down. I'd say don't even give her the attention, which will be a reward of types for her ridiculous behavior.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it sucks. Maybe talk to your partner and tell him you want to hear some reassurance that he is on your side and you are on the same team, and you can get the same good feeling of him sticking up for you, without him justifying the BM's crazy story with a long response.
Absolutely not. Anyone
Absolutely not. Anyone listening to her that knows you knows better. Those that don't know you have to effect on your life so their opinion doesn't matter. His best option was to minimize the irrelevant conflict with her and in fact I would not have responded at all to her idiocy.
In any event you never never have contact with her. It'll only result in conflict and increased tensions for everyone while giving her more opportunities for drama.
She is just so manipulative
She is just so manipulative and I have got to quit letting her get to me.
I wouldn't give her the time
I wouldn't give her the time of day.
As for your SO's response, I really don't see anything wrong with it. He was straight and to the point. Going on and on just makes it sound like there's an underlying reason you need to be defended.
I do get your frustration, it's not worth it to contact BM.
Thank you for putting this
Thank you for putting this more into perspective for me and showing me another view of how it could be. I have good confidence and I know I'm a smart woman but for some reason when BM talks about me I turn back into that fat 9th grader with braces?? I don't know why I allow her to do that to me. I know she is total trash and that what I've made of my life far outweighs anything she will ever do. I know I take excellent care of SD8 when she is with us and no one could say anything different. I still want to slap the taste out of BM's mouth but you are all right and I will try to let it just fall into the box of all the other mean ignorant things she has said and done.
This is a great way to look
This is a great way to look at it. I have obsessed over this for days and it has made me feel physically sick because I know I'm a good person and she's not. I've got to just get to the point you are at where I can laugh and brush it off. Thanks for the good advice
That was a fabulous response.
That was a fabulous response.
I would've laughed overly,
I would've laughed overly, obviously, obnoxiously in her face at the courthouse as she's flooding SO's phone. The best revenge, imo, is letting her think her dumb shit doesn't rattle you a bit...in fact, its entertainment at her expense.
SO says he would like to see
SO says he would like to see the boy and spend some time with him but he didn't come right out and ask could he spend the night at my house. Which the answer is no. I feel like I already deal with enough stress when SD8 is there and trying to help form her into a sweet loving child vs. the dirty wild thing that shows up every other Sunday. I can't handle another one that honestly doesn't even belong to him. I know that's harsh but that is how I feel. I feel bad for the kid but he is not my responsibility, he has a biological father that BM can contact and we know he calls her Thug Life boyfriend Daddy now too.
I totally get what your
I totally get what your feeling and why men dont protect what the have and allow their ex to say what ever they feel...and years of our drama ive co e to realize his ex will never grow up and continue to be the drama in our lifes...but I feel they only do this to cause problems between you n your SO...as hard as it dont approach or call her...this is what she wants to see that she has suceeded and created dram...
As hard as I feel like punching my SO ex...Ive come to realize that I will never respect her and never befriend her but ever ever will I allow her to see that she has effected my life...
Over the last week I have
Over the last week I have tried not to mention her AT ALL, not her name, nothing in regards to any of her stupid stunts, nothing. By acting like she isn't an issue and not allowing her to upset me I have felt a little better. Of course that is until the next time she does something and upsets the apple cart!