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Another day in paradise!

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 4:46am

SD's first full day visit was an emotional roller coaster for me. H can't understand why this is all so hard for me. I don't blame him for that, I can barely comprehend it myself. He tried so hard to just do what he does and let me move at my own pace (snail). I know he's trying but they way he does it put a ton more pressure on me.

To keep from locking myself in my room all day I baked in the kitchen. No, really, I baked all day. Muffins, 3 batches of cookies, and a cake. H would pass through and come up behind me and hug me and say "I'm just trying to keep everyting normal, so I'm here like I would normally be, hugging you." Little things like that for most of the day. I just felt more pressure to make it all work and I'm already putting so much onmyself without any help. We ended up fighting about that for a while but I managed to explain it so he could see what I meant.

He asked if I wanted to spend some time together after he got SD in bed, I said yeah. So, 10pm rolls around and she's still up. We usually stay up much later but I was emotionally and physically drained by that point. I said to H at 10 that I was exhausted. He gave me a hug and a kiss. How nice...then he made popcorn and went into the livingroom and put on a movie for him and SD. I was pissed. At almost 11 I gave up and made something to eat quick before bed, I just couldn't wait for him anylonger. At a little after 11 he finally takes her upstairs for bed and spends half an hour getting her to sleep.

By the time he was done, I had eaten, cleaned up, brushed my teeth and was in bed for 20 minutes. He just couldn't understand why I was so upset. He actually said to me "your kids stay up late all the time". Yeah they do but I don't spend my entire day entertaining and catering to them so H gets a lot of my attention during the day but if I had made plans to spend time with H then they would have been in bed earlier. Obviously. He said he didn't know I was waiting on him. I said that I had told him an hour and a half earlier that I was exhausted and instead of putting your kid to bed then (already 10p) you sat down to watch a movie with her.

More I'm sorry's and I didn't knows...is he really that dense? Should I get him measured for his very own special helmet? Went to bed mad, tossed and turned. Finally got a few hours sleep but that only makes about 6 in the past 2 nights.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. Yipee!

Comments

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 10:04am

Plus, if I get him fattened up it will be more difficult for him to run around tending to the princess all day...he'll still tend to her but SHE will have to go to HIM. Biggrin

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 9:45am

Of course I'm on high alert but I don't think it was unreasonable to expect that he follow through on his word. Why even say we were going to spend the evening together when he clearly had no intentions of doing so. We were getting along better and the mood was light for the last few hours of the evening. I think he interpreted that as us no longer needing the time.

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 8:26am

Sorry ladies, I don't agree with you. The SD is FIVE years old. Daddy has showered her with attention all day. 10 pm is not an unreasonable time to expect a FIVE year old to be in bed. He had plenty of time to cuddle with her/watch a movie etc. before 10 o'clock.

I do feel that you should make some couple time every day, regardless of whether or not you have the skids. The relationship doesn't go on hold just because they are there.

Just my two cents worth.

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 9:59am

It's not about my opinion of her bedtime, that really wasn't the point. He made plans with me and then blew me off.

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 9:46am

Thank you! She had him all day, he promised me the evening. I really don't think I'm getting upset over nothing here.

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 9:57am

I agree and it really wasn't the time that she was up it was that he had promised me some much needed quality time with him after a particularly difficult day. He blew me off and let me down and left me feeling completey unimportant. I guess I'm just still learning my place around here. :?

I'm starting to understand why my mom was drunk all the time while I was growing up. It's starting to seem like a wise choice Biggrin

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 9:50am

Oh I have disengaged and only respond to a direct question at this point. He will fetch for her all day and night and I swear to you, he will cherish every moment of it. I wasn't trying to take her time but don't I at least get a little of the leftovers lol.

I did read Stepmonster just last week. So many people on here have reccommended it. It definately made me feel a lot better about what is and isn't normal. I'm still not normal but at least I now feel ok about that lol

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 9:20am

A five year old needs to go to bed at least by 10 in the summer. DH sounds dense. But, OP sounds highly stressed and sensitive. If he doesn't get it you need to spell it out slowly. If not, learn to spend a lot of time alone when SD is there. I spend a lot of time in my room when my SS is here. It works for me. I get to watch what I want and read. I usually make some nice dinner and then clear out. My BS15 doesn't watch but maybe one or two shows with me and we do that together when SS is not here on the off week. It just became easier for me. It started when SD14 was so controlling of her Dad's attention that I got tired of watching it and just learned to either work in my office or hibernate in my room. Now, I look forward to being alone. We have 50/50 so it keeps my sanity. Find something to keep yourself happy.

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 9:53am

I'm perfectly happy hiding out and staying away from them during the visits but H is just torn up over how his "one big happy family" dream isn't what he thought it would be. So I have been reading and blogging and taking small steps to try and make it work. Feels like every babystep forward I take, I slide back 5.

quippers01's picture

Submitted by quippers01 on Wed, 08/25/2010 - 10:16am

Thanks for the link! I think I'll leave the page open for H to read. He said he wanted to read Stepmonster too. If he does that I will be highly impressed.