Sad for Skids... annoyed for self. Frustrated with BF
My SO and her ex have a 50/50 custody arrangement, the BF seems to be taking less and less of an intrest in the kids, granted he has been working out of town and not always home on the weekends. This weekend he is in town and my SO had talked with him about bringing the kids to him Friday (tonight) and getting them back Sunday afternoon. The boys, SS4 and SS5, were so excited about seeing Daddy, it had been about 20 days since they had seen him. I know they miss him and love him and they are little boys and they need their dad. I was also excited about a weekend break to clean the house and just hang out with my SO. So this morning he calls and says that he is pretty busy and would like to just see them for a couple of hours. My SO puts her foot down (kinda) and says, "These boys super miss you, you need to have them for at least 24 hours." He reluctantly agreed to take them overnight on Friday. I get so angry with him because he doesn't see how sad the kids are when they miss him. Even a phone call would help. I also can't pretend that I don't get angry because it messes my schedule up. My SO tells me that she can't make him parent, that she never could but I just wished there was a way to make him step up. That is just me trying to control the situation though, probably my biggest problem with this step-parenting role. I love to control everything.
I know my situation is not nearly as bad as other peoples, I just get so frustrated and needed to vent.
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If they have 50/50 he needs
If they have 50/50 he needs to either step up with the kids or start forking over some (more) CS.
He is court ordered to pay
He is court ordered to pay child support but doesn't pay any, our fincial situation is quite a bit better than his and it is not my SO first priority and as she pays all of the bills for the kids I keep my mouth shut on that. Though I do believe he should at least pay something even if it was 25 bucks a week. My SO felt like it is more important for him to get established (he has had some legal and finacial issues in the past) so that he could provide a stable home for the boys.
Obivously this father does
Obivously this father does not want to be involved on a regular basis, so if that is the case you can get more involved and give those very young children all the love, affection and attention you can. At that age hey they miss their father, but they need more love than anything. You and bm can give that to them unconditionally! Also, I wouldn't mention the biodad patenting time to them until he totally is 100% confirmed, there's no need to disappoint. They may feel like will he doesn't care, no one cares...their emotions are like fragile little flowers that need to be handled carefully. I don't mention things to my skids unless I know it's going to happen. Otherwise I consider it a broken promise and a total disappointment to them.
Good point about not
Good point about not mentioning it. I think we learned that lesson. I do feel very involved and love them unconditionally. I play with them, I have been taking them fishing and teaching them to ride their bikes without training wheels, I guess my heart breaks for them a little. My dad died when I was 5 and I know how much I missed him.
Kids emotions are fragile
Kids emotions are fragile little flowers ??? First , you should not promise anything unless you know it is going to happen.Second, maybe their dad really wants to , but, their might be something that is beyond his control. Third, they are a product of divorce, life is not always a fairytale. There are dissappointments in life.
Life isn't a fairytale for
Life isn't a fairytale for anyone... but when dad calls and says " Can't wait to spend the weekend with you guys" on Tuesday that seems like a promise to a 4 and 5 year old who thinks their dad is a superhero. I am not saying that their dad doesn't want them I just don't think he understands how much his actions hurt them.
I'm sorry to learn about your
I'm sorry to learn about your loss at such a young age. It's very common to feel sad concerning these children of broken families. However, I've learned to use my emotions, whether sad, angry, disappointment, to good use. My SDs are often confused about things because of information they are given that they really shouldn't know (by their BM) and I have learned to just listen, then talk to them about their feelings not necessarily about the topic, but their feelings. They have so many feelings, especially their feeling of abandonment, sadness, and constant disappointment. I have learned that less is more meaning less worrying about the other parent and more love and understanding.
At the age your boys are they won't know it's 22 days or 5 days that they haven't seen their dad. You are there now give them all you got. You can't change their dad or force him to see them, but as you are already doing give them all you got to share.
Thanks Zen, I do feel sad and
Thanks Zen, I do feel sad and all I can do is love them, I admit to feeling a little selfish to as I was looking forward to weekend break from parenting. My Grandma passed away yesterday and so maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed and extra sad. I just wish their dad would see their little faces when they ask "when do we see daddy?"
I don't agree. I love to
I don't agree. I love to control everything ? He needs to step up ? Sounds like my ex. My relationshop with my kids is none of her business. Since when do parents decide what, where , and when the other parent has to do with their own kids ? You are divorced ,period. If he does not want to do what YOU want, then that is his life. Kids bounce back. Of course he loves them and they love him. They are part of a divorce. They loose all around because of the divorce. I know it is sad, but giving orders to your ex will not help anyone.
I acknowledge my need to
I acknowledge my need to control everything is wrong, I try to realize it so it doesn't become part of my actions. If you choose to be a parent you do have responsibilty and if you don't meet that responsibilty people will tend to get frustrated with you...The kids will bounce back until they are 13 or 14 and then they will say F*&k you Dad.
Furthermore he isn't my ex, and I am sad for the kids and I will admit it, I would like a break for a weekend.
Why are some people on this
Why are some people on this site so rude and righteous! Seriously...why? Some people sound so bitter and post like they are trying to impose their point of view based on "their life" experience on posters! Instead of "just" offering advise that is neutral and allowing a poster to actually make their own conclusion. This poster is "sad" because of his SO ex (male) disappointing the kids (again)! He doesn't want to start a battle he wants to know how to deal with it vent! Damn! Take a chill pill and some vino and then post!!!