I can't really reply, as I was never a step child, but I am very interested in reading any replies. I'm glad you posted!

OMG, My stepparents are more than willing to share, lol. We are close but that happened way before I took the stepparent route. And in all honesty, they were dealing with different normal kid issues. I hope your Stepdad will open up, it does help you to look at things differently.

In terms of my SM, yes. We never hated each other, we had some good times and some bad times but overall we just never clicked and often just didn't speak. -shrug-

Becoming an adult has made it easier, but I think I have a little more understanding of when and why she was standoffish sometimes. It isn't my approach, but I can understand it.

We still aren't best friends, but we get along much better and feel a lot more comfortable speaking now that I'm older (for her) and I understand her more (for myself).

My SF, on the other hand, I've actually come to respect less and less the older I've gotten. I used to think he was fun and hilarious, but now I see him as a HUGE guilt parent-er (my step-sisters are beyond babied - they are aged 24, 21 and 17, the 21YO in general is very bratty, obnoxious, lazy and often interferes and manipulates her father and my mother's relationship, never lifts a finger around the house and SF acts like he doesn't notice, if my mother brings it up he says he'll mention it to them but doesn't OR he'll say he saw them do it even though it's BS, etc. and, among a thousand other things, is still paying child support to his ex-wife for all three daughters, even though the older two are 21 and 24, and the 24 year old hasn't lived at home in over a year. I'm sure y'all get the idea) and so I think understanding stepparenting a little more and especially reading what some of you guys struggle with, I think he could be doing significantly more to not alienate my mother so much.

I had a slightly different situation than you in that I became a step daughter at 21 when my father had an affair and married that woman. It took about a year of them being together before he introduced his new wife to me and my siblings. It was very awkward and strange, but everything went well. We liked her and could tell my dad really loved her -- plus they did more things together than my mom would ever do with my dad. Eventually we have been able to see that they are a better fit than our bio parents ever were.

However, my dad has had a terrible time becoming a stepfather to HER sons. They are exactly the same ages as me and my siblings, yet they never visit and will barely say "Hi" to my dad. One of her sons is even renting a house from them, and he still can't come around. It's sad and very immature. I think it helped my side of the family to see how prejudiced they were against my own dad...and made us realize we couldn't really hold any grudges against my dad's new wife.

Now, being a step mom myself has definitely changed my perception of the whole situation that went on between my parents. I can see how nervous my mom and stepmom were at my sister's wedding -- the first time they were ever to meet! I feel like I have a lot better insight into the biological mom side AND the step mom side of things.