How do you introduce the skids?
Forums:
I posted this question in the thread of another post, but thought I'd try for a wider audience: How do you introduce the skids to people?
I have been saying, "These are my skids, x and y." But now I'm expecting a baby of my own, and I don't want to draw such a distinction between them: "This is my daughter/son, and these are my stepchildren."
I suppose I could just say, "These are my kids," but I'm afraid they might correct me, or that saying that might put them in the position of feeling they're betraying their BM. Any thoughts? We are very close, but I'm not sure I want to discuss this with them -- they're 8 and 10.
Do what you're comfortable with
I have 2 SD 9 and 7 and 2 BD 5 and 4. When talking about "the girls", I make no distinction between them- they are all my daughters and I think that my Sd's appreciate the fact that there are no differences. We haven't talked about it but I know how it feels to be called out as a "step" personally and I'm sure it feels much better for them just to be called my kids, because they are!
They will correct the situation in front of other people. (i.e. "Those are my "step" sisters" or "she is my step mom") And I think to some degree they are trying to protect their mother. I've told them both they can call me or refer to me in any way they like (my first name, mama, Mama M, etc) But thats a choice they get to make. We have talked about this because BM told them that SHE wasn't comfortable with them calling me Mom- but they seem to be finding what THEY are comfortable with, and that's all I care about.
If it were me I would talk to them.
Find out what they are comfortable with and then you find out what you are comfortable with. I think including them will make them feel part of it and also put them at a level were they are comfortable..
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
calling the skids yours
I had a very interesting conversation last year with my step daughter. We were in California for a wedding and I was referring to my skids as my kids. Later, while my SD and I were driving to get photo's, she asked me why I said they were mine. At first I said it was just easier than to explain the whole step thing. She acknowledged that to be true in her eyes too. Then I said that if I thought of her more as my own, maybe I'd treat her better. It just came out without thinking. Her response to me was if she thought of me as a Mom to her she would treat me better too. We both sat silently. But the wisdom in those words is really powerful. So every time I slip, which is often, I remember what she said and how our relationship can be as good as we want it to be. And yes, I have been corrected in front of people but it doesn't really matter. I smile and receive a kind nod in response.
I agree say whatever you
I agree say whatever you feel comfortable with. I introduce Jacob as "our son" or "my son." He corrects other people that say "ask mommy ...." and he'll just say "she's not my mommy. She's like a mommy. She's my bonus mommy." I was showing a house one time and the other realtor said "he calls you Trina." I said "yes, he is my step-son, but to me he is just my son, there is no difference."
Let the kids correct you, then casually explain to the adults that you love your SKs no differntly. Most adults will understand.
~ Katrina
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These are my kids....
I introduce all 4 of our kids (two step and two bio) as our kids... If anyone inquires further then I point out that 2 are bio and 2 are step... but they are all 'our' kids.