It's over
I ended things with FH on Friday.
I am so so so sad and heartbroken. I miss his smile, miss being happy with him, miss his hands, miss so much.
He told me on Thursday that he didn't want to deal with problems or have any conflict in his life- and changing his household, reconfiguring his relationship with his son so that I was his partner, and establishing different boundaries with his ex-wife, all of these things created conflict. And that, b/c of this, he viewed me as the problem, b/c he wants no conflict in his life.
And then he just sat there, stone-faced. And I think just waiting until I gave him his grandmother's ring back (he has a little bag in his desk drawer with two other engagement rings in it from his previous attempts).
I want to say thank you to everyone on this site who has offered insight, perspective, feedback, and encouragement. I don't think I will be on the site much anymore.
I feel like a failure in some senses. I feel lost, a bit. I am heartbroken.
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You're not a failure. This
You're not a failure. This man may have just done you a favor in disguise.
He can't deal with conflict and just wants you to go along with everything he says and does. I'm sorry, but that's not a real relationship.
Give yourself time to grieve, and then, try to remember all of the things about him that brought you to this site. Re-read some of your past blogs. You do NOT deserve to be treated this way.
Yes, it hurts. But it might just be the best thing for you.
Hugs...
you are not the failure. once
you are not the failure.
once your sorrow passes, you will find a man whose smile and companionship you enjoy...and that man will not continually blame you for his life's faults.
you are so much better off without this jerk.
Marriage is about a
Marriage is about a partnership and compromise and bringing two households together. My exFH's inability to see this is what ended our relationship. I have since met a man who told me this morning that raising children is a team sport and it has to be. This is something I completely agree with. You deserve to be a partner and met halfway. Sometimes that halfway is a long distance, depending on the baggage we carry. If your ex isn't willing to meet you halfway and respect you and your life together, then he isn't either ready for someone to be in an adult relationship or he doesn't deserve you.
steppingsf I am so, so
steppingsf I am so, so sorry!! You are not a failure. You have always tried to do the right thing - and I think you've always been very hard on yourself in the past - in dealing with DH & SS and all that that comes with.
You deserve to be happy. We are all here for you and we feel your pain with you.
Stay in touch.
P.S. What's with the little bag of 2 prior engagement rings? Sorry, I'm confused. You mean from 2 other women in his past?
Yup...he has been engaged 2
Yup...he has been engaged 2 other times since leaving his marriage 7 years ago, and also had a pregnancy with one woman. She ended up not keeping the baby.
One day you will be looking
One day you will be looking back at this and thank God that it happened as it did. Can you imagine doing this 14 years and 2 kids later? That's what I am facing now.
I know it hurts but now you are free. Free to find a man who loves and cares for you and is willing and able to enter into a fair relationship. My thoughts are with you!
He's the failure you aren't.
He's the failure you aren't. Keep you chin up you did nothing wrong.
I feel like I need some of
I feel like I need some of your strength to do the same thing with my FDH. I envy you in a way.
oh! today I feel so sad and
oh! today I feel so sad and lost and heartbroken....but I will support you in making the ultimately best and most healthy decision for yourself if you would like any!
I don't always feel so strong- at least not today. It is hard to be strong, sometimes, but I have many people around me who remind me that I am.
I am always more than happy to tell you that you are. Even contemplating this decision should give you strength.
And the truth is, before I gave the ring back, I also cried and cried and told him that I didn't want our relationship to be over. And then, finally, I just gave it back and asked for 2 hours to pack clothes for the weekend. I'm going back tomorrow morning to get the rest of my things out of the apartment.
please let me know whatever support I might be able to offer you!
This man did you a favor.
This man did you a favor. YOU ARE NOT THE FAILURE!!! With 2 past attempts at engagement, apparently HE is. I know it hurts now, but it won't in the future. Think of how great you will feel without all of the drama. Good Luck with everything.
Sometimes when we're hurt, we
Sometimes when we're hurt, we don't have the capacity to see that the universe has moved to lead us to happiness down the road.
Some time ago, I was in a long-term relationship that I'd hoped would lead to marriage. We broke up a few times, but decided to get back together to try and work it out . . so I thought. Shortly thereafter my SO told me he was leaving me for a co-worker that he later married. I was devastated. A few months later, I met the wonderful man who is now my DH. My ex ended his marriage, and remarried . . only to have that one end as well. Today he's alone and bitter and I'm glad he's not my DH.
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but he did you a favor. Not dealing with conflict is indicative of being weak . .and you deserve a strong DH . . like yourself. You are not a failure he is.
Take time to get over him, put it in perspective, and then turn that love right back around and give it back to yourself, because you deserve nothing less.
I'm so sorry to hear this.
I'm so sorry to hear this. However, I think the 2 rings that he has from 'previous attempts' says alot. There will be conflict and he will have to adjust his life if he ever wants to be with anyone again. I predict his bag of rings will grow larger in the future. Truly sad.