Oh words hurt.....
The kids are here for the Summer now. The bf went and got them Thursday night but they weren't out of school until Friday. now that's another story. The mom keeping daughter9 home because she was arguing with friends and it was getting catty!!! So she keeps her home from school!!!!! Arghhhh!!!! **sigh** for another post..... So anyway, BF takes the kids to grandma's house Friday and they want to spend the night, so they do. We go pick them up today(Saturday) and I walk in the door and 30 seconds later the boy8 says to me,"I don't like you J" the BF jumps on him and says "that's not nice you don't talk to J like that way, now apologize" The boy8 does not apologize and says it again....BF gets on his case again but the boy still does not apologize..
It hurts and it's hard to take it because I do a lot for his kids and for the boy to say that sucks! I know he says it because I establish rules and boundaries and enforce them. It seems like the mother does not. Anyways, felt like sharing and getting some feedback. Has this ever happened to you and how did you deal with it?
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Yup it has happened to and
Yup it has happened to and it definitely hurts! And it was also around that age. Though it was not my stepson who said it, it was my sd and she said it to her dad not to me. But it still stung cause even though at the time they came EOW, my dh was very short of cash so i dished out alot for these kids in the earlier days. Until a few years ago.
They will never love you because you are not their mom. In my case i know their mother was poisioning them against us so it didn't surprise me cause she would say it on friday nights pick up times and then by the end of sunday she'ld be hugging me and saying she loves me.
She said it once again when she was 11 to my face, and that's when i said, well if you dont like me then i wont bother anymore. So i've dropped her. I dont buy presents, i dont her shopping, i dont do anything out of my way and she has seen it and regrets it now. Been 4 years like this but you know what, it has save my sanity. I know others may disagree...but honestly stepping back and just letting go and telling her father he has full responsibility in every way shape and form has released me from another burden in life.
I know being a stepparent is a thankless job. I don't do it to expect being thanked. BUt the day she said it to my face was the day i drew the line.
Listen the best advice i can give you, considering your ss age is to try and find out first if someone is poisoning him and if it all because you ahve rules...hang in there, they'll appreciate it later! Keep doing your reg routine and if he keeps saying it, do what i did, step back and do nothing for him. And dont be afraid to confront your ss about this. Look him square int eh face and tell him 'you dont like me, why? Tell me what have i dont to you?' and see what he says.
One thing as well, I've told my sd and ss that if you have nothing nice to say to anyone you keep your mouth BUTTONED!
Thanks, Angel. I have asked
Thanks, Angel. I have asked him why and he doesn't say anything. However, I haven't told him that if he didn't have anything nice to say nothing at.
Yes, it is a thankless job. But stepkids have to show and have respect. I don't think anyone is poisoning his thoughts because his sister9, doesn't say those kinds of things.
I have noticed that he started saying that when I started playing more of the disciplinarian because his fated was being rather lenient with them, and that doesn't sit well with me. There must be rules And boundaries, and consequences if either is violated. I guess just another hurdle to get over.
I am so glad I found this site! It's therapy without the cost. Thank you for the advice.
I totally agree! I never had
I totally agree! I never had an issue with my son. Sure the occasionally outburst ever so often but he was four. I always was complimented on how well behaved he was, and that's because he understand there would be consequences if he broke the rules.
I told the BF some time ago that his kids needed not just the rules and boundaries but that he needs to enforce them, which he wasn't consistent. Just a few months ago he admitted to me that he wasn't consistent with the kids while I am at work. Well no wonder I was the bad guy all the time!!!!! He assures me that won't happen anymore....we shall see.
It is sad that parents teach
It is sad that parents teach their children to hate. And sometimes the kids hate us because we represent that their parents will not be getting back together.
My SD18 has stated she hates me a least once a year for nine years. A few months ago she blurted that she has hated me since she was five years old... Well, there you have it... I met her when she nine... and I pointed that out to her. I said, you see, you have always hated me for what I represent... not for who I am. You never gave this relationship a chance.
Oh that is sad.... What was
Oh that is sad.... What was her response?
You know, it really wasn't
You know, it really wasn't sad; it was an "Ah Ha" moment. She said nothing, though she looked stunned that she actually said it. The conversation ended with me telling her that she can have what ever kind of relationship she wants with me. But a healthy one will be based on respect and honesty.
Kudos to you! That was a
Kudos to you! That was a great response!
I feel like saying stuff like
I feel like saying stuff like that sometimes but I bite my tongue. I have to tell myself , " there are no bad kids, just poor parenting", I'm sure there are exceptions. It is a tremendous strain on the relationship.
Yes I have been there. My
Yes I have been there. My SS5 told me that he hated being at my house. All I told him was thats to bad because I love having you here
He said well I dont want to be here. I said you dont have a choice. Hasnt said anything like that since. Sometimes you just have to kill them with kindness.
That is excellent advice!