It bugged me for the first 6 years or so, but then it just faded out. I realized she may have shared many firsts with him, but I will be his LAST. I will be the one to share the grandkids with him, to grow old, to sit on the front porch swing...

"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."

Yes it bothered me for a little while. I knew I had to get over it though. Yes, she gave birth to his first daughter. I gave birth to his daughter and his first son. Even though he already had a daughter, it was still very special for us because as a couple, it was our first. Even though he may have had a lot of "first's" with her, everything you two do as a couple from here on out will your firsts together-as a couple- Don't forget that. I know what you mean about the neat accssesory deal. My stepdaughters mother had her children and uses it as a status thing. In her little world where she lives being a stay at home mom(she refuses for work), being a soccer mom, having her kids in ballet all help her weird little status thing that shes going for. She loves to play the "oh poor me, single mom" crap and everyone seems to be falling for it. Anyway.... I know how you feel. I've been with my DH for 5 years and for the first three I wasn't sure if I was cut out for all of this. I'm still here, 5 years later. All you can do is just be there for the children from here on out-there are a lot more experiences to come for all of you

Make your own special memories.

~Never interrupt your enemy when she is making a mistake.~

~No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.~

It still bothers me. I don't know why. I hope it fades in time.

I am his first true love. She was never and I as his first true love gave him his first child born out of true love.

My therapist once told me that to he was basically her "sperm" donor.

I joined this site when I was engaged to someone who had no kids before we started dating. But, then six months before our wedding was supposed to happen, he told me he had just gotten the paternity results from the night he cheated on me. When we were trying to work through it, yes, that bothered me. But, I had concretely planned and dreamed of those stages with him.

I haven't thought about it much since he and I broke up. The final straw was when he said that I would never be able to handle not coming first. His kids would always come first. So, then I asked where our kids would fall in this pecking order he was establishing. He said he didn't want any more kids. I was crushed.

Now, more than a year later, as I am beginning a relationship with a new man, it does not bother me that he has a child. I think the difference for me is what is presented as the package deal in the beginning. I think possible future bf's (from here on known as pfbf) son is cute, funny, and a regular kid with the potential to turn into a butthead. They all have that potential, step or not, I think. Lord knows my God son is headed that way. The other difference between my exfh and pfbf is that pfbf would be sensitive to my feelings, hence he is toward my future and exfh couldn't deal with anything other than a smiling ana because the hole he dug himself was too deep. Pfbf doesn't strike me as the type to dig himself the hole in the first place.

When I had those feelings, though, I found it helpful to acknowledge them and acknowledge that I was entitled to my feelings. And, I also found it helpful to force myself to decide if it was something I could face, handle, and move on or not. Being realistic about that last part could be the hard part.

But, no matter what he did with her in the past, everything you do together will be your first together. It will not detract from how special your first, second, or sixth child may be anymore than his first date takes away from how special that memory is for you.

To every thing there is a season.