I just need to know
My SD is 10 years old. I met my Hubby when she was 2 yrs old. As a little girl growing up she stared to call me mommy and this made BM very upset. I think it was becuse my daughter calls hubby dad and she would hear this often. Well one day when she was 6 she came over to visit and said "I cant call you mommy anymore" I asked her why? She replied by say because my mom said you are not my mommy and that the only way I would be her mom was the day that she would die! SD mentioned she didnt want her mommy to die.( at the time I was a girl friend) I told her that it was ok for her to call me what ever was in her little heart. My SD has been throught so much. She has been caught in the middle because BM uses them to hurt dad. At 7 yrs old SD wrote a letter saying she was going to run away from home, (we never saw that letter)She has told BM that she wants to kill her self so she had to talk to a Psychologist. It was going well for her untill the my SD mentioned to me that she couldnt talk to the dr. about important issuse cuz the dr. would tell her mom and her mom would get upset with her. I'm sure SD would vent about me too. Since BM would tell her not to listen to my house rules! We hjave had our up's and down's but we never heard SD talk about killing her self or running away, even when we sat down to talk to her. I am very worried because she recently told the school counselor SHE WANTED TO END hER LIFE..... that know one understands her. She said she did want daddy to know because he would think different of her.
This really makes me sad. I dont know what to think. When she is with us at home, she seems to be okay she hangs out in her room alot watching t.v. texting, playing video game ect. We even have movie night on Sat night where we get to eat popcorn, pickles, sodas, flammin hotts nachos ect in the living room and we have so much fun! I know she enjoys this cuz every Sat afternoon she will ask us so what are we watching tonight? She is a little more to her self lately but I though cuz she is 10 and doesnt like playing dolls with SD8.
Have any of you been through this before!!!! I really need your advice. I want to be there for her but The more I'm in the pic. the more BM gets upset.Hubby has tried to talk with her but she wont say anything. She acts like everything is okay. She has caught her mom lying about thing that are not true. stuff about me! Like that I want daddy for myself, That I hate it when the kids come over. ect..
Please let me know what you think about this.
P.S. hope this makes sense I am at work and boss keeps coming in my office LOL
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I have been in my SD life
I have been in my SD life since she was 1, and there have been times where she called me mom. I always corrected her and told her to call me my name, because I KNEW BM would flip out and make everyone's life hell. I was repaid by BM telling SD to never mention my name, or even the word Stepmother when she was with her. Sometimes I wonder why I am the only one with the childs best interest at heart and her own mother could say whatever the hell she wants to.
It worries me that this child is crying out for help and the mother doesn't even care. And only being 10 and doing this... really sad. But there is nothing you can do about the way her mom is. Just give her the best and most stable environment that you can and get her the help she needs, and hopefully she'll come out of this a better person from your influence.
There have been times SD has
There have been times SD has called my mommy. I felt really uncomfortable with her doing this because she has a mother. A Psycho, but none the less, she is her mother and therefore should be called so. Although I do a much better job parenting her children, I do not have the desire to take that away from her.
***I love you like a fat kid loves cake***
My DH has it in his CO that
My DH has it in his CO that no one can call them DAD or MOM besides the birth parents. He had it put in there to avoid situations like this. I wouldn't feel comfortable with them calling me mom. I am not their mom.
The mommy thing, not a big
The mommy thing, not a big issue compared to the fact that a 10 year old is already contemplating suicide. Something has obviously happened to this girl that has caused some sort of trauma. A trauma can create depression and suicidal thoughts, although with someone that young I could imagine there may have been a pre-existing genetic condition. DH needs to speak with BM about taking her to a different psychologist that would not be biased and not give BM or DH a detailed description of each meeting (just general updates to how SD is feeling). SD, even though she is 10, needs to know she can put trust and confidence in someone that isn't going to immediately punish her.
If BM refuses to change psychologists, then offer to be an open mind and comforting ear for SD to come to and promise not to tell her 'secrets' unless the secret is something that could put her or someone else in danger. Suicide is a touchy subject with many parents, and most will never talk to their children about it, but I personally feel it is just as important of a conversation sex is. Talk to DH and BM (if possible) and see if they would be willing to sit down with SD and talk to her about suicide and depression. SD may be young but she already knows what it is to be really sad.
If you need more information about suicide and having the conversation, you can call 1-800-273-TALK or go to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org .
Most people can act 'ok' or 'normal' and still think of ending their lives. If no one feels comfortable speaking to SD about it personally, talk to the psychologist and see if she can speak to SD about it and find out what SD knows and thinks.
~*Fading*~
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
One more thing, try to make
One more thing, try to make it clear to BM that you are in the picture and you will be there for SD because this situation is ABOUT SD not BM.
~*Fading*~
::*(\_(\
*: (=’:’ ):*
•..(,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»
"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
Thank You for you responses.
Thank You for you responses. Fading SD was seeing a psychologist, but was taking out about 1 year later because DH mentioned he wanted SD to move in with us. BM freaked out and pulled her out just like that. I never went to any of there family meeting which I was okay with that, but DH told me that the Dr. brought it to BM attention that her first prioraty should be her daoughter not her Ex husbands wife. The Dr. said that she was there to help the child not her issues with me. Yes BM spoke to DH and mentioned that she was going to take SD to see her Dr so he can refer her to a specialist. I hope this is true.I am going to call the number you provided. Thank you so much!
~Life's a Journey-So take a deep breath and enjoy the ride~
SS is only 3 so we havn't
SS is only 3 so we havn't crossed that bridge yet but I'm pretty sure that it'd be very uncomfortable. He has a mom and as nutso as she is, I have no desire or intention of being that. I love him as if he was one of my own, but the reality of it is that he's not. He calls me "my casey" . He always says "daddy, my casey, mommy, and me!" I really think he thinks my name is mycasey lol. Whenever DBf picks him up from daycare, he always says "wheres my casey??" BM gets pissed b/c apparently he says that to her too. Its probably because I'm a better "parent" than she is...