It's always tough with relationship. It is for me anyway. Being with one person, any person, is such a commitment and a compromise. It also holds the stability and security that makes life work. Here's my little test for my relationship...do I still get excited when I know he's coming home. The answer for me is "yes." It's not the kind of excited like I want to jump his bones. It's more like, a sigh of comfort, like, "God am I happy to see you. I want to sit with you, talk about my day, hear (but I only half listen!) about your day. I want to be in your space. I'm just happy you are home. When I was married before I didn't feel that way. I sometimes even had a sense of dread when my husband walked through the door. It wasn't because we fought. It was because we had nothing to share. Fight,not fight. What you fight about-relationships are all differnet. My ex and I never fought. I went along a lot to keep the peace. In the end we had a relationship without passion. With my guy now, I let it out. He drives me crazy because he mumbles and I usually have to ask him to repeat what he says, especially over the phone. So annoying. I've acutally thought of leaving the relationship because of it. Sometimes I say, "I am completely ignoring you because I can't understand a GD word that's coming out of your mouth!" So nothing is perfect. In the end, I still can't wait to see him at the end of the day. So, I know I have the right guy. Good luck.

but that's probably because I just spent my entire day working with him
BUT on the days we don't work together I do miss him and am generally happy to see him when he comes home. It's hard to know if certain people are truly supposed to be together. I don't believe in soulmates and I don't believe in love at first sight. I think either you are both able to bend to each other to mesh than you're going to be able to be together for a long time. If neither of you can bend or only one of you is bending, than you aren't capable of making it work. If you are the only one bending or if he is the only one bending, eventually one of you is going to break. But if you both bend to each other equally...no one has to break to make it work.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

I always look forward to seeing FH at the end of the day. I do believe in soulmates and feel in my heart that he and I are meant to be together. If I didn't believe this, I would have left long ago due to the stress his children (and their effect on his relationship with DD14)have caused us. Many times over the past five years I've had to carefully consider if it's worth it. Despite advice to the contrary from my mother and friends, I stuck it out anyway. And now things are better than they have ever been (still not perfect, but better). He is a kind, gentle, intelligent man who loves me to the ends of the earth. I'm keeping him.

But screaming at me might have tipped the balance long ago. He has lost his self control a few times but he takes it outside and goes for a drive when he recognizes the need to cool off. I'm learning to do the same (except I'll take the dog for a walk instead of drive, given my propensity for speed when I'm angry).

We only discuss issues when we're both calm. If we disagree intensely, sometimes it helps to write out our arguments in emails. That way we can take the time to answer appropriately, giving our responses some thought instead of allowing them to become emotionally charged.

to seeing my husband when he comes home. It is something new for me. In my first marriage I didn't feel that way at all. I do believe in soulmates.. kind of... people who are akin to each other... however I believe there are many of them.. not just one.

I wasted 10 years of my life in a marriage I did not want to be in. This actually makes it tougher on my current DH.. the reason is..a long time ago I decided that life is too short to take any guff from anybody. Sure we have our spats.. but if it started to become disrespectful, or anything like that.. (too early for words this morning).. I would leave him. I know that sounds harsh.. but seriously... it took me a long time to get my life back after my ex, and I swore I'd never marry again.. oops.. If it starts becoming a chore to be married.. I will simply not allow that to happen. Of course I realize marriage has it's ups and downs, and I'm in for the long haul... I know there are fights, disagreements, even a little screaming... but if at the core I'm not feeling that love, and if I'm feeling that it's not there for me.. I'm not going to waste another second.

Interesting to note... I agree with bellydancer in that with my ex of 10 years we NEVER fought... ever.. but then I guess it's because I never really cared less about him, and there was no passion... There is passion a-plenty with current DH..sometimes good, sometimes bad... I love the big guy to death though... so there is no question for me as to whether I'm in the right place at this moment..

My first husband and I worked really well together. We renovated 2 houses. I think our marriage probably ended when we ran out of projects! Our youngest son was just about through college when it all fell apart. I have this CD that I listen to to help we fall asleep--101 Powerthoughts for Life. On it, this lady with a really soothing voice says nice things as I drift off into la la land. One of the things she says is that "People enter our lives at the perfect time, we do the work that we are meant to do together and then I lovingly let them go." That's how I try to look at the end of my marriage. When I can elevate myself above the day to day and the loss I feel and consider that maybe this is what my soul needed to do. My soul's path was not in alignment with my life path. Now they do align. But, it hasn't been easy. Maybe the best way to divorce is when there is still a lot of love there. It hurts, but you are much kinder to each other.