You are here

What do you do when a child whines?

Manda's picture

SS10 whines all the time! He knows the drill after school...homework is done right away! Although every day he comes home and whines about doing homework and needing to get his assignment notebook out of his bookbag so I can check it. He whines any time he is asked to do something around the house, such as take the garbage out...let his dog out and in...vacuum his room...pick up after himself, etc. Tonight he was in tears because I told him that if he didn't eat his dinner (which was a very generic dinner for me cooking...mac n cheese) that he wouldn't get a snack later in the night...I told him if he got hungry he would have to eat the rest of his dinner. I personally think that is fair... When I was growing up, if I didn't eat what was in front of me I would have to sit at the table until I ate it or it was my bedtime so I think I'm pretty lienent. So, anyways...I was thinking of a bunch of 'come backs' for his whining today... The next time he whines, which I guarentee will be after school tomorrow...here we go... If you don't want to do your homework that's fine but you need to clean the family room and basement including vacuuming the stairs and couches...I don't like doing your laundry but I do it (just like you don't like doing homework)....I dont like cleaning the house, but I do...I don't like making your lunch, but I do...I don't like cooking and cleaning the kitchen, but I do...I don't like paying the cable, electric and gas bills, but I do...I don't like carting your butt around to sporting or school events or to friends houses, but I do... So you all get the point...my list is a lot longer but I'm sure you get the jist... I'm going to try this approach and see what happens....but if anyone else has any other suggestions, I'm always open to them!

Comments

belleboudeuse's picture

Well, I'm not a bioparent, but in our house, I've discussed with DH that if a kid is told to do something, whining OR backtalk about it doubles any punishment, or starts the punishment process. So:

DH: SD, please empty the dishwasher.

SD: But I don't WANNAAAAA!!!!

DH: Okay, because of that whining, you will empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen. NOW.

OR:

DH: You need to start your homework.

SD: But I don't WANNNAAA!!!!!

DH: Okay, because of that whining and backtalk, you' re going to give me your cell phone and your computer, and you're going to your room (which has almost nothing in it) and work for 1/2 hour. If I hear any music or any noise from anything other than you working, it will increase to an hour.

Hit it right away. Instant consequences. Every. Time.

A few weeks of that willl cure him.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Kb3Hooah's picture

I always have my children go to their rooms whenever they whine. No t.v, no games, nothing, just sit there on the bed and whine, and don't come out until you are finished. If that means staying in there all day/night, then so be it.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Amazed's picture

My son wears the first place medal for whining and "I don't wanna do this!!"

Yup. My coping mechanism is to just be brisk and not react to it.At all. Don't mention it.

If he's in a particularly difficult mood I switch tactics and say, "let's take a walk choochoo" and i take his hand and we go for a little walk outside for a minute and TOTALLY change the subject.

Then we go back inside and refocus.

He whines due to his anxiety problem so it's whining hand in hand with panicking about something...calm and brisk is best.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

epgr's picture

we have limited whining around here.. although it happens from time to time..
the minute anyone even looks like they are going to whine they have to do what I told them plus..
Whining because you dont want to do homework and you will have to write "I will do my homework after school and not whine about it" (how many times depends on how old the whiner is)
no tv, and an earlier bed time.. there ya go.. if you want to whine you can do it in your bed, you have an extra hour to do it..

although I do have one who has learned not to whine, but will sit for hours and hours day dreaming or drawing and not actually doing homework.. have not found a way to get him to actually do his homework, but did get the whining to stop. I have called his teacher and explained what he is doing, and told him he is going to fail 6th grade.

Abalyn's picture

I have told all the children that I have a whine-resistant hearing deficiency. I simply don't hear it. Sorry, you'll have to use a regular voice if you'd like to speak to me. "Do your homework" ~~ begins whining ~~ "I'm sorry, I can't understand you when you whine. Do your homework." ~~ whining doubles ~~ I simply go on about my business until they stop whining.

Now complaining is different. They are given an opportunity to explain their position, but only one. If they have a legitimate reason for not sitting at the table to do their homework, then I'll entertain it. If the reason is "I don't wanna", I usually just reply "yeah, I don't blame you. Okay, get started now".

I frequently employ the shock factor. Meaning I act shocked when they continue complaining. Like "Seriously, you're still complaining?! I can't imagine why as you know the rules and that they are not negotiable." But in general, whining and complaining get no reaction. I will not be sucked into an argument with a child. I will never win, I will never make my decisions "okay" with them, so I'm not even going to try.

That's the same treatment I give BM Smile

stepmom2one's picture

I say "don't whine it talk it" with BS3 he stops right away. SD10 she usually stops sometimes she will roll her eyes BUT thankfully every time she goes to her room! lol

Manda's picture

I think I'm going 2 take the advice of ignorring. We've both told him that whinninis not acceptible. I usually 'validate' it by giving him a 'warning' the first time however I know I need to follow through n not give him a warning from now on n just pit him in the 'naughty stood'