hubby heard from my horrid stepdevil daughter today!
She called to chat with daddy today for which I am glad because it pleases him. As long as she doesn't leave him in the cold then I could care less if she likes me again. But anywho, she told him she was not mad at me no more but was not ready to come around yet... Dern I thought she would grace us with her presence---I was about to roll out the red carpet and everything,LOL!! She wishes. Dear people I am not crazy but I have to laugh about this silly situation to be able to cope! Honestly though when she does decide to come around I will behave but.....I really think I will never feel about her like I did after all this emotional madness she has thrown my way. I did not deserve it for one minute.
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so perfectly described
Your whole first paragraph is so perfectly how I feel. I am going to frame this on the freaking wall since I have run out of ways to describe how I feel about SD!! Thank you, so much StepAside-!!!
"That's funny, my YSD said the exact same thing. Meanwhile, our lives march on without her. I do wonder if my SD's will ever grow up, get their own lives and see us as family members and not just paychecks. No relationship is ever all take and no give. These adult women are stuck in the childlike mode of expecting their parent to do all the work. Apparently, the concept of taking on adult responsibilities is escaping them. And the situation continues to only get worse. We go on with our lives and go on trips and they resent us for every dime we spend that isn't on them. They pout, remove themselves from DH even more, build more resentment and send DH messages through others about how they've been wronged. It just becomes so unappealing the older they get. Honestly, I don't know what they expect. That someday we'll have a big awakening and just start sending them huge checks so that they'll grace us with their presence? They've had 16 years to get used to the fact that their father married me. I've been married to him 4X longer than their mother was married to him. I'm not a temporary figure here and they still don't accept that."
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2to step aside
what bitchy ungrateful stepkids! Yes, excepting BS from them in the begining was wrong because you opened the door for you to be their own personal doormat. But honey all of us have done that especially me. But then you get tierd, so tierd.... You should challenge her when she acts like an ass like that again. I would throw her under the bus (as they say )so quick and shame her for her childish bratty ways! Make sure to have grace and tact though when you do confront them so you don't look like a psycho maniac in front of them or hubby then they will have ammunition. You take control of this situation because it has been in their hands far too too long as long as you have said you have been around. I would wash my hands of them really cause silence is golden believe that sister. But tell hubby that it would make them happy to detatch yourself and it will make you happy as well because it is too stressful for all parties involved and there will never be a resolution because it takes both parties and that you can't fix shit all by yourself.
step aside
Good for you!! It sounds like your husband is doing everything as he should. Just let him know you appreciate his support and that you wish things were different and that you are sorry they aren't but that it is out of your hands. I tell my husband this cause he is so understanding and nice about the situation with his daughter. And I know it must be hard for our husbands to deal with the type of kids they have and how it must tear them up inside knowing what they are doing, because they KNOW. And they know it is not right. It must be awful for them to deal with all that animosity that their kids have towards us and all the mind games and shit they gotta listen to. But as long as they make the right choices and don't let the brats manipulate them then its all good. It sounds like your hubby is grateful that things are the way they are cause deep down he probably don't want to for real deal with them or their crap! Don't let them bring you down to their horrible existance ever.... How awful of lives they must have to want to have drama all the time and no peace. But it is the life they choose. Let them deal with it, it is what they deserve!
The hard part
is seeing how SD's behavior affects DH. He still has hopes for her and thinks that she is changing and growing up. I don't think so. SD still relies on DH for $'s and still plays the victim around me. It's sad to see DH get disappointed again and again.
Glynne
reply to glynne
I know how hard it is to see your hubby get disappointed over his own childs behavior. I just listen to him. Thats really all you can do and tell him how wonderful he is and that he is a great dad. Parents always want to see the best in their children, we all do. But all of us know the truth when our children don't behave right, its just hard to admit it to others because you feel as if you have failed as a parent somehow. But if your hubby didn't realize how she really was and was still wearing the rose colored glasses persay then he wouldn't be getting so disappointed in her, right? All you can do is be there for him to dust him off when he falls. Eventually in his own way he will limit his time with her hisself if she doesn't shape up, hopefully.......Good luck:)
Thanks
Thanks Juliann. I see from your blog that you are a BM and SM so you understand both sides. I still hope for SD. I would love to see a look of pride in DH's face instead of worry. I have disengaged from SD's and DH's relationship. I do not criticize or advise anymore. I do listen when he wants to talk about it. That's about all I can do. I know that he is disappointed with my disengagement but I need to do this to keep my sanity and sobriety. I don't quibble about the time or $'s that he spends with SD. SD is always welcome in our home as long as she respects house rules and my place in the home and in our marriage.
Glynne