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New to this site but desperate for help!!

juliannbaker's picture

Basically I have a wonderful husband of 4 years and 2 kids of my own 16 and 6 and he has one 23 yr old daughter and 2 year old granddaughter. My stepdaughter and I used to get along well and I believed she really loved and cared for me as I did her. We used to know each other and be friends before she introduced me to her dad so her and I have a history beyond her being my stepdaughter. The problem is she got upset with me over something very petty and has blocked me from her phone and been a total hard ass about the whole situation. I have even been the bigger person and apologized and tried to make ammends several times and for a month or so she has alienated me totally and it is eating me up. I want to know why the hell she would treat me like this after all I have done for her and after all we have been through and now she is like wrote me off without thinking twice. The only way I have been communicating with her to try and at least tell her how this hurting me is through leaving her voice mails from my work which she cannot block that number and I have sent her texts as well cause even if you block someone you can get their texts. I just love her and miss her. Yeah she has a history of being a pain in the ass stepdaughter with the usual issues but all in all we have made it through and now its like poof she has just thrown me away and it hurts. My husband is so supportive about this all and puts the blame on her and says she is being ridiculous and has told her so and she has gotten beligerent with him in return and avoided him as well for a short bit. My husband loves his granddaughter dearly and missed her. Since all this began he has gotten very little contact with her or his daughter all of which is her doing . And it is because of her newfound animousity towards me. That burden on my shoulders is so great. I feel like I am keeping my wonderful husband away from his daughter and granddaughter when in all reality I know it is her own doin but on the other hand I am the reason she is keeping her and her daughter away and it kills me to see my husband sad. He is too good of a person and he has some health issues anyway and I hate like hell for him to go thru any undo stress. I just feel at my wits end here. I wish I could do like some of you all do from what I have been reading in others post and detatch myself but I can't. I can't turn off my feeling for her and her daughter like she did me.

Comments

juliannbaker's picture

thank you for ur reply. I know I have to let it go because it is hurting me and affecting me in many ways, and it is not healthy for anyone!

juliannbaker's picture

thanks for ur reply, maybe soon when u are online I can go into detail about my stepdaughter, because any advice helps!!

juliannbaker's picture

My stepdaughter is a very premiscuous girl. Any how she got married in April and was in desperate need of a preacher because it was the weekend of Easter and most preachers were not available so one of my best friends suggested a good friend of hers that was an ordained minister to perform the ceremony and she gave my stepdaughter the number. Everything worked out perfect but my stepdaughter carried on their relationship past wedding and started seeing the preacher! Her and her husband did have a few issues they needed to work out from what I know that if they would have may have prevented this infedelity maybe? Anyway the preacher and her went together for about a month and she left her husband to be with the preacher. So after about a month of her being with the preacher her husband had begged and pleaded and claimed it was all his fault for her infedelity and professed his deep love for her and she went back to the husband. Through all of this I told her of course this whole situation was messed up but she was grown and all I wanted was for her to be happy. Because her husband is not an awful person but had some issues that should have been resolved before the wedding. So they go back together and after a few weeks she finds out she is pregnant....And of course I tell her what will u do this may be the other guys baby and she insists she was being intimate with both of them and that when she got pregnant that she already stopped being around the preacher. OK... so then her and husband decide to move to the country to be closer to his job or for him to move her away and make a fresh start and make her an honest woman, I don't know. The day after they move she has a miscarriage. Ok then life goes on. One night I was on Myspace and the preacher is on my friend list and I comment to everyones stuff so I sent him a clown picture because he likes clowns and her husband sees it and questions her why I am sending stuff to him and she asks her dad why am I talking to him. Her dad said because the preacher and her became friends and because he is good friends with her friend. The way she asked her dad about it was like she was trying to insinuate to her dad that I was doing something wrong. It was harmless. Just because she isn't with him no longer does not mean I am going to treat him bad. Not to mention the situation it put me in with my friend who was trying to lend a helping hand and offer a solution to them no preacher dilemma. I call her about this and ask what in the world would she get so mad for and tell her dad like I did something wrong and she cussed me out for sending that stupid clown pix to him! After that she blocked me. And has been a total ass to me. Just thrown me away. All over a picture of a clown! So now she is 7 weeks preganat again and what I am wondering is if maybe she didnt really misscarry and when I sent that pix --her husband stalking our myspaces saw me as a potential threat to maybe bring in this preacher in the loop to make claims over the baby she was carrying. That would expkain why she is avoiding me like the plague. She don't want me to see she is further along. I heard from someone that she is showing real good and she should not be for 7 weeks along. But if she never misscarried the first time she would be more like 16 weeks and this all would make sense.

melis070179's picture

Well I guess when the baby is born will be your clue because that is a big gap!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

juliannbaker's picture

for sure! the original due date for the miscarried baby was between january 30-february 14 and the new baby is april 8 so that is a big gap, I don't know how she will play off having an early baby. Maybe I am wrong and she really did miscarry but if not and my theory is right then this all makes good sense.

stepmom2one's picture

She must feel betrayed by you. Tell her you did not me to betray her, you wish you hadn't done that and take that guy off your friend list and tell her so. She wants action, if you want to solve this I would try these things--it couldn't hurt.

juliannbaker's picture

I have not took him off my friend list. And by being nice to him and an acquaintance I don't feel like that is wrong just because she is a jealous person. She should not feel betrayed I did nothing to her she is the one who dumped that guy who happens to be a good friend of my best friend and I thought about deleting him but as anal as she is being I doubt that would do any good and I will be damned if I let her manipulate me into doing so.

juliannbaker's picture

yeah you are right.I only stayed acquaintences with the fella cause he was a friend of my best friend. We by no means hung out or were buddies. We just shared a mutual friend. I feel like maybe I am the scapegoat in this whole situation. Some one had to be to blame. Oh well.....I do believe what comes around goes around and it will come back to her with all her deceit and lies. Her husband lost his job recently about a week ago. He was the sole provider cause he was a GM at this restaurant. So if they are out in the street they only have here to go or to Ohio where his family lives.

blendedinmaine05's picture

Hey everyone, I am new to this site and am in hopes of learning as well as maybe teaching. I have been with my fiance for 4 1/2 years. He has 2 kids ages 14 and 8, I have a son who is 15, and together we have a 3 year old. Right off the bat I wanted us all to be a big happy family, I was so naiive! I bent over backwards for his kids, even doing all the things for them that their father should have been doing. Why? Because I wanted them to like me, not only like me, but LOVE me. Well needless to say, at this point in time, they "tolerate me" His oldest does better, because she is never around. But his son, from his second marriage, recently moved in next door to us. Yes I said it, next door. Of course this gives both he and his father the best of both worlds, while I have mixed feelings about it. Then there is my son, who basically feels the same way about my fiance. So now I have come to a conclusion. Perhaps it is best for me to parent my child, let him do the same for his, parent ours together, and maybe we will find some harmony. Any thoughts?