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HELP, HELP, HELP!!!

Rosedeer1's picture

I need advice, same advice I usually need. We had to see BM today at SS soccer game and just on wed. she threatened to take DH back to court and now on Sat. she tries to be best buddies. DH has custody and she just moved again for the 7th time and has a new job again for the 5th time so I am not worried about court. I am not worried about him going back to her, I hate that she can freak out one day and the next day she talks to DH about her taking her son to a NASCAR race tomorrow and that her sister is coming to watch the game, well her sister got lost because eveyone in her family lives an hour away from the child including her, she just moved an hour away in July. So DH never is rude, he tries to keep the peace because it makes life easier and I get that, but I do not like it. I want to smack her in her stupid little face. She asked DH about us taking him to Hershey and if her son liked the rides, and DH said yes he loves them and he loves the water rides now too. She was talking how she might take him another place because it is like Hershey but cheaper. because last time they went somewhere he made her ride all the rides, well he still does, he does not like riding alone. SO I told her the chocolate factory is free and that is his favorite part and again she must think I am dead and she said nothing. She told DH where she was camping and my DH said yep that is where we stayed. I think it is a riot that she can afford to do all of this, I know her budget and bills do to court and every month she must be at least 300 in the whole so I am not sure how she is paying for things, unless she sells herself at night and still she would not get that much!!! SO help me be able to be calm about her, I hated DH talking so much but everyone in my family says it is the right thing to do, let her be crazy and that DH is doing the right thing by being civil they do have a child together, I did not care at all if her sister made it to the game or not, so why does DH need to help psyco get her sister to the game. I know when I think about he is only being civil and that is the best to do with a kid involved, I mean what should he ignore her, no that is why he won in court because they said he was the better parent to promote positive feelings toward the other parent, that BM can not put her feelings aside about me, to be able to promote a good relationship with dad and a few other reasons, like DH being more stable, never being arrested, not moving his sons daycare 9 times in 2 years like BM did. SO how do I stop hating her and getting in fights with DH, because I love him soooo much and at the end of the game when she left I was mad and told him he does not need to be that nice, which me getting mad upsets him he is able to forget about BM the second she leaves and wishes I could too, so how can I do that because I do not want to be mad or even think about her either. I want to love my man and my family and allow her to have her miserable 5 days a month with her son and I will raise him the other 25 days a month!!!! HELP,HELP,HELP:)

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isthis4me's picture

When you find out, let me know.
I feel exactly the same way you do. It's like I am on high alert and I get mad if DH even treats her with any kindness. Only bc everyday is a different mood with her. I tell him all the time, how can BM act like such a horiible person one day and the next you start off at square one with her, like nothing happened!!
It makes my blood boil.
Now, I don't even go to the field when I know she will be there and if she shows up unexpectedly, I leave. And when DH EX-MIL came to intorduce herself to me and told me how pretty I was, like I need to be validated? No, she was just checkin the competition.
I can't stand knowing the BM is going to pull into my driveway and DH is going to have to go outside and interact with her and her snide comments about my "rich house".
I keep it all to myself, I have learned to. If I don't, he tells me I am acting like I am consumed with her and that I am acting like a typical crazy woman.....that's why I need ST so much!

Rosedeer1's picture

mississippi, thank you so much for your words, I know I need to focus on the positive and that is my family that I live with everyday and not her. Our BM did the same as your tried to control my DH with their son, that is why it has been 3 years of court, because DH was trying to be nice in the beginning and not go to court she took us to court and we ended up winning after 3 years of court. I wish you the best and I will think of your words when I am getting mad, I know she is winning and I also know that she would be sooooo happy to know how much she has affected my life. SO I will try again today to start a new!!! Lets stay in touch!!!

isthis4me, I think we should stay in touch too to help each other through all of this, it is very hard.

Rosedeer1's picture

Well I know when I was growing up I liked the fact that my parents could talk and be civil infront of us. My DH has no ass to kiss because he is the one who has custody. I would not say that my DH is her friend he hates her as much as I do the difference between him and I is he can think of his son before he reacts and I just want to react but I do not becaue I think of how much I love my DH.

Rosedeer1's picture

Well Danyelle I appreciate you opinion but the BM does want my husband she is nice because she loves him, I know it. She has to be nice because DH controls if she gets any extra time with her son, like I said we have custody, and of course he is fake nice, civil what ever you want to call it, even being civil I hate, I wish he would tell her to go fuc* herself, but I know that is not right. When I reflect on the issue I do feel he is doing what is best for his son, in the future I am sure he will not have to talk so much to her, like when SS is 15, but right now he is 5 so they have to communicate becuase SS is so youg. It is not like he goes out of his way to be civil or nice but if she asked him a question he does not ignore her like I would do, but I guess between him and I he is the better person.