Prior to being a stepmom, my life was pretty uncomplicated. Having a career as a nurse and volunteering in local community groups, as well as gardening were my world. Although, at the time, I was unhappily married and decided to separate. During this time I decided to further my education and start college again. Going to college was liberating! I learned a lot about myself, and how to put my needs first for a change. I then made the separation complete and moved in with a girlfriend.

During that time I met a wonderful man (going to the same college) who was easy to talk to and also going through an unhappy marriage. We connected so well, first as friends. At this point I so did not want to get involved with another relationship. So guess what, when you aren't looking for love, you find love.

Fast forward, we are together and completely head over heels in love with eachother. He is smart, beautiful, sensitive, caring, attentive; everything a woman could want. There's a catch, he has three kids and a psychotic soon to be ex. How psychotic do you ask? Let me give you an example. Several years before he left, they had a two year old adopted son. One day, he came home to an ambulance and a barrage of police officers. The boy was unconscious and in an ambulance. At the hospital, the doctors tell him (and her) that CPS will need to be called, and they didn't know if the boy would make it. All he was told is that the boy had a spiral fracture of his leg, detached retina, and a head injury and the doctors believed she did it. Finally, psycho admitted that she had beat the boy to within an inch of his life because she was jealous of her husbands relationship with his son. Most men would've wrung her neck BUT she was also abusive to him for years, verbally,mentally and physically. She was placed in jail for a while, but eventally set free after counseling and having the boy removed from their home. The judge did not believe she would harm her own children. (whatever!!)

It took him a long time to leave because of his fear of her and for his other biological kids. When a person is in an abusive marriage, whether it be a man or a woman, your self esteem is damaged tremendously. It's hard to leave. But he finally made the decision to leave soon after this event. When he left, since he did not take the kids with him, the judge gave primary custody of the kids to her. The courts wouldn't allow her past conviction into the mix.

Fast forward two years. The divorce is final, the ex (psycho) is tail gaiting me, calling at all hours for stupid reasons, telling her kids not to eat at our house because the food is poisoned, calling and hanging up on me, verbally harrassing us etc. So we got a restraining order which was for a year and was absolutely wonderful! The oldest at the time was 9 and was very bitter. Believed everything her mother told her, ie, dad isn't paying child support, I stole dad away from mom, dad doesn't love you etc. The kid constantly argued with us and refused to be a part of the family, but wanted all the perks like his/her own room, toys, allowance etc. Ya right, you don't do chores and participate then you are outta luck kiddo!!

At that time, his and my relationship was even stronger, so we decided to marry. This sent psycho over the edge! She took her middle child to the store because MC wanted to get a wedding present for us. The mother told MC that a black rose is a sign of love, so the MC got it and brought it to us. Mind you, during this time, psycho has had another child with another man and tried to blame it on my DH. Fortunately it was later revealed that she lied. The father of her FOURTH child will now not have anything to do with her or the child because of her psychotic actions towards him.

Right around the time we were married, psycho took my DH to court saying he owed her like 27K of child support. He was paying this woman privately, as per the court order. Fortunately, he kept all his receipts and deposit slips proving he payed this woman. Since she lied, DES got involved and said my DH has to make payments through the clearing house. She has to wait for THEM to give her the money now. LOL!!!

She does not have a job, she sells makeup. Now, I applaud any woman who creates a business and works from home,if they actually work! This one does not make any money! She leaves her oldest (now 13) at home with all the little ones and expects her to babysit as mom goes gallivanting around town. The younger kids tell us that their older sibling ignores them or hits them. The kids are not allowed to join any extracurricular groups or activities while at moms. When they are with us, we do a lot of social activities to build self-esteem. They LOVE it!!! Psycho spits horrid words at us about what we do to HER children. She swears and belittles my DH in front of the kids. It's awful. She has no clue how much she is hurting the kids. The middle child told me once that "mom needs to stop being childish." This kid is TEN YEARS OLD! That blew me away.

The older child will not come over to our house anymore because she believes I am evil incarnate and to blame for all the problems in the ex's life. For instance, the ex's internet and phone is constantly being shut off for non payment (how is this my fault?). We once explained to this kid that dad gives half his paycheck to the mom to take care of the kids and that I work too, so we can afford more things.

To be honest, I am glad the older child does not come over because she is just like her mom, negative, hurtful, controlling, and mean to everyone. The younger two love coming over, and tell us our house is so nice because there is no yelling like at mom's. They tell us the names mom calls me, so I use it as a teaching lesson to say "you know what, names don't hurt unless you let them." They hug me all the time, give me kisses, and tell me they love me. When their older sibling came over, they couldn't do this because the older one would tell mom everything they did. Poor kids would get yelled at, and supposidly hit.

Being a stepmom is a hard job, I cannot say it's thankless because my DH and two SKids are super wonderful. I'm sure, as the kids grow, their hormones will kick in, but I am going to relish every moment of joy and happiness we have now.

Wow that felt good to release ...