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Ok to give up?

Virgo85Nurse's picture

SD continues to come over when she wants. Her mother allows her to make plans with friends on our weekends. Then it starts a fight when my husband says she can't go. Says she hates it here and we don't make her feel welcome. Yet this weekend like any other when she does come she's a perfectly fine child. Interacts, helps, happy, laughing, and anything in between. This weekend we spent time with family, played board games at her request. Made dinner together. My 4 yr old was gone most of the weekend and when she returns, well she's 4. My SD says she ruins everything, taunts her, interrupts her or bothers her. And not normal child fussing. I'm talking it's the end of the world because we don't do anything about it. I told her again she's 4 she doesn't understand sometimes. We have to help her learn. Other times she's being a normal child yet it interferes with anything my SD does. Says she likes her little brother at her moms better "because he's 8 months and doesn't do anything" her words. Then when she went to leave my daughter wanted a hug and was upset because she didn't get to spend any time with her this weekend. My SD turns and says she will be fine and left. Mind you most days she plays with her and all is perfectly normal. Im at a loss. I know she does a lot for attention. But I had to lay down the law when she continued to complain about my 4 yr old sitting at the table being a normal 4 yr old and she went on for 30 minutes about how she ruins everything. She has repeatedly said she wants to be an only child and hates her siblings. She's seeing 2 therapists now apparently not that bio mom has told us this. Yet it does no good. Is it ok to feel like giving up? I won't allow my kids to be mistreated because she had a shitty manipulative mom that gives in to the drama. When the other kids really do nothing normal siblings don't do. And from talking to my friends, my kids act better than their kids who are full blood siblings. I told my SD she will never be an only child again and she needs to embrace that. It's her choice. When she doesn't want to come or be involved with our family activities I tell her it's her choice not to come and be involved. But I honestly feel like giving up? Saying fuck it. Do what you want I don't even care. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Comments

Hastings's picture

I think it's normal to feel that way, and to want to protect your child (who's too young to understand) from negative talk and behaviors toward her. It sounds like you're getting other opinions, which is good, because you do want to be sure you're also being fair to SD. Four-year-olds are cute, but they can also be annoying to older kids and you need to be sure DD isn't invading her space or anything like that. Kids that young often need guidance with personal boundaries. Sounds like you're keeping an eye on that, though.

As for reaching the "I don't care" point? I feel you. DH and I are getting there with spoiled SS11, who is seems to be getting closer and closer to declaring he wants to live with BM. Fine by me -- as long as DH isn't really hurt by it. That's all I care about because any find feelings I ever had for SS are misty memories by now.

dragonfly878's picture

How old is your SD? I agree it sounds like she needs a life outside of your DD. Even though your daughter is only 4- kids can feel emotion and I'm sure she's picking up on SD's vibe. I'd shut that down quick and remind her that if she doesn't want to be around DD- she can always take space in her room until she's ready to be apart of a family rather than try to run the show.