Ask Amy at it again...
More craptastic blended family advice. So now SM/SO not only have to sacrifice themselves at the alter and will of DH/SO, SK and BM but now let throw in BM's unrelated DK for good measure. :?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/ask-amy-girlfriend-wonder...
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I read it and thought the
I read it and thought the crux of it is that the dh also want to take the kid. If it is his trip and his money as well it seems he should have a say. It came across to me like the sm got to call all the shots.
I took it as the LW might
I took it as the LW might need to see the perspective that this other kid was her SO's stepson for several years and that the boy IS the brother of her SO's daughter.
As such, there is a family connection of this boy to her SO. Now, Amy did say that it wasn't the 9 year old's place to invite people (even if it is her brother) on a family vacation with her dad and his new GF. Amy did suggest that in the interest of being inclusive, that it might be nice for them to get to know the boy better since he IS her potential stepkid's brother.
The suggestion was also made to discuss with her SO how this once removed relation might be handled going forward.
^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^ Kids will
^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^
Kids will invite others along because things like who's paying for the trip don't occur/matter to them. "Hey, I want you to come with us, ok?" and they think that's fine.
If the father has never spent time with the "stepson" since they split then, no, it's not appropriate for them to be taking him on a vacation with them. The GF has been around for three years so for at least three years he's had nothing to do with this kid other than saying "hello" when he drops off/picks up his daughter. That's not a relationship.
So my SO tried to pull the I
So my SO tried to pull the I consider my SM other son (one of very many) my son too crap on me. I asked flat out if he was considered a SS or son where has he been for the last 2 years? A candy and hi/bye on weekend does not a SP make. And that's definitely not showing an interest in the kid or treating the kid like family. The realism is if this guy really thought of BM son as his family in any wat it wouldn't have been 3 years before any major family interaction.
It is ridiculous to make a
It is ridiculous to make a blanket statement that step kids remain step kids after the BM and stepfather divorce. To each his or her own, in terms of whether they want to continue a relationship, but legally they are no longer related.
I agree. If dad wants a
I agree.
If dad wants a relationship with the kid and not say no to his kid(sounds like this is whats happening since he didn't have a relationship other than hi/bye at drop off/pick up), he can pay for all their 3 shares. Cater to the kids the whole trip...which I assume the poster will feel excluded from.
If it was me in the scenario (and since I typically pay for all vacations) Its a flat NO, no further discussions, talk to your daughter about permissions next time before offering. Sorry but I am not having 2 of BM's kids on my vacation with one not even being SO's. If SO does not want to agree and will not say no to his child then ok fine. I go on vacation without all 3 of them and he can set up their own vacation.
Huh? If my kid invited a
Huh? If my kid invited a friend, classmate, etc. without asking me first, it would be a flat "no" without a second thought. Sorry. This is a family vacation, we're not bringing friends. Most people decide in advance whether they will allow kids to take friends or not. The only reason the LW is conflicted about whether or not to allow it is because of some vague "relationship" between her DH and this boy. Otherwise, it wouldn't even be a question.
I must live a very different
I must live a very different type of life then most of you. Because wow, your posts about how the kids matter most floor me.
In my world, I am the mom and wife of my family. When on vacation I may or not take my kids, depending on whether it is a couple weekend or not. If I decide to take my kids, then they are my guests and they can ask if they may bring someone else. Depending on my personal comfort level with such kid, I may say yes or no. I will consult with my husband as to his opinion, and if he says no, then no. He does the same.
It is about respect for your partner.
Amen. This idea that kids can
Amen. This idea that kids can just ask / invite whoever they want without getting permission from their parents is so foreign to me and smacks of entitlement. I would never have even thought that was a possibility when I was a kid. 9 years old is definitely old enough to know the rules about vacation / that you should have to ask to bring a friend.
"Family vacations" should be
"Family vacations" should be considered a torture method.
Fruit, that perfectly
Fruit, that perfectly describes the Unikitty holiday I still have nightmares about!
Maybe the dad is okay with it
Maybe the dad is okay with it bc it's easy company for his daughter so she's not bored or up their butts the whole trip? Maybe he's thinking how convenient it'll be to have the older brother hang out in the hotel room a time or two with the daughter so he and his SO can go out for dinner or the bar? What if they're going to an amusement park? It always helps to have an even number of people when rides are involved. Or maybe he knows that BM is broke, crazy, etc and including former SS on a trip he'd otherwise never get to take is a nice thing to do. Who knows what the reason is, there really isn't enough details.
I am amazed at the amount of
I am amazed at the amount of people that actually think it is ok for a 9 YEAR OLD to invite a stranger on a family vacation. And no doubt…this is a stranger to the adults going on vacation. The man has barely even talked to the kid in three years and the SM has really had NO contact with the kid.
Yet according to some here, she is being controlling!!? SMDH! I thought she was being pretty good even wanting to go on vacation with HER skid. But since she does not want to vacation with a stranger and let a 9 year old dictate the vacation…she is being controlling? Cannot wrap my brain around how some think she is the bad one here. Weird.