Tigerlilly I know your pain! I get ill just thinking about my skid coming for his visits. I get tired of the fights with DH while he is here. I finally realized after 7 years the best thing for me was to disengage. Well that and keep a healthy supply of alcohol in the house! I am thankful that the skid lives 4 hours away, unfortunatly this means that every single holiday & the entire summer gets destroyed by the skid.

This is me every weekend. I put on my fake face. I try to act interested. At some point I will deal with my attachment issues and will just let them go off without me and do their thing, so that I feel in control of me again.

I wish I had some helpful advice. All I can tell you is that letting it build can sometimes be harmful. If you don't like something in the moment, voice it to DH. Don't always let things slide. Get your control back.

I just talked about this exact situation with my kids' SM. She doesn't quite know how to deal with them now that they are older. I had a bit of an epiphany. When my kids are home for the weekend, they aren't really here all weekend. They are playing basketball with their friends in the driveway, they are going to birthday parties, they're having sleepovers, etc. This is a normal, developmentally appropriate stage of their lives.

But when they visit dad, they are with dad and SM for 48 straight hours. No breaks for dad, for SM, or for the kids.

I don't really have any advice, other than to tell you that, even as BM, it would be a struggle for me to have my kids uninteruppted for a whole weekend, every other weekend, too. My kids are 13 and 11 and they are past the age of wanting to spend every waking moment with mom and dad.

Are you close to their home? Can you try to keep them involved with their friends?

I wish we only saw the skids on holidays and eow. They live with us fulltime. I do try to give her to her mom as often as I can. I feel such a great relief when she walks out the door but the day she is set to come home, I feel such anxiety. She makes my life hell!! As for voicing it to DH...lol...not always a wise idea for me. We have so many fights over that snotty brat. OSD moved out in November and wow what an amazing feeling. Now only 4 more years left and I am free of these demonic children..then they become someone elses problem/living hell!!

I'm especially dreading this weekend as well.
Last time we had her, my father (who lives about 2 hours away) had just developed some health problems, emergency surgery (successful!), with some unrelated complications, so rather than going home, was temporarily in a nursing home/rehab center.
We had plans with SD and MIL on Saturday.
I stuck around for the afternoon, followed through with plans, then left, alone, to visit Dad (and MY SM.)
That evening, after having just seen my father, helpless and stuck in bed, after hearing him cry out in pain...I had a chance, on the drive to their house, to call my DH to get some support.
And he didn't take my call. Ignored it, and just texted "Ummmm...putting my kid to bed."
He called back 45 minutes later, after I was at the house with my SM. Hello! I'm there to SUPPORT my SM and my father. I can't have a meltdown in front of her!
Sunday morning, same thing--DH ignored my call when I had an opportunity to talk freely, called me back only AFTER I'd gotten to the nursing home.
SD is 11. It shouldn't be a 45 minute production, putting her to bed, and even if it IS, he should have been able to take 5 minutes to talk to me when I called.
I've managed to be out or otherwise avoid her the last two Mondays (we have her Monday nights and EOWe.)
My father has had another horrible setback, was in ICU much of this week, is in regular hospital room now, hoping to be back at nursing home by the weekend. I'm staying in touch with my SM, who will let me know if Dad's up for a visit this weekend, or not. I'm hoping he is, both for him, of course, mostly, but for ME as well.
I'm so incredibly hurt that my DH put SD's normal bedtime routine, over being there for me in a time of need. Just looking at her makes me sick. And the feeling of dread and doom, that I might have to spend a weekend around her is almost too horrible to handle...