me, too:

"I tell my DH that I love them and I tell them I love them too at times, but I am just a big liar!"

you're not alone!!!

i've been with skids 9 years, NOTHING. i cry more when i watch animal cops, then when either of them are hurting, crying, bitching, wtf ever.

I don't have any feelings (well, good ones anyway) toward SD19. The only consolation I feel is that I don't think DH even particularly likes his own daughter. I know he loves her and thinks fondly about when she was little, but I think he now simply thinks of her as an obligation.

I've been with my DH for 10 years, SD11 and I've done the same thing, said I love her but really don't like her all that much. I fake being interested in her life but really don't give a rats ass. But I am going to keep doing it for my DH sake.

And I'm very thankful for this site. Before I started reading here I thought I was an aweful person for the feelings I had. SO thank you all!!

I have been a SM for 11 years. I care deeply for my two older SS's because they have cared for me and respect me. The two younger ones .. I have tried to love them care for them just not happening. I did care strongly for SD15 for awhile but that has went away with her smart a@# attitude towards me and shows no respect. I have just recently done my own version of disengaging. I had to for my own sanity. I do not 'LOVE" my stepchildren. I care for all of them because I love my DH deeply and I know that they are important to him. I think my two older SS feel the same about me. My youngest SS18 can not stand me and the feeling is mutual he creeps me out. SD15 lives with us FULL time so I tolerate but trying to love her No not happening, those days have came and went. I am just counting the time. 2 years.. woo hoo! still in life but hopefully out of MY HOUSE..

Boy do I understand. I thought I was a heartless B*%$ch. My first post on this site was asking this same question. I have been with SD for 7 years, she is 10. I am good to to her. I try to keep the same routine with her that I did with my children, but it is a chore because the feeling isn't there. As a matter of fact I care less all the time. I tell her that I love her. But honestly - I don't. And I don't believe she loves me either. That is okay. She has a mommy. I will just try to be the best influence I can be when she is around. With exception to a handful of time, I also do not discipline her. I worry about what the teen years will bring.

At the beginning of my relationship and early marriage, I did bond with skids. Sd was 7 and I had a more guarded relationship with her. But I loved her, cared about her. Sure it was different then loving my children- but I didn't want her hurting, I liked to hear her stories, I was interested in her life. SS was my buddy, he was 2 when we married. we did everything together- where I went he was right there. He knows nothing else but me in his life (I met his dad when he was 9 mo.) If I was asked how many kids I had I said 4.

Fast forward to now.....12 years later. I care about them both heck I would even say I love them, but am disengaged from them. I no longer go out of my way to include them in my family. The manipulation of the BM and of them have stopped most feelings from surfacing. We don't go on family vacations because I would not want to go with them....but will not take one without them. I get around this by vacationing with my mom and my two kids. My DH stays at home. If I am asked today how many kids I have I say two....I might say I have two and my husband has two. But most of the time I just say I have two. And yes I think they both know what has happened, they might not know why but they know that I have changed.

My parents though taught me about love.....about step parents love and about learning to cross the blood lines. Respect has so much to do with free loving a child that isn't yours.

Don't feel bad. It's OK to not love or like people, whether they are related to you (be it by blood or marriage) or not. Don't allow yourself to feel bad for being self-actualized enough to know you feel. Kudos to you, actually...

I am nice to and care about my Skids, but love? I can't say that's what it is. I LOVE my nephew... And I know that I would LOOOOVE my biokids if I ever have any. Skids are rotten, spoiled, smartasses and have taken all of the shitty qualities of their mothers and (dare I say it) my DH. The eldest is a manipulative little liar and the baby is an immature, judgemental, mean-spirited, lying little hypocrite (yes, he's already a super Christian).

Bottom line: It is what it is. It sounds as if you are doing your best and that is good enough. *HUGS*

I think this is normal. They are not our children. They are the children of our SO and another woman. In some cases, they are financial leaches. In other cases they are drains on our personal lives.

In my case, I have no feelings at all for SD24. I've disengaged. She's not anyone I would ever be friends with, nor is she anyone I would be proud to be seen with in public. SS26 and I had a bit of a relationship in the beginning, but I swear he is bi-polar, and I simply could not take wondering "which one" of him would be showing up every time he came over.

I have a very good relationship with my grown daughter, her husband, and all of their friends. I have a successful career and many friends both at work and socially. I did feel bad because his kids were rude to me, but it's really THEIR loss, not mine. I am not in the habit of catering to their crazy selves.

The Skids are DH's mess. He and BM made this mess, I did not. I can't fix their problems.