Things that make you go hmm....
SD9 has supposedly officially moved in with BM's mother, while SD11 and SD4 are still with BM. The story we received from SD9 and SD11 over Christmas break was that SD9 had a fight with BM and BM told her she can't handle her anymore and shipped her off to grandma (all without DH's consent or the option of caring for his daughter himself).
Today I was doing my routine check of SD9's FB page (I use it primarily to keep track of how little BM spends time with them when they aren't with us) and noticed messages were exchanged between BM and SD9. This is odd because #1) SD9 and her mother both have cell phones with text messaging and #2) this was a private discussion made in public. What is not odd is that the SD's were not with their mother and spent the remainder of their Christmas break after being with us with their grandmother.
Anyhow, the conversation basically entailed BM begging SD9 to come back home and that she was "sorry for everything". SD9 responded by telling her mother that she would visit her on the weekends.
So what exactly happened??? DH is completely confused as well. This doesn't sound like some small mother-daughter argument. This sounds like there was definitely a triggering factor that caused SD9 to make the conscious decision to leave her mother. We have the girls this weekend. DH is going to try and get the real story out of them. DH also made an appointment with his attorney to get the custody modification ball rolling. Thanks to a fellow STalker we learned the following:
In contested custody or visitation cases, you have to prove many things. You must convince the court that:
1. the changes you want are best for the child, AND
2. circumstances have materially and substantially changed, OR
the child is at least 12-years-old and has told the judge (in the judge’s chambers), who s/he wants to live with, OR
the Home-Parent has allowed some one else to have primary custody of the child for at least 6 months.
I think I am going to cut our cable this month. There is enough drama in my life.
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That's the whole point Mazzy.
That's the whole point Mazzy. We were not even aware SD9 was being sent to live with the grandmother until all the paperwork had been filed and all her things had been moved mid-schoolyear. We had no reason to believe she would not be with her mother for the entire schoolyear and are now in the process of trying to change the custody agreement to where DH is the primary custodial parent. He was never consulted or notified or given the option to take in his own child. BM purposely did this behind his back so that her CS would not be affected.
I agree the child should not be given the option to pick and choose where she lives, but BM's begging and apology makes me think that perhaps something may have happened (Did BM hit her? BM drinks alot, did she do something in an intoxicated state that scared SD9? What??).
Grandma and BM live in
Grandma and BM live in different cities about an hour away from each other so SD had to transfer schools in the middle of the year. SD9 would much rather live with DH than BM so we are not worried about her changing her mind.
The issue would be if BM went to court and told the judge that she has every intention of moving SD back with her next school year and we have nothing to dispute it. It would be her word against DH. In TX it's practically impossible to modify custody unless the mother is using illegal drugs or abusing the child. DH has an appointment for a consultation with a lawyer coming up to determine what his chances are. The grandmother unfortunately would continue to enable her daughter and lie for BM if necessary.