The Magical Disappearing Child Support
Lately DH and I have been buying food in bulk for the girls to take back to their mom's because they text DH almost daily that there is no food in her house. SD11 says that BM will stop at the gas station on the way home from work to buy her wine and get chips and candy for SD5 to have for dinner. SD11 even said that on the one day her mother bought SD5 some Easy Mac SD11 was trying to get her to eat it before eating the cookies her mother bought her and SD5 threw the mac and cheese at her sister and grabbed the cookies and ran. BM was already asleep in her room.
Anyhow, back to the story. I have been telling DH he needs to document all of this and keep the text messages SD11 is sending him. I also told him that if she is telling him there is no food she needs to take a pic of her refrigerator and send it to him as proof.
Fast forward to this weekend. DH believes in making the kids do chores for extras. He will assign a "wage" to certain chores like washing the car and sweeping the garage and then when they've earned enough money he will buy them their treat or whatever. As I am making breakfast on Sunday morning, SD11 asks me out of the blue "SM, do you think that daddy should make me do chores in order to earn a new pair of pants for school. I'm down to one pair." My response was "Sd11, I dont think your daddy wants me to tell you what I really think."
We purchased school clothes for all the kids at the beginning of the school year. It's not in the CO and we are only responsible for providing them clothes for when they are with us. In addition, we are paying BM the max in CS for the state of TX, which means she should have no problem buying her a pair of pants for school or dinner on a daily basis for that matter. I am so tired of picking up BM's slack. DH is opening an investigation with CPS on her to at least try and keep her in check in the meantime but this is ridiculous. I wish I could just tell SD that her mom needs to be buying her her school clothes with the money we give her but DH is adamant that she's "just a baby" and doesn't need to know. They are his kids so it's his call but still. This is getting out of hand.
Then to top it all off, when they are with us, they demand fresh squeezed orange juice (like literally the $6/quart orange juice they sell at the grocery store) and whine when I say no and a brand new fresh towel for every shower like I am running a damn hotel. I could somewhat understand if that's how they were being raised, but seriously? Your mother feeds you Pringles for dinner when she remembers to bring you something from the gas station and won't buy you a pair of pants and you want us to treat you like royalty? We don't mistreat them in any way mind you. But if Minute Maid and using a towel at least twice is good enough for DH and I, why should they be be entitled to more? Okay. End rant.
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Comments
Positive. They have both lost
Positive. They have both lost mass amounts of weight over the past few months (when BM finally moved out of her parents house at the ripe age of 35) and when we pick them up they are always wearing the same dirty clothes and haven't showered. Also, the 5 year old doesn't know how to count past 7, let alone lie about her mother.
Wow. Those poor kids. Our
Wow. Those poor kids. Our BM is pretty shitty about food too-the steps ONLY eat peanut butter sandwiches and cereal at her house. She also never buys the steps any clothes. But, she doesn't sound as bad as what you are dealing with. I would NOT buy the $6 OJ though. It's one thing to want to eat (non gas station) food, but seriously, some kids are insanely picky.
This sounds like my situation
This sounds like my situation - BM spends mass amounts of money for her smokes and nails/tan/gym, yet her kids only have Mr. Noodles or canned soup to eat and they come over in ratty used clothes (not even the clothes we sent home with them for school this past year). THEN, they come over asking what we have to eat (after asking constantly when dinner will be ready) and turning their noses up at it (SD: "That's IT?"). UGH It's disgusting! But I HAVE been documenting EVERYTHING that's gone on (as well as things the kids tell us) over the last few years. DH's mother gives the SKIDS lots of clothes for their birthdays/Christmas and none of it will be going home with them now for 2 reasons: 1) we suspect that she sells the clothes and 2) if she doesn't care to send them over in decent clothes, then why should we send them home with the good clothes?
Stop buying food for her
Stop buying food for her house, and every time the SDs call and say there is no food, call OCS and send them over to have a look around. Open a case and get custody. Sound's like you've got a druggie on your hands, or in the least an alcoholic.
If she's such a tosser, go over there and pick the girls up and bring them back to your house every time she passes out. What is she going to do, call the cops up drunk and explain to them that her daughters couldn't wake her and called you?
The problem is that CPS won't
The problem is that CPS won't just go immediately out there just because we call. They will set up an appointment and a time because she doesn't have a record and is not on drugs. She is an alcoholic but alcoholism is difficult to prove to a third party. One of my best friends works for CPS and is helping us get our case together.
Also, they live 1.5 hours away. We can't just go over there every time they call. They go to school there because that's where they live so we are looking at 3 hours to go get them and bring them back and another 3 hours drive time to take them to school. It just doesn't work. As it is we are getting them every single weekend at this point because they don't want to be there more than they have to but we do not have legal custody. We are buying them food because we can't go get them every single day. It's a way for us to take care of them without being able to be there on a daily basis.
Can you call the police and
Can you call the police and do a welfare check?? I mean if there is no food and the BM is drunk or passed out it seems that the police would do something.
WTF are you and DH doing
WTF are you and DH doing buying food for BM's house????? :? :jawdrop: :sick:
If she is too worthless to feed her own children then you and DH need to have CPS hip deep up her worthless ass and stop covering for her worthless crap.
IMHO of course.
By sending food you are NOT helping the kids. You are enabling BM's crap and freeing up her resources to drink. NO FOOD, NO CLOTHES, NO EXTRA MONEY BEYOND THE CS ORDER!!!!!!
When the Skids call your house complaining about no food and their drunk assed BM call CPS immediately. If they find no food in the home and BM drunk they will take the kids. Since DH is their dad they will very likely bring the kids to your house.
Then you file an immediate emergency custody motion and start getting BM out of your Skid's lives and start the process of repairing the damage that BM has done to those kids.
Again, IMHO.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This situation is nauseating and amazing at the same time.
Jesus, those poor kids. BM
Jesus, those poor kids. BM sounds like a real deadbeat. And I thought BM to my SD was bad, spending the (fortune) in child support we pay her, only to then ask for more. Get those kids off her. If she can't/won't do something as basic as feed her fucking kids then she doesn't deserve them.