Double Standards
I'm getting increasingly frustrated with the double standards that seem to apply for BMs & SMs. When we have SS10 for the weekend we make sure there are activities planned that include him, involve him in our normal weekend chores and spend the whole day with him (we have never got a sitter & gone out in the evening for example).
BMs facebook page on Saturday boasted about not getting out of bed until 12.30, and then on Sunday she'd stubbed her toe so was going to have a day on the sofa with chocolate & chick flicks.
Now, trying to be reasonable, I know she has SS10 most of the time, and last week she had 2 days solid of him in hospital, but this isn't exactly an unusual occurence for her weekends with him. Also, SS10 goes to after school club every night during the week, so once she's dropped him at school he's not home until gone 6pm, and is in bed by 8pm, so she's not exactly seeing loads of him during the week normally either.
If I acted like this on weekends with SS10 I'd be blasted as a bad SM, not spending time with him or trying to build a relationship - which I fully accept. However as a BM she does this, but no-one says anything?
- Storm76's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Maybe it's just me but I'd
Maybe it's just me but I'd kinda be like, "huh? you slept your day away?" For anyone saying they slept til the afternoon on a Saturday as an adult. unless they were out partying til 2am,working the night shift,up with a sick child,etc... but just sleeping til afternoon just because? That's kinda depressing.
The toe stub thing...did she break it off or something??? That would be the only thing that would require me to stay on the couch all day if my child was there with me. Save the choco/chick flick marathon for when child isn't present or is in bed. That's just my opinion though.
If my child is home at the same time SD is there, which is usually the case, no one sleeps late and we all do activities together when sd isn't at dance or whatever. But when my child isn't home and Sd happens to be over...I take the day off and let DH handle her
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi
Yep, that was my thinking -
Yep, that was my thinking - SS10 gets up early at weekends, so we make sure we're up by 8am at the latest (he'll go watch TV & get some cereal for himself). And the toe stub? I could understand not wanting to go for a 10 mile walk (unlikely at any time for BM) but at least do something indoors with your son - you chose to have him!
I don't believe in
I don't believe in entertaining children 24/7. None of these children have any imagination anymore because all of their free time is either in organized clubs or they are being endlessly entertained by their parents.
I was the CP. We had family night where we would play games and bake and such, but this was not a nightly occurrence. There was homework, dinner, showers, and God forbid, alone time for my children to do something they enjoyed whether it was watching their favorite TV show, playing with their toys, doing crafts or reading a book.
Even as NCPs, I don't think there is anything wrong with including the children in the daily life of the NCPs. I don't think it needs to be a constant vacation and constant entertainment.
Sd is one who needs CONSTANT
Sd is one who needs CONSTANT stimulation and entertainment. ARGH! Choochoo however, sits on the bed while I fold laundry and then when we do his laundry he helps me fold. Quality time AND he learns about everyday life
My favorite time is when we sit and read. I read my book, he reads his book and we're all relaxed n happy. *sigh* that usually ends when he says something smartmouthed or rude but at least I enjoyed a minute of happiness! lol
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi
Both my stepsons & my 2 year
Both my stepsons & my 2 year old are very good an entertaining themselves, thank God. I know my brothers kids can't & are very needy and annoying that way. My dad always says watching BS is so easy compared to the others & they are all older. My stepsons have great imaginations & I think that is so important and is lacking in a lot of the youth today. They love to read & can get totally lost in a book.. I am the same way. They like their videogames but they do other things than just that. We usually will have one weekend where we have something special planned & one weekend where they get to sleep in & we hang out. They are constantly on the run w/ their mom so they really like to hang out & play with their things.
Hello, You only have him on
Hello,
You only have him on the weekends. That makes it more natural to have him be at the center of everything during the time he's there. She has him the majority of the time, so she doesn't feel compelled to make every moment count the way you guys may want to. On those sites, people sometimes exaggerate because they think it makes them sound cute, or they're trying to get attention. There may have been some of that going on too. That kind of lifestyle may be appealing to someone she is hoping is reading.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
"On those sites, people
"On those sites, people sometimes exaggerate because they think it makes them sound cute, or they're trying to get attention. There may have been some of that going on too. That kind of lifestyle may be appealing to someone she is hoping is reading."
Um, no, I'm not exaggerating, nor do I think it makes me sound 'cute', nor am I just seeking attention. This is something I find genuinely frustrating, that as a BM it's acceptable for her to virtually ignore her son when she has him, but yes, keep saying she's missing him whenever he's with his dad & I.
I haven't given birth myself, so yes, all this mothering stuff is pretty new to me, so I'm happy for people to respond to my posts giving opinions from a different perspective, but to just call me an attention seeking liar is not constructive.
It's a shame, because the first half of your post was well written, but descending into name-calling makes me want to ignore everything you've written.
I think she was talking
I think she was talking about the BM.
Ah, if so I apologise to
Ah, if so I apologise to Chai for going off on one there - I read it that the 'she' referred to was meant to be me - sorry (paranoia kicking in again!)
I was definitely talking
I was definitely talking about BM, not you Storm. Thanks TotallyBogus for clearing that up before I got a chance to.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
I have this problem with BM
I have this problem with BM as well... we have SS 50/50. It works out that he is with us every other weekend and with her on the opposite. For MONTHS, every time he comes home on Monday from her house, he talks about how he spent the night at this friends or that friends... or his gramma's, or with his uncle. For a mom that "misses him so much when he is with" us, she sure ships him out to other people a lot. Now, I get that kids like to stay the night with friends and all that... but she leaves him there just about the entire weekend... and he is only 6. I have to say no to my daughter on a pretty regular basis when she wants to stay at friends houses, because I MISS HER, I only get to see her 50% of her life... and that to me.. is not enough.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
We have the SAME exact
We have the SAME exact situation! BM always moans about how much she misses SD when she's not there but when she's with her, the first chance she gets to ship her off to her parents or to a sleepover, she jumps all over it. It's like she can't handle an entire weekend with her.