just my imagination?
I'm just wondering if this is just me imagining this or if others might be seeing/experiencing similar things/feelings. I am a lot different then my ss's bm. She is drug/alcoholic, didn't do ANY housework ever (dh did it all plus worked full time when he was married to her) and I am no drugs, rare glass of wine, cook, clean, bake, laundry washed & folded etc. So here's the feeling I get, that my ss's resent me for making their bm look lame. I'm not trying to make myself look like a superhero, just saying that taking care of kids/home for me is the norm and it's so great for my SO, he's always saying how much he LOVES how I take care of him and our boys and sometimes I see his sons sigh or look away like they are thinking differently.
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my SO is tupid happy too.
my SO is tupid happy too. he;s always saying things like, no one ever gave me back rubs like that or it's been since i was at home that i've had homemade bread or cinnrolls, etc. My ss15 is not mean to me in any way and loves everything i do for him, it's just that look i see once in awhile - like regret, sadness, wished things could have been better - kinda look. I think sons do best when they have a mom who cares well for them. for one thing it sets their mental standards high for the kind of wife they want someday. Mindyou I think since ss15 was only 12 when SO and I got together maybe he's done well by having my input. I had to teach him to flush the toilet, wash his hands and brush his teeth at first.
crazy, crazy
They are told by their mother
They are told by their mother the BM, that women like you are disgrace and make all women stay reliant on men....
Thats what my BM told my horrible skids.....suggested in front of my face that the way I run around and do everything for my DH (his biodad) was like an afghan women, inferior to their men folk and not the usual american way of life....
The little shit complained to the MIL about how I do everything like cook, clean, massage him and help him etc....MiL turned around and said,....'oh like I do for your Grandpa"? "well thats good, thats how a real marriage is supposed to be...." put the ss16 nose right outta joint
incidently the leso BM did 'nothing' when she was on the scene...couldnt even fuck properly apparently hahahaha..! :sick:
i think you hit the nail on
i think you hit the nail on the head for a lot of sm's. i always suspected (still do) that a huge part of sd19's attitude with me for the past 7 years is because seeing what i do for my kids, and what i used to do for her until i disengaged, pissed her off because it showed her what a real mom does and her mom does none of it. she directed all the anger she had for her mother at me, because i was the one who made her see this.
bm is a party girl. i'm not. she smoked pot while pregnant with sd. i hesitate to even eat cold cuts while pregnant. she thinks it's ok to live off of bf's and cs. i prefer to have an income of my own. sd and bm have some serious arguments. bd17 can push my buttons, but we've never had a screaming match. bm was a serial cheater. i like stability.
we are absolutely nothing alike in any way. i suppose that's why bm and fdh's relationship lasted a year, including the conception and birth of sd, and fdh and myself have been together for 7 years and counting.
I've asked this question too!
I've asked this question too! Except my SK's treat me as if I don't exist. You know, how high school girls treat others they are jealous of? Yeah, that.
The BM in our lives doesn't do anything unless it benefits her. She discourages the SK's from going anywhere or doing anything, even extracurriculars. One SK is in a sport, she fully expects my DH to take him to all practices and away games (that consist of entire weekends away) because she just can't "stand" spending HER time at the games. From what I can gather, she has always pretty much ignored the SK's at home and left them to their own devices (BM and DH divorced when the SK's were 2, they're now mid-teens) because she was too busy pursuing her own happiness.
I have two kids. I encourage them to be involved in things outside of the house. One child is an athlete so I take him to all practices and games. I've even been known to participate in his sports (i.e., putting on a pair of hockey skates!!!). My daughter is very academically advanced for her age... so she's on academic team at school and is taking her first college course (she's in middle school) this semester. I take her to all of her functions also. And when we're home, I actually have CONVERSATIONS with my children, take an active role in how they are doing in school and what's going on in their lives. We have stimulating dinner conversation. We go for walks together, bike rides, etc.
And yes, my SK's see all of this. Now, early on I tried to include them in some of these things only to be scorned. Fine, your choice. So now all my SK's see is how active I am in MY childrens lives... and they're jealous.
The only thing BM and I have
The only thing BM and I have in common are two X chromosomes!
Yesterday was the worst with
Yesterday was the worst with ss15's behavior. He was on the computer on the kitchen bar and when I walked into the kitchen to get coffee he held up his sweatshirt so he couldn't see me. He had in his ear buds and I could hear the music blaring in his ears. I got so frustrated so I pulled out an ear bud and said "what the hell, if you're mad at me talk to me, we have 3 more years to live together yet, ignoring things doesn't help". He just pulled away and put the bud back in and ignored me.
I put so much time and effort into making our life comfortable and kids fed well and home warm, cable, cell phones, etc and he complains about everything lately. He even lost his cell and then says it was a crappy phone anyhow and why does dad and me get better ones. Uhg, 15 yr olds :@
SO had asked me to make my yummy cinn rolls for the team locker room for today's wrestling event at ss's school. I opted not to bake b/c of the way ss is treating me. It will send a subtle message to him (I hope) that he cannot treat me like that and still get the nice treatment I have always given him. I have always been ultra kind to this kid, baking, his fav meals homecooked, laundry, cleaning his room for him, enduring his pets, etc. The only thing I have done that I could have been kinder about is not making snide remarks once in awhile, especially when we were living in a tiny apartment and we were all jammed into a small living area. He'd literally hang upside down over the couch and watch tv upside down and be falling on the floor and constantly moving his body until I'd say something irratatingly snide and then get up and leave the room. My SO would always say "be kind" to me and I would get even more annoyed. Anyhow that soon passed when we moved into a much bigger home and ss was down in teh rec room most of the time, and we just had more space btw us. But about 3 months ago I bought SO a computer and we put it on the kitchen bar b/c that was the best place for it and of course he lets ss play on it, even tho I bought it for the business (URG). The other day I checked history of SS's side of the computer and he's been going to porn sites and other questionable sites. Maybe it's time to take away the computer priviledges? I want to since I paid big mulla for it, but SO doesn't think all the time just at night. Maybe it should come into our room? SS can use the old computer for all I care. At this point I am not caring anymore
Anyhow, just ranting.
Perhaps you could install one
Perhaps you could install one of those programs that block questionable sites from his use? I also have this issue with a computer that is in our kitchen and SS16 has been caught more than once on porn sites. He started erasing the history to hide it but when an entire day of history is suddenly erased then it is pretty obvious that he was where he was not supposed to be!
Unfortunately FH was not willing to do that. He felt that the "curiosity" was normal. I agree to a certain extent. Yes - it is normal to check out sexual things for a 16 year old boy - like back in the day when a boy would steal hid dad's Playboys - but this kid was looking at some pretty hardcore stuff! There is an amazing amount of really twisted crap on the internet and I have a real issue with him starting out like that. IMHO, at 16 just seeing boobs should be a thrill. This kid is weird enough. S&M is NOT something he should be exposed to!!!!! And sure as HELL not on MY watch! And since there is a way to keep it from him at our house i would like to do it.
Luckily he is no longer gracing us with his presence. However, that will not last forever and, if FH will not install the software, I plan to do it myself. Actually - scratch that - I am about as tech savvy as Abraham Lincoln! However, i have friends who will do it for me!
sometimes us smoms just have
sometimes us smoms just have to take things into our own hands. seriously. im not tech savy either but good idea and now i am going to go to google, search for a good program and download it }:) i tried setting the parental controls but it's not working right. ahk. these kids are way more savy then us and it's hard to stay ahead of 'em!
ps, he's also not going to
ps, he's also not going to have a nice stack of clean, folded clothes for school on monday.
turns out it's girl trouble
turns out it's girl trouble for ss15 and not me that's bothering him. i'm relieved but feel badly for him. he's a good kid who has had such rejection for bm.