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Disciplining a live-in ss6 - please help!

stepmom929's picture

My ss6 lives with us full time. He sees his Mom for 4 weeks in the summer and for a week at Christmas and a week in the spring. As you can see, I do the 'mothering'. My husband is helpful in disciplining, but I seem to be "the boss" most of the time. I haven't minded this role until lately. My ss6 has REALLY been getting on my nerves lately. I have noted other people on here saying that 6 can be a very 'annoying' age - I AGREE. On top of that he acts up at school - nothing major but at his school they pull sticks (basically like tally marks) and 3 sticks gets you sent to the principal - my ss pulls 2 almost daily. We've tried a million things to improve this behavior but nothing has worked. Even more recently he's started lying to us about how many sticks he pulls, obviously because he doesn't want to deal with any punishment. So last week he lied about how many sticks he pulled and that was the last straw for me. I took his favorite toy, put it in a trash bag, and told him that his behavior WILL improve and he WILL stop lying or I'm going to throw the toy away. So he has been telling us all week that he's only been pulling 1 stick, and today he told me that he's been lying and he's still been pulling 2 sticks all week.
NOW, he did tell me this - after much prompting and threatening that he BETTER be honest with me. I guess the fact that he finally came clean is SOMETHING, but what do I do about my threat to throw his toy away???? I wish I never made this threat now but I feel like I'm stuck. It's really stressing me out...so I called my husband at work earlier and told him that I don't want to do the disciplining, at least not for a while. I'm over it. Plus I'm pregnant and really don't need this extra stress. Is it wrong for me to step back from all this and let my husband take over? I'm not saying I won't help out, but I don't want to be the decision maker anymore. Is it old fashioned of me to go to a mode of "go ask your father" or "we'll see what your father has to say about this"?????
Any suggestions??

Comments

SM#1's picture

school as well. She is in a special program that has her going to see the counslor instead of the principal.
She used to lie about school all the time. So she now carries with her a "behavorial journal". Everyday her teacher writes in it how her day was, then we see it when she gets home. If she did not behave she losses extras at night.

At first she would "forget" to bring it home! But after working with the teacher she brings it home everyday no problem. My SD has had this notebook with her for the last 3 school years--it really helps. There is no more lying about school, she is better behaved becuz of it.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Maybe explain to SS that when he can prove to you that he can be honest and no more lies he will get the toy back and the only reason it wasn't thrown in the bin was because he owned up about lying, next time no second chances.

As for stepping back from the disciplin, it is your DH son so it is his responsibility and you can step away. Speak to your man, tell him how stressed you are and that you feel that you just can't handle the extra stress right now.
Don't feel bad for wanting to step back to save your sanity. You have your own child coming that you need to concenstrate on as well.

stepmom929's picture

I agree. I don't want to throw the toy away...this is part of the reason I think I need a break from all of this, I realize now I only made that threat because I was so mad. I talked to my husband after dinner and explained how I'm feeling and he's agreed to take over this role for a while. Who knows...maybe ss6 will respond better to his Dad's disciplining! I'll keep my fingers crossed. And you're right - I'd like to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and bring this child into the world with as little stress as possible! Smile
thanks for your input!

stepmom929's picture

I have actually had him write before...do once he finishes writing should we just let him go back to playing with all his toys and doing all his usual things? Is that what you did with yours? We feel so lost trying to figure out how to discipline him...

stepmom929's picture

Thanks! I'll check out that book...I did look for a good parenting book at one point and was so overwhelmed at how many there were and they are so different. It's good to hear that one actually might do some good Smile

Done's picture

You have to throw the toy away. If you don't he will know you aren't serious and you won't stick to your guns. It is just on etoy he will get over it but he may think twice about lying the next time. He has to know that his behavior is unacceptable and there are consequences to his actions. He is able to understand that at his age.