You are here

BM and Her Daughter Moving Far Away?

stepkate's picture

Submitted by stepkate on Sat, 07/10/2010 - 10:15am

Mr. Kate told me last night that his daughter told him that BM bought a house three hours away with her BF and she wants to take Mr. Kate's daughter with her.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about feeling bad about hoping that this might happen, but...I don't think I feel bad anymore.

This might force everyone to have a schedule, which I think is great. Right now BM lives just a couple of blocks away and I don't know when Mr. Kate's daughter is coming until we pass the house and he asks me to pull in the driveway. Mr. Kate and BM have been communicating entirely through their daughter since the custody case began a month ago, and the 'wherever, whenever' visitation schedule is no longer working because of the lack of communication.

Mr. Kate doesn't drive, and the last time BM moved, Mr. Kate claimed that he only got to see his daughter once a month. Seeing as I have pretty good reason to believe that Mr. Kate has used visits with his daughter to be dishonest with me (detailed in previous blogs, and I now have new suspicions that I am in the process of carefully proving or disproving) I do not plan to make the 2-3 hour drive to pick her up or drop her off one time.

Comments

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Sat, 07/10/2010 - 11:29am

I really don't know why you are even doing this. You've only been dating this man for a few months already you've had skid issues and think he's cheating. He isn't worth it. I am not trying to hurt your feelings, but he hit the lottery, he has someone to pay for things and taxi his ass around. You can do so much better. When his daughter does move and you won't give him a ride to see her, he will start resenting you.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Sat, 07/10/2010 - 11:56am

I agree with Pantera as well.

I know parents on both sides can make visitations difficult when they are both being childish. But it is their responsibility to take care of the their children. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean either parent is going to be reasonable or mature during these times.

Speaking strictly from experience, do not get involved in any SP role at this time, especially if they are going through a new custody case. Step back and ignore it every time he starts the guilt trip of "I can't drive and see my kid". There are buses, trains and taxis and if you weren't in the picture, he would have to figure out another way to get there.

And worst case scenario, you risk becoming the focus of the BM during the custody issues if you're the one chauffeuring him around.

I know the SO's in our lives can make us feel guilty for not "helping out". But again, if we weren't around they would have to do it on their own anyway.

Being an SP is already difficult enough without being dragged into these kind of situations. Protect yourself, your sanity and your relationship. If you start taking on the role of the responsible parent at this point, you will set the tone of the rest of your relationship with Mr. Kate. He will start to assume you will "fix" everything. For some of us that is the beginning of the Flaming Death Spiral".

Take care and keep us all posted on how things are going. I know how incredibly hard it is to say No to someone you care about, however there are times when certain boundaries need to be set in our relationships.