How Much Fighting Is Too Much?
[edit] I've removed some information from this post for privacy reasons [edit]
Last night we had yet another fight about Mr. Kate's daughter sleeping in our room.
Last night I decide to push his buttons and I got up and went to sleep on the couch again (she'd slept in our bed the past two nights)...and another huge fight starts. I say that he is just mad that I'm not just available to him whenever he decides I'm important. That was the real reason I decided to go to the couch-so I didn't feel like I was just jumping whenever he said jump, like he could just put me out on the couch when he felt like it. Goofy, I know. I don't tell him this reason-I lie and say that I went to the couch because I couldn't sleep (true) and didn't want to wake him up with my watching TV, getting up, down, etc (that was the lie part).
I just want to know if its ever normal to have a yelling, cursing, name-calling fight.
I would like to fix this relationship, but clearly one or both of us needs to change how we handle conflict. How do I do this?
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i would turn on the bedroom
i would turn on the bedroom lights and start organizing the closet and dresser drawers when sd came into my bedroom... or vacuum...
seriously, this situation is f'd up............ skids aren't allowed in dh's & my bedroom....
I would have to agree with
I would have to agree with Steperg. fighting (not physically) I guess is not ideal, but normal when it comes to couples. As long as at the end of the fight a resolution has been achieved, or some sort of agreement, good. But if you guys just keep fighting over the same thing, over and over again. No resolution, no agreement, no empathy and no commitment. Your relationship is not going to work, you are going to get stuck in an endless cycle.
By the way, I don't agree
By the way, I don't agree with you lying to him, were you scared of his reaction? why not just tell him that you feel used when he decides that he is not bringing his daughter into his room and thus you get to sleep in your room.
I have an idea, for next weekend, when daughter is in your room start touching your husband, getting him horny, what is he going to say? "we can't do it because SD is in the room?" and then, you snap and tell him that if SD is also going to prevent an adult couple to be intimate, then you want out of the relationship. Show him that the only time you are sexually available is in the weekends and at night.
I'm not sure why I lied. I
I'm not sure why I lied. I think in the back of my mind I'm scared to lose him, so I try to see his side. He wants his daughter to have air conditioning (her room is too far away to blow a fan from our room to hers). He also said that he would go get another air conditioner this week. I'm pretty much scared to say anything about his daughter directly I think, because I don't know how he would react. So I let him do what he wants, but I still have feelings about it. I did actually tell him that I feel he puts me on the back-burner (it came out during the fight).
And, by the way, he has gotten horny around his daughter-we'll be playing around, wrestling or something, and he'll just tell her to leave. Thats what I don't like, the whole 'I'm ready, so I'll use you, and put you away when I'm not' thing.
Ok, here is how we stopped
Ok, here is how we stopped the bad habit:
(She still comes in the bedroom at night but we take her back to her bed,right away.We do have a long way to go , but we do call it: progress)
1.Get him on board with the following arguments: she is a girl you are a man, its inapropriate because she may accidentaly touch you. Or see you ...errrr... you know..
and she doesnt need any of these.
2.Every time she shows up,take her by the hand and put her back to her bed. Stay with her till she falls asleep if necessary.
3.NEVER EVER leave your bed because she is there. That to her is a victory. She kicked you out and she can have daddy ALL to herself!
4.If she sneaks in the bed,or your DH lets her sneak in and u see it later, pick her up while she is sleeping and put her soflty in her own bed.
Hope it helps.