I told Mr. Kate last night that there have been too many inconsistencies with him lately and that I've lost trust in him, so...its over.

Before doing what I knew I needed to do, I had to complete my investigation of some unexplained holes in a few of Mr. Kate's stories. I don't know if I did it for closure, because i had to know, or what...but for the last two weeks, I've been taking a look in the garbage can on garbage day right before we leave for work, waiting...and I saw it-huge empty bottles of whiskey.

For anyone who doesn't know, both Mr. Kate and I are alcoholics. I never thought that if he relapsed (he was sober for 3 years) that he would tell me, because its a pretty shameful thing. Though I've never seen him drunk, I saw over the past month that his behavior changed very quickly, and I was expecting a relapse, if one hadn't happened already. The fiasco with him arranging that his daughter not visit while I was semi-tricked into leaving for my parents for the weekend alone is what really made me wonder, because this would be his first opportunity to get absolutely plastered without my seeing him.

I suspect he started with a few beers (few enough for the nights he would disappear so that he could 'sober up' enough in those few hours to come back home to me) and planned that weekend alone.

I didn't tell him that I knew he was drinking, but he told me that he thought I'd figured it out. He still denies cheating on me, but I feel myself caught between a rock and a hard place-I feel bad that he is going through so much with BM moving his daughter away, but I've seen many alcoholic couples give it a go, and if one relapses, the other usually follows.

Its an indescribably awful thing to see an alcoholic who knew sobriety relapse. And its worse that I know how he feels.